I Ate Jimmy Kimmel’s Meat
and I am NOT ashamed to admit it
Earlier in the week, journalists at the Television Critics Association press tour were complaining about the food,
“Cold ham sandwiches, cold chicken salad, cold turkey sandwiches–one jaded journo muttered that even San Quentin had hamburger day.”
Well on Tuesday afternoon, it was hamburger day and a true “be careful what you wish for” moment.
At an ABC sponsored lunch on Tuesday, an aproned and perspiring Jimmy Kimmel stood proudly behind the flaming industrial grill. This was nothing less than an extreme stunt, as it was pushing 100 degrees in Pasadena, thanks to BushCo’s “expedited global warming” plan. Mr. Kimmel gleefully wiped his brow with a dishrag and then passed off burgers to hungry writers. And damn it they tasted good — for the first 3-5 bites.
Cathy and I thought they tasted salty at first. Eventually, I tasted something resembling sweat. Or sweaty male. With a really pungent “off flavor”. Unwashed sweaty male?
Fortunately, Jimmy Kimmel graced us with his special recipe — he adds teriyaki sauce to his burgers. I was both relieved and nauseated by the whole ordeal. But most disturbing was how he suggested we cook these up for our neighbors, “they’ll love you”.
Yeah, if they like to burp teriyaki and have feverish nightmares for two days.
This was a monumental first for ABC. Specifically, they cleared up once and for all that they are not The Food Network. Secondly, in no uncertain terms it was clear, Jimmy Kimmel best serves the masses through his comedy.
Kimmel, step away from the grill, and no one gets hurt.