Moxie

It only took a decade, but sitemeter recorded my 2,000th visitor today and I’d like to extend a giant thank you to that person.

While it would be fun to say, this person was from Pittsburgh, Australia or Los Angeles, somehow it feels wrong to make any comment about my landmark blog reader, seeing as there are so few of them.

Looking forward to having my 3,000th blog reader by 2019.

Carry on and stay tuned!

Smells like Michelle.

Now all we need is to have the remaining 983 pages of socialized medicine dropped, killed and buried and this might be America, again.

God, Jr. was off his teleprompter the other day and pointed out government wasn’t really great at running things. He compared Fedex and UPS to the US Postal Service. The USPS was always screwing up. This may be the only honest and transparent thing he has ever said.

When someone sends me something larger than an envelope via USPS….I wait around all day and it’s not delivered. Then in the evening I find a slip in the mailbox. This happened repeatedly, and I had to go wait in line at the post office a few times to pick up what someone had paid a few precious bucks to have delivered to me at my door.

The third time I asked why the mail carrier never knocked, called or attempted to deliver the packages.

“You don’t get no call about no package? Oh, yeah. She don’t deliver none of them packages. You gonna have to come here to get ‘em”.

She wasn’t kidding.

I anticipate ambulance service to be the same way, should this utter nonsense slip through the house and senate.

“You got a heart attack, you say? Can’t breathe? Chest Pains? Our guys don’t pick nobody up. You gonna have to come here and wait in line”.

Roxana Mayer decided she was a doctor at an astroturf town hall meeting in Texas, so I decided to appoint myself to the US Supreme Court.

As a wise Caucasian woman, I will certainly make better decisions than a white liberal male.

UPDATE: Now with photographic evidence. I must say, Dr. The Ugly American did a nice job with my hair and fancy collar.

Patterico has emailed with “Dr.” Roxana Mayer. Click here for the scoop.

Click for your VRWC enjoyment on the free-for-now innerneck.

I didn’t need two journalists to tell me God, Jr. is bad at the maths, but this article is a must read anyway.

H/T to HotAir.

Doc Weasel has a great roundup on reactions to the Obama Joker poster, and even better, a rasterized PDF version you can download!

Now your dog can also wear a backwards robe!

As one of the late night hosts said, we already took their nuts, now we can also take their dignity.

Last year I began some research, for a future humor book about academia.

This hilarious post by Iowahawk, could not only pass for real things I have in my files, but is better written than anything I could ever produce! Enjoy.

My latest post at Big Hollywood. Please note, I have never and will never call Barack “President” — that was added by the BH editors.

Click here.

I Ate Jimmy Kimmel’s Meat

and I am NOT ashamed to admit it

Earlier in the week, journalists at the Television Critics Association press tour were complaining about the food,

“Cold ham sandwiches, cold chicken salad, cold turkey sandwiches–one jaded journo muttered that even San Quentin had hamburger day.”

Well on Tuesday afternoon, it was hamburger day and a true “be careful what you wish for” moment.

At an ABC sponsored lunch on Tuesday, an aproned and perspiring Jimmy Kimmel stood proudly behind the flaming industrial grill. This was nothing less than an extreme stunt, as it was pushing 100 degrees in Pasadena, thanks to BushCo’s “expedited global warming” plan. Mr. Kimmel gleefully wiped his brow with a dishrag and then passed off burgers to hungry writers. And damn it they tasted good — for the first 3-5 bites.

Cathy and I thought they tasted salty at first. Eventually, I tasted something resembling sweat. Or sweaty male. With a really pungent “off flavor”. Unwashed sweaty male?

Fortunately, Jimmy Kimmel graced us with his special recipe — he adds teriyaki sauce to his burgers. I was both relieved and nauseated by the whole ordeal. But most disturbing was how he suggested we cook these up for our neighbors, “they’ll love you”.

Yeah, if they like to burp teriyaki and have feverish nightmares for two days.

This was a monumental first for ABC. Specifically, they cleared up once and for all that they are not The Food Network. Secondly, in no uncertain terms it was clear, Jimmy Kimmel best serves the masses through his comedy.

Kimmel, step away from the grill, and no one gets hurt.

I’m not saying I’ll never blog here again, but I’m also not saying I will.

Those who know me, know where to find me. Bye for now.

Justice Ginsburg Says She Originally Thought Roe v. Wade Was Designed to Limit ‘Populations That We Don’t Want to Have Too Many Of’

Like liberal Supreme Court Justices? In that case, yes. More, abortions please.

Not shockingly, she and I share an alma mater, but I think that’s about all we have in common.

I could love Victoria Jackson any more. But I can.

Hitler did this.  He killed the weak, the sick, the old, and babies and races/religions he didn’t like.  Hitler also controlled the media.  (Where’s the public debate between scientists on “Climate Change/Global Warming?”)   Hitler had the VW bug invented as the state car. What will O’s nationalized car be? So… kill off the weak.  That’s the plan.  Tax the workers to death.  Erase the middle class.  Sounds like the evil governments we studied in high school long ago.  The evil governments were :  kings, oligarchies, facist, socialist, and communist.  Now it’s called the Obama Administration. Sounds like candy or a rock band.

I grew up watching Victoria on SNL, wanting to be just like her when I grew up, and you know what? When I was all grown up, I met Victoria and she said, “Moxie? Someone just mentioned you to me!” and I thought, “I can die now”. And sure enough, it will be so once God Jr. starts euthanizing those of us who are too expensive to keep alive.

I’m really tired of thinking about Sarah Palin. It’s the eve of our country’s unofficial birthday and the last thing I want to think about is why someone quits. Once you quit, you are a loser. Period.

What if our founding fathers quit? Would we give them a second chance? Would we even know their names hundreds of years later?

I liked Sarah Palin because she’s got the fiscally conservative ideas going, and for me as an atheist, I liked that her speeches weren’t endless references to god and jesus. Conservatism may not be perfect, but it’s the best we got.

Calm down my libertarian friends. Go look at the Reason Magazine piece listing which staff members and associates voted for who, then read the current whining about Barack. They got exactly what they voted for. Bob Barr (wasted votes), and most went with socialism in the name of God, Jr. because he’s black and knows his way around a teleprompter. Yep. The magazine lost all credibility in my eyes, which makes me really sad.

So anyway, back to quitters. This appears to be a horrible mistake on Sarah’s part, or perhaps she’s truly done with politics, for the sake of her family, which is a noble decision. That I can understand, but she should have said as much. Now we sit around whispering about possible scandals instead of enjoying the 4th and what is left of our freedom.

The only thing that makes me slightly happy is thinking of all those liberal MSM lemmings on flights to Alaska, when they thought this would be a weekend with friends and family. Enjoy that flight, folks! And please, don’t worry at all about the family you are harming.

If you are like me, you are overwhelmed with employment opportunities, thanks to the hundreds of billions of dollars God, Jr has thrown into the economy. Who knew socialism was so sexy?

It’s hard to decide if I want to build a tunnel for turtles, or build a golf course in Oregon. Or, work for ACORN and spend my time harrassing citizens about their toilets, or finding out important things like “boxers or briefs”.

Decisions. Decisions.

Really, I’m just so excited to be wrong about God, Jr.

Here’s an open thread for the next few days — please tell me which exciting stimulus job you are going to take, and how many times you are going to vote for Barack Hussein in 2012.

I want to thank the judges who placed me in the Right Wing News, 15 Hottest Conservative Women in New Media list. While I am grateful, I feel both unworthy and obligated to suggest eye exams. But that’s neither here nor there.

Having urged John Hawkins to interview single male conservative bloggers on the perils of dating in God, Jr’s world, and John being too heterosexual to take on the task, I am currently writing it myself.

Though, as a conservative, I hate the idea of diversity — in the interest of appealing to female readers from around the country and globe — I am trying to locate bloggers of all age ranges and in various locations. If you are male, single, a blogger and a conservative with a picture please email me.

Lastly, I’m working on something about free speech. I hope to post it both here on Moxie and in the Hot Air Green Room by Monday. If I don’t, someone needs to kick my ass.

UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that Melissa at Right Wing News already did a hot bloggers post, so alas, I will not be doing one.

http://facebook.com/moxie

Stay classy, Michelle.