By From Twitter to “The View,” the story of Donna Simpson’s attempt to become the fattest woman in the world has made its rounds. The Daily Mail reports that Simpson is 42 years old and is a resident of New Jersey. The story is filled with voyeuristic facts, highlighting such things as her ability to eat “70 pieces of sushi” or “her love [of] cakes and sweet things.”
According to the Mail, Donna’s goal is to become the world’s heaviest woman – taking her 7xl frame to a staggering 1000 lbs. Simpson hopes to achieve her goal weight in two years, even though this will require consuming 12,000 calories a day. Interestingly enough, this is the same caloric intake that the eight time gold medalist Michael Phelps consumes when he is in training.
To support herself, Simpson runs a website on which her viewers pay to see her consume food and pose in suggestive photos. In a video posted at Fox News, Simpson says, “I also have videos of me in motion because they like to see me in motion and see how my fat jiggles and moves.”
When she was asked how it made her feel that people wanted to see her move around like that, Simpson responded, “Love it, love it. Cause they are not saying it in a bad way. They’re paying to see me; they adore it just as they would a woman of normal size.” Her husband is reportedly encouraging her to gain weight and, according to Simpson, is a real belly man.
Simpson’s husband may be the only one who publicly supports her right now. Dan Savage blogged that she should have her child taken away and similar comments have appeared on Twitter.
Many used her decisions to argue the price of healthcare is inflated due to the presence of obese people, and one commenter at the Cleveland Leader had this to say, “It’s because of irresponsible people like this woman that healthcare costs too much and the President is asking me to pay for her care. Incredible!” Another chimed in, “That woman needs to DIE. Tomorrow would be nice! She should be ashamed of herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a waste of LIFE!”
Many go on to blame mental illness, because few can accept the idea of a woman being happy weighing over 500 pounds, much less the 1000 pounds that she is aiming for. The feeder/feedee element as well as the fetishiszing of fat people, which are the most obvious aspects of this story, have not been commented upon that much, however.
The feeder/feedee relationship is not only toxic, it is abusive. Though in most cases, it involves force feeding or the threat of ending a relationship to encourage someone to eat, the mere fact that Simpson made sure to point out that her husband actively wants her to get bigger, points to a troubling aspect in their relationship.
There is definitely a very negative power dynamic at play. Even within her own home, Simpson is fetishsized. This is substantiated by Simpson’s claim that her husband is a belly man. Feeders will typically fixate on large fatty breasts, buttocks, hips or stomachs. Often these men will insert their penises into the folds of fat to achieve sexual gratification.
In the Mail article, Simpson is quoted as saying that her first husband used to bring her food home, because he enjoyed watching her eat. This is also another example of an unhealthy relationship and displays classic symptoms of feederism.
It is one thing for a spouse to buy a treat for their significant other, but when it reaches the level of regularly encouraging your partner to gorge for the sake of sexual gratification, it is unhealthy as well as emotionally and physically abusive. A mere fat admirer does not encourage the object of their affection to regularly eat to excess.
Abuse can take many forms and it often goes unremarked upon, or else wrongly labelled. The nature of the power dynamic between the feeder/feedee removes agency and therefore eliminates culpability. Just as it is highly unreasonable to blame the victim of domestic violence for their bruises, so too is it unconscionable to blame the feedee for over eating.
These relationships are simply pathological, as can be seen from the dependency that is created when the feedee becomes too fat to flee the relationship because of immobility. Simpson is already only capable of walking a scant 20 feet and is dependent upon a scooter. It is only matter time before she is completely dependent upon her husband for basics like sustenance and personal hygiene. Would we be this quick to dismiss the dangers of this dynamic if a man was encouraging his female partner to lose weight because he enjoyed the gaunt look?
When we look at Simpson, we see gluttony and fat, two things that we have come to despise. The degree to which Simpson is a victim of those that fetishize fat is obscured. A fat acceptance message is health at any weight, not a sordid compulsion to become the world’s fattest woman.
Allen Steadham of The International Size Acceptance Association said:
“I could not imagine endangering my health by deliberately eating unhealthily and decreasing movement just to get some title (she already holds the title ‘World’s Fattest Mother’). ISAA promotes self esteem, healthy food choices and exercise at any size as part of our Respect Fitness Health initiative. What Donna Simpson is practicing is not size acceptance, it is the opposite. And ISAA’s stance is that using unhealthy means to get fatter is just as bad as using unhealthy means to get thinner.”
Peggy Howell of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance mirrored Stedhams’ statement, saying:
“NAAFA supports an individual’s right to control all choices concerning his or her own body. That being said, it has been reported that Ms. Simpson’s partner encourages her to continue to gain weight.
NAAFA opposes the practice of feeders, in which one partner in a sexual relationship expects and encourages another partner to gain weight.”
Even those who do not articulate the kind of dysfunction that Simpson does are shamed based on their weight. Gabourey Sidibe found out firsthand that despite her talent and success, her weight was enough to mark her as “other”; if a woman like that can be reviled, what hope is there that Simpson can find any form of empathy?
Feederism is a subculture that does not get much attention. Some fat acceptance groups rightfully shun its participants for fear that it will intensify the already tremendous amount of fat hatred in society. While it is easy to get drawn in by the sheer sensationalism of what Simpson is attempting, we should not ignore the often perilous results of the feeder/feedee relationship, to focus on gluttony and fat when the greater issue is exploitation and manipulation.
Feederism leaves its participants truly damaged. It is the antithesis of fat acceptance. Fat people have enough social hatred to deal with, without having their bodies become representative of someone else’s perversion. Simpson may have declared her decision to keep gaining weight as a personal choice, but it seems as though there is something far more sinister going on.
10 Comments
Being a fat admirer for all of my life, I do tend to like women who aren’t the skinny runway model type. Even in weight though there are limits. Being fat is one thing, being fat on purpose and for the sole pleasure of others or to set a record is a mental illness.
I have always struggled with be a little overweight all my life. I ended up gaining a bit more after surgery and two years on pain killers for another illness. I like fat women but I could never encourage a person to become so fat they can’t move or to bluntly “eat themselves to death”. I have always encourage my fat female friends to lose weight, not to be skinny but be healthy.
I have lead an alternative lifestyle all my life. I have seen people like her in the lifestyle a lot. She is not doing this for fat acceptence she has a serious mental issue, which only years of counseling is going to give her any relief. I feel sorry for her and the amount of emotional pain she must be carrying around, but she needs some serious “Intervention” otherwise her daughter is going to grow up without a mother and suffer right along with her.
I agree 100%.
I happen to be a man who finds larger women very attractive; to me, Gabby Sibide is utterly gorgeous and sexy. Nonetheless, I find feederism to be abusive and perverse. It’s a power/manipulation trip on the part of the feeder; whether the feedee realizes it or not, she’s being exploited and oppressed.
That being said, I really want to comment on the accusation that fat people are somehow resposible for the current crisis in U.S. health care. While I do understand that there are health risks associated with obesity, I also know that the effects of weight-loss regimens –especially radical diets and weight-loss surgery– can also be severe. In addition, I believe that each individual’s health is his or own business. To blame fat people for the high cost of health care in the U.S. is to ignore the date that show poverty as the most highly associated variable with increased mortality rates, as well as to let the rapacious corporate health insurance industry off the hook.
But, once again — feederism makes all of us who believe in fat acceptance look bad. It doesn’t represent what we stand for. It doesn’t represent Gabourey Sidibe, either.
Wow. I’d never heard of that term “feederism” until today. How… wow. It’s so sad. All of this is so very complex. I can barely stand to read about it.
I found this article very well written and well said. In my opinion she has a few screws loose. She also has kids in my opinion that makes it even worse, its child abuse. Her relationship isnt healthy, if her husband actually encourages and supports her deadly goal, it isnt a good relationship. I am not a fat admirer or anything like that, but in my opinion, there isnt anything healthy nor sane about this couple.
Agreed so much.
Ser size is her business. Her health is her business. Her life her business.
But this isn’t someone making their own choices and living their own lives – this is someone being used and compromising a lot of their own health and ability in doing so. It is as abusive to push your partner to eat until they cannot move as it is to push your partner to starve themselves
I agree so much with this article about abuse. Learning about Donna Simpson horrified me, and it reminded me of this article in Marie Claire(which also horrified).
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/international/forcefeeding-in-mauritania
Like she so obviously points out, in the articles that she wasn’t doing this for herself. She was doing this for her partner and the men she performed for.
How is this any different then believing it is your fault, and your partner’s right to hit you?
Maybe she has a mental issue? Or maybe she was the slightly chubby girl in HS that didn’t have a boyfriend, or friends and got teased relentlessly. And then she met a man that “accepted her for who she was”. Of course as long as she “ate” for him.
I believe that Donna maybe just needs some self-esteem. Shaming her is only going to push her more towards her abuser.
Here’s the thing: I am a feedee. Yes, I went there. I don’t believe that it’s abuse because I am part of it.
What we need to realize about Donna Simpson is that she is not speaking for the entire feederism community. I am rather large myself (5′10″ and about 400 lbs), and even for me, most feeders (that have already been seen in this article as abusive) don’t like a girl as big as me. Most feeders don’t like a girl more than 300 lbs.
We don’t do feederism despite health consequences, as the articles and one individual would have you believe. We balance out feederism with an overall healthy lifestyle. Most people in the world of feederism see it as a fetish, not a lifestyle- it’s something to keep in the bedroom. So, we like a bit of weight gain and some brownies with our sex? Big deal. If I start developing health issues, it’s over.
You also need to realize that almost every feedee I talk to (with the exception of Donna, of course) is into fitness in some kind. We walk to work, do yoga, go to the gym, etc., it’s not our entire being, it is just a fetish, a kinky way of making sex less vanilla that arouses us.
I’m just sick and tired of people judging feederism by one person’s perspective. If you really want a better picture of who we are, ask more of us than just her. You’ll find that with anything (like people who practice autoerotic asphyxiation and such) you have people who take it way beyond where it needs to go, but most of the people are pretty sane about it.
Most feedees don’t spend $750 a week on groceries (if you are wondering, it’s usually about $125 for me, due mainly to the fact I’m never home and constantly eating on the go, and which I will admit is more than average). Most feedees aren’t willing to go to great lengths to gain weight despite mobility issues. And most feeders aren’t in feederism to make all women bed bound.
This article, and the countless other articles that have been written recently about feederism, lack the basics of journalism, which is to take a non-objective view at something from all angles. Instead of talking to NAAFA, how about you find someone else in the fetish and see what is going on? Why don’t we ask the right questions to someone else? No we are focusing on one woman and making her seem like either a victim, a circus freak, or someone completely anti-feminist.
And I don’t think that we are getting the whole picture.
Donna I have seen a few things written and shown on tv about you and your desire to be the heaviest woman in the world, hon please please stop thinking this way you dont have to prove anything to anyone about your size or your confidence, all you will be doing is risking your health, and any future to be around for you little ones, so please please and PLEASE rethink this and start eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight, you are a beautiful woman and from what I have seen a wonderful MOM lets keep you in this world and keep fighting for the heavy people of this world I use to be nearly 720 lbs back in 2000, and I still battle the weight I still weigh 340 lbs, but I am active and I still want so much to lose another 150lb just because I know it will make me feel better health wise and my body will maneuver better, So please once again Donna stop this insanity hon and start a new phase of your life and lose this weight and stick around to see your kids grown and your grandkids PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE
Respectfully Sandy Mathews Albuq, NM
I want to offer Donna Simpson a bigger payday to lose 350lbs lovingly and gently and share that experience with the world, then to get paid to diminish her mobility and risk her life, which will be heart-wrenching for her young daughter.
I am endeavoring to put a state-of-the-art greenhouse dome on the White House lawn to create a global SYMBOL of healthy eating. The proceeds to the merchandizing and fund-raising for the dome will benefit Michelle Obamas Let’s Move campaign to stop childhoood obesity.
Donna could be a globally know crusader for this important cause, richer, and more famous, as well as trim, fit and mobile, in the time it will take her to commit food-assisted suicide. I will fly to her to discuss it if I can get her to contact me.
Denise Martin, author
Eating My Way to Heaven
eating2heaven@gmail.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/eating2heaven?feature=mhw5
I am in court demanind my right as the custodial parent to get my son’s father to stop stuffing him full of junk food. Someone needs to advocate for Donna Simpson’s daughter.