Sure I love the dear silver that shines in her hair...
So he's sittin' in the parlor readin' Sean O'Casey once more and suddenly the door to the cot slams open and closed and the Old Woman stomps through to the kitchen without so much as a word. "There's herself," he mutters, and is all set to ignore it when from the rear of the house there arose such a clatter that he put down his pipe to see what was the matter.
"What the hell's wrong with you," he inquires sweetly. "I've niver heard sich a God-awful racket since yer cat backed into the cream separator last Michaelmas."
"Shut up," she explained.
"I'll not shut up, for isn't this me own house? Where have ye been, and what's happened to get ye into such a lather?"
"I've been to the doctor, which ye'd know if ye'd spent a minute on this earth listenin' to me these last fifty years and more."
"Saints preserve us," he cried. "Don't be tellin me it's bad news. And for the love o' the Baby Jesus stop throwin' those pots and pans around, fer I can't hear meself think.What did the doctor say to ye? Is it...is it the big one?"
"If it's any of yer sainted business," she sez, "he told me I had to come back Tuesday and bring him a specimen."
"A specimen of what?," sez he.
"Me very question," sez she. "I've not an idea in the world what he meant, and what will I do now?"
"Why didn't ye ask him, ye old fool?"
"Well...because I don't know him well enough, and he's only a lad after all, and what sort of ninny would I look if I didn't know such a simple thing? And I was embarrassed, and all."
"Well what are ye goin' to do now, aside from destroyin' yer crockery and makin' it impossible for a man to enjoy his leisure in peace?"
"I don't know, and get out of me kitchen," sez she, and commences anew slammin' the cabinet doors and all and all.
"Well," sez he, "we can't live like this for another foive days. I'll tell ye what, why not go down the lane and ask yer old friend Bridgit Murphy for some advice? She's a nurse, isn't she? She'd know."
"Bridgit Murphy," sez she. "Bridgit Murphy. That cow. I've not spoken to that bitch in fifteen years."
"Well, I've noticed ye've not been the best of chums," sez he, "but this can't go on. Swallow yer foolish pride and go ask her, or I'll go and do it meself."
"And ye'd tell the world me secrets? Niver ye will, old man. I'll go and ask, and I'll thank ye to keep yer nose out of me business."
And peace descends for the half of an hour, when the door slams open and she's standin' there breathin' heavy and lookin' fit to spit. Her hair's come undone, and one stockin' is down around an ankle. Her dress is missin' a sleeve, she's got a black eye, and she generally looks like she's been rollin' in the dirt.
"What the hell happened to you?," he cries.
"What happened? What happened, he sez. I'll tell you what happened, ye blockhead. I've been down to see Bridgit Murphy. Which was your idea, I might add."
"I thought ye were goin' to ask her advice, and all."
"And wasn't I? I came to the door, just as meek as a lamb, and told her 'Bridgit, I know we've had our differences this last while, but for the life of me I can't remember why. I've come to say let's let bygones be bygones, and let the love of Christ enter our hearts for one another. And anyway I'd like to ask a favor.' "
" 'Well, what is it?' sez she, just as high and mighty, and I swallowed me sharp tongue and explained about the doctor, and the specimen, and could she tell me what to do. Just as sweet as a May mornin' I was. And do you know,
she told me to piss in a cup!"
" And I told her to shit in her hat, and the fight was on."
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