I have an angel

It was 8am, it was time for the moment I have been long waiting for, it was delivery time…after only 2 hours of sleeping my wife's water broke and it was time, we were awake all night because my love had fever all the night, we went to the hospital and she was already exhausted from the night before…at around 1pm they gave her the epidural shot and she staid in the recovery room till 6pm and finally it was time…they took her to the delivery room and I joined them…I felt so sad for her, I wished I could carry some of what she is passing through…I didn't think that my lovely wife is brave and strong like this…the delivery took more than an hour but finally my love almost collapsed and they had to use the vacuumed suction to pull the baby out.

I heard the first cry of Looli (that's the nickname of my baby girl)…I can't describe the feeling, no words can describe it, I'm sure it's the best feeling a human can feel…I cried from happiness and it was a really really great moment that I will never forget, Looli was crying and the brought her near to us and it was another moment that I have been long waiting for, I sang the song that I have been singing for her during the pregnancy and she immediately stopped crying, even now if she cries for a reason that we don't know I just sing to her and she stops, by the way the song is my creation.

Now I feel really great, I feel perfect, flawless and I feel like a king, thank you god for your blessings, thank you for keeping my wife safe and giving me a healthy child, God…I feel great love, great feelings are inside me…It's really great to be a father…I'm soooooooooo happy.    

I'm In :) :)

Yeeeees, finally I'm in...I'm writing from Jordan/Amman, I'm writing this while I'm sitting with my parents and in-laws whom we haven't seen for two years...God, it's great to meet with people you have been missing for so long.

The trip was really exhausting but all the tiredness just disappeared the moment the officer gave us our passports with the entry stamp in them...we went to Baghdad's airport at 7am, the flight was supposed to be at 11:30 am but it was postponed to 4:30pm and about 4pm a sand storm was in Baghdad so we can't fly until the storm is gone which normally takes a day!!! but I didn't worry because something insides me told me that everything will be fine...this is the fist time that I went to Amman and I'm sure everything will be fine for reasons I'll explain later...anyway, at about 6pm the weather got a bit better and we were ably to fly...we reached Queen Alia's airport (Amman's airport) and once we got off the plane and got into the bus, I started to have a squeeze in my heart, I don't know how to describe it but I was angry, sad, happy, traumatized, excited...I had almost all the feeling a man could feel...we got out of the bus and I felt much better when they took us to direction opposite to that of the jail, that means the situation might be better...I don't want to go into boring details so after 45min they let us in! I couldn't believe it and till this moment I'm not.

I'll tell you a little secret, since the moment my baby girl was created inside my wife everything was taking the right path...everything good started happening to us and almost nothing bad happened! Yes, I believe I have a lucky charm. Yes, it's my baby girl...and that's why I'm always optimistic these days, I believe god is helping and standing by our side because of her, I believe god loves this unborn girl.

so, now I can say that everything is perfect (thank you god) but for one thing that I don't have a salary but I believe god will compensate me, either materialistically or by other means.

Getting closer

At last, I almost got what I've been long waiting and wishing for, some of our personal fears have been defeated.

About two months ago we applied for a visa to Jordan. Thank god we got it, we got the visa and we were approved for entering Jordan, I still can't believe that this is possible; us getting to Jordan so that my wife could have a natural delivery with good medical care and overcome the medical disasters here (which I discussed in an earlier post) we got it because my in-laws signed a paper there to guarantee that we will return to Iraq otherwise they will be jailed and they will lose everything they have in Amman and for that we got approved.

And because we must reach Jordan by the beginning of my wife's ninth month of pregnancy and she should rest for at least another month, then a bigger challenge awaits me that is getting a leave for two months, once I got the visa I started working on that, I applied for two months with salary and it was rejected by the district's health manager despite that I deserve it because I have credit of 65 days of accumulating leave days (each month the employee have 3 days to take them as leaves and if he didn't take them it will be accumulated so that he could take them all at once) he rejected it saying that my wife can have delivery here and when I told him that I deserve more than 2 months for any reason, even if I wanted just to have some rest, he rejected the application again! I'm sure it's for personal reasons because of the dispute we had with him about the clinic's generator that he refused to fix (I discussed that in an earlier post), then I applied for two months without salary and he rejected the request for the third time because "you are needed in the clinic" as he wrote back despite that we are three dentists now with one dental chair that isn't even working. So after three weeks of the exhausting tries to get it done I finally gave up on that because he will never give me the leave no matter what I do or how hard I try.

I decided to go the ministry of health and see what can I do, wishing that I can get an order from above so that my district's health manager can't reject my request…I wanted to meet the minister and the guard told me that this isn't his business, I wanted to meet other officials in the ministry but my efforts weren't successful, as I was wandering in the ministry hloding the heaviest mountains in my chest and carrying the saddest expression on my face I decided to call my father and ask him if he knows anyone that could help me…I called him and he gave me a name and a number of a man who works in the ministry that might be able to do something as he said…I called him and he was very welcoming and told me where to find him, I went to him and he was a very nice man with some power, he said I can give you two months without salary that's the maximum I can do, It was great for me, at least it's a leave even if it's not paid.

I took the orders after finishing some application and took it to the district's health manager, I felt like I have defeated him which gave me a very good feeling.

Now I'm in the final stages of getting the leave (because Bureaucracy really suffocates in Iraq)… everything might look good but there is a bad side in all of that; I'll have no salary for two months, It's true that I'm in real need of the salary specially at this time but my desire for my baby to be born without complications and my wife's life and her health after delivery is much more important than the salaries.

If god wills, I'll be leaving to Amman within 10 days from now, wish me luck my dear friends and readers and I'd really appreciate the donations to compensate for the two months without payment and my salary loss, it would be greatly appreciated and I'd be really thankful.

Thank you in advance

Purple pride

I'm so sorry my dear readers for being late on giving you insights for the Election Day, but you know me; I wouldn't neglect such important event unless there is a good reason. I was waiting for the New York Times to publish my article.
So here is the link for my article in the New York Times newspaper

And here is the article:
I WOKE up with hope, hope for Iraq to be taken along the correct path by its sons. I woke to the noises voters were making in the street. As I dressed I was thinking about how different this election would be. Most of the people I know were not voting based on sects, but on sense. We are sick to death of corruption and sectarianism, and desperate for a change.
Many people I spoke to had no faith in the credibility of the elections, thinking that the winners were already decided. But they wanted to do their part, hoping they might be wrong. Others voted to satisfy their consciences — especially after some religious leaders announced that it would be a sin not to participate.
I opened the door and I felt a very soft breeze. The weather was great, neither hot nor cold, perfect for a walk in the car-free streets, a walk along the sacred road to democracy. Yet with every step my hopes were crushed by a sad reality: there were far fewer people heading to the polls than there had been in previous elections. Still, there were some scenes that filled my heart with joy: for example, an elderly woman, so stooped she could barely walk, pushing her husband to a polling station in his wheelchair.
With the sparse crowds, I had only a short wait before the employee found my name in the list and gave me my voting paper. I took it to the booth and chose what I believed was best for Baghdad, then I painted my finger purple — it might look ugly, but I like it and I’m proud of it. At the same time, a child reached the table and insisted on painting his finger, too; everybody smiled because he was so happy about it.
On my way home I developed an obsession of looking at the fingertips of every man and woman I passed. Too many had no ink. I hope the electoral committee does its part better than we did. I hope the election will not be fraudulent and the winners will not let us down. And I hope the people who didn’t vote this time will do so next time, and a real democracy will be achieved in the land where the first laws of the human race were set.

And for my dear readers, here is an addition:
I went back from the polling center with my wife to our friends' house, and there we found some other friends of us and we took this photo that speaks almost everything….a group of real Iraqis; Sunnis, Shiites and a Kurd who all are united in friendship and in purple fingers, what a nice day it was, we had lots of fun and some useful political conversations.
The primary results till now shows the winning of Maliki at the first place then Dr.Ayad Alwai in the second place…If this will be the final results, then I'll be satisfied, the party I think is the best among the available candidates will take the second place; that's good for me.
And Maliki in my opinion is bad but he is much better when he left the coalition (Ali`tilaf) and left AlHakeem, and better than Sadriasts and Dr.Jaffari.
Well, I hope the candidates that people have elected and placed their faith in will not let us down.

Let's talk about candidates and elections

It is good to discuss the future in these days which brings the past to the present; in days that seems pretty much like the ugly old days and us being in the dark as always it's really important to discuss the main topic that occupies the minds of most Iraqis; it's good to talk about the candidates to prevent another 4-years' disaster if it's even in our hands!

Within a week Iraqis will elect their candidates for the provisional elections which is a very important election because those candidates will be responsible for most things in the governorate they were elected for. The past few days were really like the dark period, so much explosions that you can hear everywhere, many roads closed suddenly, the continuous symphony of bullets and of course so many deaths and casualties. 2 days ago there were 2 explosions in Adhamiya and one explosive pack that was found before it explodes (that's what I was able to know among so many explosions and waves of bullets) one of the explosions targeted the dean of the Islamic university who happens to be a candidate also and killed 5 innocent people, while yesterday explosions in Zaiona and another in Mansour were reported (that's also what I was able to know because the silence of the media is terrible). It seems like the guys are preparing themselves for the elections and that brings us to the main subject which is the CANDIDATES.

The rules for the elections are really vague, what will be the procedures of choosing who will occupy the chair be? It haven't been published to the people…How did the elections' higher committee check the liability of the candidates? Did they check their financial position and records to verify the source of their wealth? Did they check their education certificates to see if they are telling the truth about it? Did they really check their criminal records? Unfortunately NO, they haven't despite that this is their job; it's not only counting voices that they have to do and observing the elections' centers in which they failed too….

All the parliament members didn't approve to the law of giving financial standings at all!! Guess why? Yesterday an independent candidate called a debate program on a local Iraqi channel and discussed one of the laws which was really strange; if a list failed to achieve the required number of points then all its points will be given to the big list!!! Well, who decides which list is big and which one is small? This is absurd let's say I chose a list for secular candidates and they didn't make it, in what reason should my voice be directed to a fanatic Islamic party? What logic is this? The higher committee MUST protect the people from choosing the criminals and thieves because many people don't know them, in the debate program also a man called from Alshaab district in Baghdad and said that they have three candidates that he knows for sure were in a militia (JAM) and where responsible for the death of hundreds of people and terrifying thousands while they were wearing black and now they are wearing suits (without a tie of course) and running for elections and this is the case in so so many governorates as I understood from people who were calling but the case is severe in Baghdad where the big prize is, there are countless numbers of candidates with blood stained hands or stained brains (the ones who didn't kill by their hands but killed by their orders and sick ideologies that they spread) and I don't want to give examples and names because it will be a very long post but it 

can't be as long as the list of the candidates is! Thousands of people have became candidates, men and women who we never heard of, who have done nothing to Iraq, who haven't participated in any political, humanitarian or social events…wherever you go in Baghdad you would see big posters occupying every inch of every wall or concrete block with a photo (mostly)  of an ugly person with an evil look in his eyes and a catchy slogan, more empty shells which if wanted to be filled it will be filled with the love of money, hatred to others and corruption and the last thing to care about is the good of Iraq and Iraqis….like the Shahristani (oil minister) with his recent techniques to satisfy his masters in Iran when he blocked the support of the black oil to the Iraqi bricks companies which lead to the absence of bricks in the market and that's when the Iranian brick companies saved the situation and started exporting their bricks to Iraq and fill the markets with!!! OH, thank you Iran for saving us, what a disgusting situation.

And for more sad events you should know that some parties mainly the "big parties" are using really sick methods…they send their monkeys (the men who works with them) to the poor neighborhoods which is occupied by simple people and have high population, the monkeys gives people blankets for free but they carry a Koran in the other hand, the monkeys gives the blanket in one hand in condition that the one who takes it must swear by God with his hands on the Koran that he will elect the "big party" (it is a very big sin if a man didn't do what he swear to do with hands on the Koran), what a dirty way to manipulate people and forge the elections…another party buys voices also in poor areas and the price is 50 000 ID which is about 45$, what a cheap price to sell Iraq for! It really makes me sick….this is completely true and from eye witnesses.

Few days ago I was talking with a relative who got to read the detailed list for PM Almaliki and we really laughed a lot, thank you Maliki for that laugh and for the worms you want to give us! In the list there is the name of the candidate, his number in the list and his higher educational level….in the field of the educational level you can see miracles one of the candidates is "doctor to-be"!!! Another is "His father is a doctor"!!! And another candidate is a real doctor (physician) but what kind of physicians he is? He was a member in the team who had a hideout in Palestine St. where they used to kidnap disadvantaged kids mainly suffering from Trisomy Syndrome (mongolism) to take their Kidneys and other organs to sell it, that was at Saddam's times and he is running for elections now! Just imagine for few seconds what will he do when he is in power, just imagine? Have mercy on us god….A man who lives in UK called the debate program also because he was an observer in the last elections and he confirmed that the results were forged in so many ways and he wanted to give names but the presenter said that there should be no names because it's the policy of the program…  such stories seems to have no end, we can talk and never finish about the reality of most candidates but what I wanted to say is that it's more like a primary school theater play than real elections but this doesn't mean I'll not elect…sure I will, if it was to be forged and manipulated then it will be whether I elect or not but at least I'll do my part and choose what I want.

There is one last thing that I've noticed from watching and listening to debate programs on the local channels about the elections that is: most people have learned their lesson the hard way and will never be blind-followers at least that's what the callers have said and the people they know…we will see, it's not too far, just few days from now and we will see….if the results came out with the winning of the "big parties" which I expect then it means one of the following: either the elections were forged or people have sold their souls to the devil or my people didn't learn and if they didn't learn from all of this then they will never learn and if they are never going to learn then there is absolutely no hope in Iraq so god help us.

You might have noticed that this post have the higher number of question marks and exclamation marks among my posts and that's because my head is really filled with them same as the heads of the Iraqis who wants the best for their country, we only have question marks, unfortunately.

Reality of the health services' situation in Baghdad

I didn't know that health services are deteriorated to such level until I became a patient! I knew for a fact that health services are really bad in Baghdad and Iraq in general but I never imagined it was in such a miserable condition.

Two days ago and out of the sudden, I felt a tooth ache, it was dull continuous pain with sensitivity to vertical percussion and since I'm a dentist I knew exactly what I have; chronic pulpitis (infection of the pulp) in case the tooth is not endodonticaly treated (root canal filling) but since my tooth is treated then it's a periodontal abscess 

(abscess at the top of the root)…I went to take an x-ray at the clinic where my wife's work (because we don't have x-ray) and I knew I just needed a course of a strong anti-biotic with scaling and the problem might resolve it self, if it doesn't then I'll need re-treatment.

I took the x-ray and my wife did the scaling (professional cleaning) for me and as she was scaling she was looking for any cavities that I might have because it has been a long period since I checked my teeth and unfortunately, she found 3 teeth that needs filling (initial caries) I went to the operative department (filling department) and I found out that they have only one working chair with tens of patients waiting, they don't have water in their turbine (drill) and treatment like this will be more destructive than constructive, they don't have light cure filling (white filling) in fact they do but it has expired in Jan. 2007!!! So I decided to go to another clinic that I know a dentist who works in it and it was the same condition, no light cure and no water!! I went to another one and they had no electricity, I went to another and they have no anesthesia and no light cure, I went to another and they had no working chair, I also went to another which is considered the best governmental clinic in Baghdad and they had everything except for one thing, they have only one color for the light cure fillings which is the dark one! If I did it with this color I'll look pretty ugly so of course I didn't do it because my tooth is a lateral incisor (front tooth).

OK, you might think to your self why don't you go to private clinics…well, of course I thought about that but the problem is majority of the good dentists that I know have left Iraq either because they were threatened or they fear that they will be, if they weren't killed…I knew some good ones left but they have closed their clinics…one of them is opening till now but he doesn't accept to take money from me and I really don't like to do that because I know materials cost him in addition to that his clinic is really full so he will lose a patient (who pays) because of me since he must close at a certain time ….I might jump to a dentist that I don't know but the problem is in knowledge, sometimes when a man doesn't know it's better for him…I know very well the consequences of a simple procedural error or the use of a not very good materials (which are cheaper) and many dentists use it to increase their profit since they can't raise their fees otherwise no one will go to them…so what should I do? I really don't know…wait, I just got a thought now and I think I'll do it! I think I'll buy the light cure materials and all what I need and go to one of the clinics that don't have materials…OK, I'll do that but what about the rest of the people, what will they do? I'm a dentist and my wife is a dentist and I'm in such a confusion what about the normal people? The ones who can afford a private clinic will go to a clinic but what about the ones who can't? the dental treatment is somehow expensive for some people, it's much cheaper than what you pay; in fact it can't be compared but it's still expensive for many people here…the filling have a range of 22$, the extraction have a range of 15$ and the scaling have a range of 20$....I really just want to know one thing, where does the money go? Where does the billions of the health ministry goes?

 

 

Now to another disaster in the health services, it's the Gynecologists (physicians specialized in women's stuff), pregnancy follow-up and delivery…since my wife is pregnant and her due date is getting closer. Unfortunately, I'm able to feel the pain of the Iraqis who needs this kind of health services. You know what they say; you can't really feel the pain unless you're in it…I must say that governmental pregnancy follow-up is good 

depending on what they have because they don't need materials, they just need doctors and the doctors are really doing their best; immunization, monthly blood tests and almost free supplements but they don't have ultra-sound but it's not a problem since there are many private clinics in which one can do it, BTW, in all Iraq there is no 3D ultrasound, the most modern device we have here is from the 90's generation, In all Iraq we don't have the tests for the early detection of Trisomy syndrome (Mongolism)  or any other birth defects, there is no good and famous gynecologist left in Iraq, only two left; one of them comes for a week and leave for months…I went to the only one left before we knew my wife is pregnant, we just suspected that she is, we though that she had some problem because her cycle didn't come at time or maybe she is pregnant, she gave us an injection that she said will be good for the fetus if she is pregnant and will prevent miscarriage and if she isn't pregnant she will have her cycle! We went home and I was just going to inject her when I though to myself "I haven't read the leaflet of the injection?" I always do before taking anything…so I read it and I cried "that murderer"; all the leaflet is filled with precautions of giving this shot if there is any suspension of pregnancy because it will kill the fetus….well, that's the only good Gynecologist left, she was really old so she might be having Alzheimer or something…thank god, I read the leaflet and didn't kill my baby with my own hands.

So till now we don't have a Gynecologist that we go to regularly, I depend on books and asking my father about things, and sometimes we go to Gynecologist that we hear is good but we don't have a physician who will deliver my wife.

Now to the worst part of it…the delivery! Since me and my wife want natural delivery then we must think of the epidural shot; well, there isn’t in majority of baghdad's hospitals, some have it but the doctors aren't well trained on it and many cases of permanent paralysis were reported, so we will have to skip it…we have this stupid policy in our hospitals (whether private or governmental) that no one is allowed to be with the woman who is delivery! Having a delivery is the most hard time in the women's life and they don't allow her husband (even if he was a doctor) or her mother to be with the delivering woman! This is absolute non-sense, it doesn't matter how much you pay even if you booked a whole floor you will not be allowed to be with your wife! And as if that isn't enough, do you know who delivers the mother? It's not the doctor as you probably guessed, the nurse will deliver the mother in most hospitals if it was natural delivery and if the mother took a long delivery time then they will do a c-section (caesarian) without thinking twice, like it's a routine procedure! Let alone the fact that if the mother had to deliver at night, how difficult it will be to take her to the hospital…that's about the difficulties I have in the health services, what about the people who aren't in the medical field….those were the difficulties in two branches of medicine and you can imagine what's the case with the rest of them…I wish there is a person to blame or specific side to throw the blame on but unfortunately there are countless sides and people to throw the blame on…it's all about corruption, decades of falling behind the medical developments, physicians and doctors with little medical ethics who will have high ethics when they leave Iraq!, doctors who are really bad in their job but holds important positions because they are from a specific political party or they know "people", sectarian violence, gangs working under the mask of religion, people with agenda of brain-killing Iraq….and the list goes on.

I know I shouldn't be asking for such services because I'm a third world citizen, but what can I do? As I said, knowledge is harmful sometimes, and knowledge is for sure harmful in Iraq. 

The Grants

The grants

It has been about a month and we're still without electricity in the clinic I work in, it has been a month since I really treated a patient, I just write prescriptions now and I really hate working like this but what can I do…we don't have national grid support to the clinic because it has been built recently and as I said before it's in the outskirts of Baghdad so nobody cares about it since no one of the "hot shots" from the ministry will go there so our requests is lost between the awful Bureaucratic procedures …we used to have a generator to support us with the electricity that we need but it broke down about a month ago and we wrote countless requests to the manager of the whole health offices in the district and he didn't move a hair… 3 days ago we went to talk to him and he said it's not my business! Then whose business is it?

Anyway, I felt a little hungry today (since I'm just sitting and have nothing to do) and I went to buy something from the near-by shop but it was closed and there were workers rebuilding and repainting the shop so I went back to the clinic and asked the pharmacist where to find another shop (since most of the area are farms and I'm new here) and why is it closed? And he said:" The Americans gave grants to all the shop owners in the area, to fix their shops and make them modern, so the shop owner took that grant and he is doing a make over to his shop…you can find another shop about 2Km from here, it's another shop that the Americans gave money for" and because some people refer to any westerner as Americans I asked him if they were US soldiers or just westerners, he said that they were US soldiers they visited the shops and took pictures for them and after the shop owners finish the makeover they come again and take pictures, he was talking in an angry way like it is something bad so I asked him "what's wrong in that, why are you angry" he said" it's our money, our oil money and they pretend that it's theirs!" I answered him" well, if they are taking our oil and do such things then it's better than our government who also takes the oil but never do such things, if they are going to take it, they will take it anyway isn't it better that some Iraqis gets benefits…for example look at us…it has been a month and no one fixed the generator! And that bastard tells us it's not his business!...I'm not saying the Americans are good, but what they did is a good thing… and it's also in their best interest…spending on shops is much cheaper and better than spending on armors of tanks or giving money for the families of their dead soldiers…it is also a way to reduce the violence against them and at the same time benefit the people of the area, I think it is a really smart move and a very good thing" he said " but it's our stolen money" I said "who cares if it's the devil's money, there are people who really in need for this money, and this is a chance for them to have a legal work"….we continued talking and no one was able to convince the other….but I want to clear my view a little….I don't support anyone or any side in particular, I try to be always in the middle, I support what is good and when I see something good I say it's good no matter who did it, even if it was my worst personal enemy and he did something good I'll admit it, this is my personality and this is what I believe in….giving grants for small projects is a really good thing because this will lead to many thing like: improving the situation of the whole neighborhood, there will be job opportunities for those who don't have jobs (because it's not only for small grocery stores but for all the kinds of shops like bakeries for example) and this leads to less people in need for money so this will lead to less people joining the militias for money and doing illegal or violent actions in return for the money they receive and this will lead to a more stable area....and this is a good thing for the US soldiers as well as the Iraqis…some people will look at this as a betrayal to Iraq because they are taking money from an invader, but I don't see it like this...if they were taking it to do bad things to Iraq or Iraqis then it will be betrayal, if they were taking it to be spies it will be betrayal, if they were taking it to help the US doing bad things to Iraqis it will be betrayal…other than that I think it's a food thing and everyone will benefit from it then why not?…I might be mistaken but this is how I see it.