March 14, 2009

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I am giving up searching for cosmic complicated answers for my unusual questions... and try to be satisfied with the simple ones.

but i still would love to compare between simple answers and cosmic unusual ones

1) why those men who get to know me.. fall in love with me.. lust me.. and cannot stay away from me!!

unusual answer: cause i am the reincarnation of an ancient goddess of love, sexuality and magic

simple answer: cause i am a woman and that is it, men has no reason to be attracted to women, that is the way their system goes.

a goddess is a woman in the inside and outside, so simple answer is in a way or another a simple interpretation to the unusual one .. but still men has something in their mind that make them sence the femininity of the woman in front of them, no matter how tough she tried to seem... the bless of eve shows

2)what is death?

unusual answer: the transfer from one status to another, from the material to the spiritual existence while living in another dimension that has a transparent wall from which the dead are able to watch us... moreover death gives the soul a very high ability to transmit worries and guidance to the beloved ones.. so it is an enhancement in ones senses after all


simple answer: the body stop functioning and the person stop existing

mmm no there is a difference between those two answers, the first one is much more optimistic lol .. and the second is dark and sad ... read between lines

3) does love really exist?

unusual answer: love is a status of attraction and creation of physical and spiritual bond and responsibilities between two existing entities; those entities can or cannot be of the same genre, they can be two humans, a human and an animal, or a human and a unliving thing like a book or a house or a car... and as we can see human is the key word, cause simply they created that term .. and their life evolves around it since the dawn of time.


Simple answer: no

that was too simple :) but why they are contradicting !!! one says yes, and one says no !!!
i think the reason is on how we look at the word love; with its absolute meaning, or relative one!!
i cannot tell which is right, although both are mine ..

4)how do i perceive my relation with nature?

unusual answer: swim naked, stand naked feeling the morning breezes or under the rain, lay naked on the green grass and flower petals...


simple answer: nature nurture my senses

finally a similarity here, we feel through our bodies.. that is why touching is a very important mean to create bonds between two persons... we feel unmaterialistic things with our mind, and we feel materialistic things with our body... and since nature in its core is material existin things, so our body is the best tool to feel it and nurture our senses with its hidden magic.

5) one final question... why everytime i think i find the path .. i loose it? why everytime i think i found happiness.. it disappears ?

unusual answer: Fate.. we never know what is coming

simple answer: Fate... we never know what is coming


No comment on that


My Strange Idea for Today

I want to work in a radio station in a spiritual and self help program!!!... do i fit?

November 30, 2008

Wisdom of Life




Angels never lived on earth

November 18, 2008

It is Autumn


Dreams:
i wrote before about my dreams... usually they are of the exhausting type... suck my energy.. and leave me weary..
lately i am exposed to a set of "Dreams that carries a message"... this use to happen to me from time to time ... but since the beginning of this week... i am having them on daily basis

every day a dream
every day i see symbols
everyday i receive a message ... from god maybe .. from my inner self maybe ..
I cant say they are all bad .. but they are so exhausting .. so so so exhausting ..

my soul leaves my body every night ... roam in worlds of dreams .. fight.. cry.. kill .. die .. die .. die
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Expectations:
years ago i thought myself a principal ... and a rule about expectations
the rule is simple : don't expect, and if you do .. always expect the worst

i am not pessimistic ... i am realistic

nothing good comes from life .. or those who live in it...
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Music and Nescafe
they share one characteristic ... i am addicted to both!!

i hardly take of my ipod earphone ... and i hardly stop drinking nescafe during the day

both are slow killers

music is killing my sense of reality... my gate to runaway
and nescafe is killing my stomach.. and my brain... make me thin (which is cool lol )
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I don't care:

i don't care if i lived
i don't care if i died

i don't care if i am happy
i don't care if i am sad
i don't care if i am real
i don't care if i am a ghost
blank .. silent blank space ..
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November:
sweet sad November ... my favorite month ... the time when angels call for peace
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2008
ending .. finally .. one of the lousiest years of my life
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work
my name is the research dept. ... true .. as there is only one person in this dept. and this person is me..........................LOADED
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My Strange Idea for Today

Isn't what you read strange enough !!!

November 12, 2008

Tabitha



Tabitha is the name ..
i dunno who she is .. she is no blogger ... she is just a passer by

i found her sweet comment today ... as usual touched the hidden dream in me ...

on the post "let it rain" she commented with 4 words "People should read this" ...

reading her comment draw a smile ... and send me to dreams ... to remember others who have the same opinion

one conclusion
i have to release my words.. to the whole world .. even the vast virtual space we all live in is not enough ..

knocking on the gates of my dreams
i wish to be a writer ...

but i am afraid

i fear failure

i fear ......... realizing the dream

fear is sealing my senses

and left me wordless and dreamless

people beleive in me.. but how about me!!!

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i fly .. i fly
so high ... so high
but i face a ceiling

to the right ... to the left
sealed windows and doors

i fall .. and fall
and take my words with me
hide them inside
and dream that one day we will be free



My strange Idea for Today


i stopped calling myself a blogger... a writer...

or anything that has to do with words

November 08, 2008

Remember Me...

November 03, 2008

I Feel NOT !!!



4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD! i hate it when i sleep early, and wake up even earlier than my usual time...


this time.. the time when silence is dominating over the kingdom of man... for me it is the most peacful time of the day... and the most fearful


why peacful? well, as i said, silence, everybody is asleep, and if not, they are too weary to make any annoying activities.


and why fearful!! cause i think.. it is not that i dont think 24/7, but my thoughts are deeper and i find myself communicating with the thing i am trying to hide from ...


4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love this hour specifically... maybe cause i am fond of even numbers .. so u can imagine what are my favorite hours :D 12, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10

they are my hours of luck .. or maybe that is what i wanna convince myself with... am superstitious
!!

4 am in the morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i started to bla bla bla already ... i was going to write about something, and here i am talking about something else ! grrrrrrrrrrrr my restless mind !


ok .. let me try again...


My beloved readers ... I FEEL NOT

No doubt in that

and no joke about that


couple of days ago i saw the movie "pirats of the carribean - the curse of the black pearl" , some pirates were cursed, and the curse is to live without feeling .. strangely enough i know how it feels lol ...


c that... i know how it feels not to feel lol


i told my younger sister that other day "do you know how it is when you eat menth sweets and then drink cold water... it gives you a cold refreshing feeling in your throat and cheast.. for me .. i feel the same all the time ... but in the place of my heart"


the poor thing was looking at me with wide speechless eyes... it is either she thinks i am crazy, or feel pitty for me... or doesnt understand a single word of what i am saying..


i am not exagerating

but i feel not
i hardly can call what i feel ... a feeling

i feel no joy

i feel no sadness
i feel no worry

i feel no fear

i feel no pleasure

i feel no love

i feel no passion

i feel no sympathy

i feel no compassion


i feel not

i feel nothing


there are only two feelings consuming me and turning me to the creature i am


the fire of anger


and the coldness of loneliness


they have destroyed my senses.. my feelings... me


Hard to beleive ... hard to imagine ... feelings are like trees ... if not fed with pure water, fresh air, and loving care ... they dies


the worst thing is that it hurts physically .. not just emotionally !!


ps: this one is for you Sherif for you always see the bright side in matters... i may write about love... or joy... or beautifl magical things... but they are mere imagination, which doesnt belong to this world .. just live in a world of my own creation.

My Strange Idea of Today

Heart of Stone .. Heart of Ice ..

I Shall Die Young

October 10, 2008

My Chanting... My believes