If you live in Vancouver and own koi, you need to bring them inside from your backyard water feature to a safety tank in your locked house. There’s a koi-hungry otter on the loose and he’s already killed seven!

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Although, she probably wished she was a couple of weeks ago. Disgraced comedian and Twitter mess Roseanne was rumored to have suffered a serious health crisis this week, but unlike her character Roseanne Conner, she’s alive and she’s okay.

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Pea, the runaway peacock!

Many of us have a family member who ran away with a turkey. My cousin ran away to be with a turkey in Florida, but his ass ended up in the clink and she had to shuffle on back home. But this is a story about a family member running away to be with actual turkeys.

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Let it never be said that actress Jameela Jamil of The Good Place doesn’t speak her mind! Buzzfeed News reports that Jameela is severely irritated by female celebs hawking detox teas on social media. Jameela is so irritated by this phenomenon that she tweeted her hopes that these ladies would…well, you read the post title. That’s the definition of “irritated.” I’d rather someone wish me murdered than wishing me to have soiled trousers around other humans. Being murdered is usually less messy and embarrassing than the latter.

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As reported by People, recent divorcees Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner must have been granted shared custody of the state of Montana when their divorce was finalized. The former Affleck-Garner family took a “long-planned” trip to spend Thanksgiving together in Big Sky Country this past week. Ben and Jen and the kids have celebrated multiple holidays there in the past. And there was nary a Playmate or a burger robot CEO hanging around to make things even more tense then they probably were.

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