A Genuine Labor Day Miracle
Posted on September 7, 2020 50 Comments
As I just noted on Twitter:
For reference, the old “top” speed of my DSL was 6Mbps, and mostly operated at between 4 and 5. This was fine when I subscribed in the early part of this century, but has become increasingly untenable in the age of streaming. The new package boasts speeds of “up to 40mbps,” and subsequent speed tests to the one I posted on Twitter see it getting closer to that; the one I just did had the line at 29.7Mbps down as, I guess, the line gets uses to pushing more electrons down the pipe, or whatever. Honestly if I get something in the 25Mpbs range on average I’ll be happy (for now).
Ironically, the way I found out that my provider CenturyLink had finally upgraded DSL service in the area was that I was in the middle of writing a whiny post about how awful my DSL line was, and went to the CenturyLink site to confirm once again that the “high speed” internet they were pushing in my area was capped at 3Mbps (I had gotten my 6Mbps line before CenturyLink bought out Qwest, from whom I had initially gotten the line; I was grandfathered in). When I entered my address, the CenturyLink site told me they could now get me 40Mbps.
Bullshit, I thought. I’m actually going to call their service people and confirm this is bullshit. Because this is how little I trust CenturyLink’s marketing people at this point. So I called and stayed on hold for almost an hour to get them to admit that this was bullshitty bullshit they were foisting on me.
But when I finally got hold of a service representative, not only did she confirm that, indeed, a 40Mbps DSL speed was available to me, but that also if I switched over to it, it would actually be cheaper than my current tops-out-at-6-fucking-Megabits-per-second line. Would I like to switch over?
Reader, I did.
The upgrade was scheduled for Wednesday, but apparently some industrious CenturyLink worker wanted to be paid time-and-a-half on the holiday, because I was informed a little while ago that the upgrade just happened. And now I’m cruising the internet at (runs a speed test again) 38.9Mbps! Calloo! Callay!
Obviously this makes me happy, because now I suddenly have internet speeds that mean there’s a chance I may no longer need to kludge my way to faster speeds for a while. As many of you know, in addition to my (previously) shitty DSL, I also have a mobile phone line that I got expressly to be an internet hotspot. It was faster (usually between 10 and 30Mbps), but it was also data capped at 100GB per month. I originally had it as a backup for when my DSL (frequently) went out, but over time I used it as a second internet connection specifically for my office, so that I wasn’t slowing down the main line for Krissy when she was working from home, or the rest of the family when they were watching something on Netflix. Now, potentially, that second line can go back to being an emergency backup and travel hotspot.
I should be clear that “up to 40Mbps” isn’t a great, or even an actually very good, broadband speed; right now on Twitter people are posting speed tests showing their 250Mbps connections and one person from Germany just smacked down a 1Gbps connection, which is ludicrous. 40Mbps is, however, eight to ten times faster than my previous usual connection, and actually adequate for streaming and downloading things, which the previous connection was emphatically not. I will be delighted to download a video game in a couple of hours instead of having to set it to download overnight over a couple of nights, which is a thing I’ve had to do up to this point. I might be able to participate in a Zoom session and not look like a pixelated mess. I can actually now use the Internet the way it’s currently being used by people — still slower than most, but with enough speed to get it done. That’s progress, here in rural America.
So, anyway: Wheeeee! More internet speed! One less thing to complain about. Don’t worry, I’ll find something else soon enough. And this was one time, at least, where planning to whine about something actually ended up improving the thing I was going to whine about. If only it worked like that all the time.
— JS
The Last Emperox Wins the Dragon Award for Best Science Fiction Novel
Posted on September 6, 2020 25 Comments
And I’m more than a little surprised about it, because the finalist list in the Best Science Fiction Novel category was so absurdly strong. I mean, Margaret Atwood? Martha Wells? Tamsyn Muir? Chuck Wendig? Just as examples? Come on. Embarrassment of riches, there. But, you know. I like trophies. I will take it.
Thank you to everyone who voted for me. And also everyone who voted in general. I’m glad you made the effort. And thank you to Dragon Con! This is clearly the best virtual convention I’ve been to yet.
I’m dedicating this win to everyone who works on and sells my books: I don’t put them out myself, they go through quite a lot of hands to get made. And then more hands come on board to tell you about them, and get them out in the world to you, the readers. I wouldn’t be in the extremely fortunate position I am today — in general, not just winning an award today — without every single person who had a hand producing and selling my work. If you are one of these fabulous people, thank you so very much. This is your award, too. I’m gonna keep the trophy at my house, though.
Here’s the entire list of winners, on Tor.com. Congratulations to each of them as well (including some friends of mine)! It’s a good year for these awards, and I am proud to be in your company.
— JS
Behold, a Poem From My Youth
Posted on September 6, 2020 22 Comments
Someday (hopefully) I will be a famous author, but in the meantime I thought it would be entertaining to show you all a poem I wrote when I was sixteen, because someday these will be lost relics of my youth! Before you read it, just know it’s not actually about anyone or anything I experienced first hand at the age of sixteen. Also, at the time I wrote this I was under the impression all poems I wrote had to rhyme. Seems kind of silly now but I still kind of prefer rhyming poems.
And finally, I’m not sharing this because I think it’s good. I know it’s pretty bad, but I wanted to share it anyways because I think it’s important to look at how you used to write, and compare it to how you write now. It’s important to look at the past and be like, hey this isn’t really that good, but at least I know I’ve improved since then!
Anyway, without further ado, here’s the poem:
God, I can’t take this pain,
What do I even have to gain?
I can’t see through your lies,
From the tears blurring my eyes.
I’m sick of all this hurting inside,
And think of all the times I’ve cried.
You say you love me more than anything,
And want to give me a diamond ring.
But I don’t think I can take it anymore,
My heart is just too broken and sore.
All those nights I would’ve rather died,
All those times I’ve sadly sighed.
But, god, I love you, I love you, my dear,
But darling, love, I have this fear.
One day you’ll leave me for someone new,
And then, oh god, what would I do?
There’s a difference between forgiving and forgetting,
And you’ll mess up again, I’m betting.
Do what you want, though, I can deal,
I’ll just have to ignore what I feel.
You can lie and cheat and break my heart,
But I still don’t want to be apart.
Your words burn like fire against my skin,
But when I see you I always grin.
Darling, I love you, I just want you to know,
So please, my love, don’t let me go.
-AMS
This Morning’s Moon, 9/5/20
Posted on September 5, 2020 19 Comments
What it looked like from Ohio this morning. Maybe it’s the science fiction author in me talking, but one day I think people will live there, not just on a base but on a permanent basis. And as wild as that (still) is, for them, it will just be… life. That’s the interesting part to me.
Hope you are all enjoying your Labor Day weekend so far.
— JS
Here Is Quite Possibly the Coolest AMV You Will Ever See
Posted on September 4, 2020 43 Comments
To start off with, for those of you who don’t know, an AMV is an animated music video. Basically, you take art or clips from animated shows or anime, and put it to music. I used to watch a lot of AMVs when I was a teenager, and over the years of watching them I realized that making a good one is extremely difficult. Most are pretty alright, but to make a truly good one is an art. The amount of editing and time it takes is astounding, so putting together something like that is a real talent.
Today I’m going to share with you the best AMV I’ve ever seen, and it’s actually of an anime I’ve never seen, Neon Genesis: Evangelion. Because I’ve never seen the anime, I really have no idea what’s going on in the video, but DAMN is it cool. The visuals? Stunning. The editing? Flawless. The music choice? Incredible. This is a work of art. It’s honestly kind of mesmerizing. I recommend watching it on a bigger screen, like if your TV has YouTube or even a computer, but it’ll look cool even if it’s just on your phone. And definitely watch it in 1080 if you can! Oh, and fair warning, it’s a smidge gory.
I’ve seen some pretty good AMVs in my day but this one really takes the cake. If you know of any good ones feel free to mention them in the comments! And have a great day!
-AMS
The Big Idea: Simon Stephenson
Posted on September 3, 2020 16 Comments
Not too long ago, Simon Stephenson had a chance encounter that rocked him to his core and made him question some of his long-held assumptions. No, it’s (probably) not what you think. But it was an event that set him on the path to his novel, Set My Heart to Five. Are you prepared to learn of this fateful event? Spoiler: It involves dental hygiene!
SIMON STEPHENSON:
A few years ago, I spent a night in a chain hotel after a long series of international flights. I arrived after midnight, took a shower and an Ambien, and then discovered that I had forgotten my toothpaste. I called down to reception and ten minutes later, the doorbell on my room rang. I threw on my robe, grabbed a few dollars for a tip, and opened the door to reveal the creature that had perma-stalked my childhood nightmares: a Dalek.
For a moment, my Dalek and I stood in silent contemplation of each other. I had outrun them for decades but now Davros’ mechanical foot soldiers had caught me: alone, tired, drugged, be-robed and with no real weapons to defend myself except a Gideon bible and that thing they leave in hotel rooms that has something to do with shoes. Too late, I now understood that this had been my inevitable destiny all along: maybe you can escape the small screen Daleks by hiding behind the couch, and outwit them in real life by climbing stairs, but they have possessed advanced time-travel technology since at least the Last Great Time War and so were always going to catch up with me at some point. I sighed, and prepared myself for extermination.
But no death ray emanated. Instead, the Dalek’s head popped open to reveal not a furious irradiated mutant but a small tube of toothpaste. The Dalek beeped insistently until I removed the toothpaste; as soon as I did this, his head closed back up, and he turned and trundled back down the corridor. Not only had my nemesis not exterminated me, he had not even given me a chance to tip him.
Like an infuriating protagonist in a bad horror movie, I set off in pursuit of the danger. At the lift hall, I witnessed my Dalek do something that will no doubt strike fear in the hearts of Time Lords everywhere: he wirelessly summoned the elevator. I took a deep breath then followed him in, and together we began our uneasy descent.
You know the oppressive silent awkwardness you feel when alone in an elevator with a stranger? It is infinitely worse when that stranger happens to be a Dalek. At the seventh floor, an unsuspecting family joined us. The parents were happily oblivious to the killer in our midst, but the wide-eyed kids visibly understood our peril. The brother whispered something in a language I did not understand, but his sister’s reply contained a universal word: ‘Dalek.’
‘It’s okay,’ I reassured them, ‘I think this one is actually a good Dalek.’
The family all stared at me, and even the parents now seemed horrified. Perhaps they knew there was no such thing as a good Dalek, maybe they had not understood me, or perhaps a forty-year old man in a robe simply has no business talking to other people’s children in a hotel elevator after midnight. The oppressive silent awkwardness only worsened.
When the doors finally opened to the lobby, the family hurried out and my Dalek trundled across the floor to take up post by the desk. I followed him and stared at him until the night clerk asked if there was something he could help me with? I looked down at my robe, at the toothpaste in one hand, and the few dollars in the other, and tried desperately to make sense of it all. I could not. I placed the dollars on the desk, and headed back upstairs to my uneasy dreams.
When I woke the next morning, I assumed I had imagined the Dalek at my door. It would not be the first time Ambien and jet lag had conspired to blur the boundaries of reality for me, but as I checked out, I saw he was still stood at attention beside the desk. Perhaps he was not exactly a Dalek – there was no manipulator arm or death ray – but he was nonetheless a chest-high cylindrical robot, so it had been an easy mistake to make.
*****
As humans, we are inherently suspicious of the future. No doubt there is an evolutionary advantage in this wariness, because while we can protect ourselves in the known present, who knows what dangers the coming seasons may bring? Perhaps this is part of the reason we love to read about dystopias. They reassure us we are indeed correct to worry, and help us plan for the worst: what will we do when the fascists seize power, when the extra-terrestrials invade, when procreation fails?
Increasingly, though, we seem to worry more about technology than almost anything else, the genocidal AI having replaced the witch and the vampire as the designated bogeyman of our times. And, of course, we indulge in these worries while each day alternatively ignoring and feeding the infinitely more murderous elephant in the room, the climate emergency.
And so, this is my big idea: what if the robots don’t want to exterminate us, but simply bring us our toothbrushes? And what if in turn, we humans – with our suspicion, our aggression, our beloved right to bear our death-rays and our merciless late-capitalism – are the real Daleks? That plucky little room service robot only wanted to help me clean my teeth and asked for nothing in return. I repaid his noble efforts with fear, suspicion, stereotyping and – to add insult to injury – by going down to the lobby myself anyway.
Over the next weeks and months, my little misunderstood room service robot stayed with me. I began to think about an android that was the best of us – kind, optimistic, joyful, innocent – attempting to make his way in a world that was the worst of us. Not the dystopian worst, but a more everyday kind of worst: a mildly self-centered, petty, careless and casually-prejudiced worst. A world where humans have locked themselves out of the internet by forgetting the names of their favorite teaches and first pets, where Elon Musk has blown up the moon, and yet the villains of every blockbuster movie are nonetheless genocidal robots. A world where we have androids, but make them do our worst jobs and incinerate them at the first hint of them developing anything resembling feelings.
That is the world of Set My Heart To Five, and the story is narrated by an android called Jared. Oh, and Jared’s programmed job? Well, he is a dentist, of course.
—-
Set My Heart to Five: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Indiebound|Bookshop
Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s website. Follow him on Twitter.
A Quick Note on the Malleting of Comments
Posted on September 2, 2020 52 Comments
Folks:
I’ve recently begun to see an upswing in comments which begin with some variation of “I expect this comment to be deleted/malleted/otherwise expunged, but…” I think this is done for two reasons. About five percent of the time it’s someone genuinely not knowing whether what they’re about to write is going to cross the line with regard to my moderation policies. The rest of the time it’s a warding spell and/or pre-emptive smugness at transgression; either “not in the face!” or “see, I told you.”
Either way I find it passive-aggressive and annoying, so here’s a new guideline I’ve begun implementing: When I see some variation of “I expect this comment to get the Mallet,” I’m going to stop reading the comment there, and will most likely then Mallet the comment — not necessarily because the comment was in itself mallet-worthy (although it might have been, who knows), but simply because I’m a people-pleaser and don’t want to disappoint the person making the comment.
This is a policy in line with my policy for people who start comments with “This is off-topic, but…” in which I also stop reading and then just delete the comment, because the site policy asks people not to post off-topic comments in threads, too.
Basically, if you acknowledge that you are likely about to act in a manner contrary to the rules of discourse on this site, and then go and do it anyway, you probably deserve to be malleted, and you need to think about why it is you believe the rules are different for you. Also, and related, if you are using these phrases as warding spells or reverse psychology, you haven’t really paid attention to how I run this site.
But what if I genuinely believe my post might transgress? Well, you have two options: Either revisit your desire to post the comment and reflect what it is about you that is making you post a comment you strongly suspect I will not allow to stay up on the site, or, alternately, just post the damn thing, and I will decide whether it stays or goes, and either way you will have learned something.
I do understand some of you really do come from a place of being concerned that you’re about to be a problem. While I appreciate you putting your concern up front, please understand that the cautionary phrasing you’re using is often co-opted by people trying to psyche me out into letting their terrible comment stay. So honestly, just post your comment without preamble. If you go over the line I’ll let you know. It’s not really that big of a deal.
Also: resist the temptation in the comment thread of this entry to put snarky “I BET YOU WILL MALLET THIS” or “Off topic but –” comments. I am on to you, people.
Great chat everyone! Now let’s go out and have some fun!
— JS
Your Unabashed Support of Trump Will Embarrass Your Bloodline for Generations
Posted on September 2, 2020 120 Comments
Where I live, Trump flags and signs are extremely common, to the point where it’s almost weird to see a Biden sign. The other day, however, I saw a new kind of Trump flag I’ve never seen before, but I saw two in the same day and thought it was so incredibly bizarre I just had to share.
Here’s that flag, which you can buy for $50:
And it really got me thinking about how wildly fanatic some people are, which we’ve known for a while now, but I mean it really is wild how people just casually fly flags or have merch like this for a presidential candidate. Yes, I know about yard signs and bumper stickers and t-shirts. But there is the usual level of partisan cheerleading, and then there’s this. What a truly bizarre thing to do, in my opinion.
Anyways, it also led me to think about how years from now, maybe twenty, fifty, even a hundred years in the future, people will look back at photos of crowds of people wearing MAGA hats and the pictures of people flying Trump 2020 flags, and regard them with the same embarrassment and disdain we feel for segregationists when we look back at the 1960s, or the way we feel about flat Earthers. People in my generation talk about how horrified they are to think their grandpappy was in the KKK; it’s something you don’t bring up because it’s shameful, and I’m sure that’s how people will view Trump supporters in the future.
Not that they don’t do it now, obviously. There are plenty of people who are disappointed and angry with their own family members for voting for Trump, or people who disagree with their grandparents’ outdated views. However, there is also a truly unbelievable amount of people my age and even younger that fully support Trump in this unabashed way that we usually only think Boomers are capable of.
Those are the people I’m talking about whose grandkids will look at them with embarrassment. I’m not talking about the people my age who already see their grandparents that way, but the generations to come, the kids that don’t exist yet that will look back into our window of history and think, “How did this happen? Who supported this monster? How was this possible?” We look back at the 1960s and think, “Who the hell was against MLK? Who could’ve possibly been against equal rights?” And yet, we see rampant anti-BLM people every single day.
I’m sure that some day in the near future, those goddamn red baseball hats will be viewed the same way we view Klansman hoods, and the Iron Cross. Supporting Trump today is embarrassing, but it will continue to be a stain on your bloodline for years to come.
Anyways, remember to vote! And have a great day!
-AMS
My 2020 (Virtual) Dragon Con Schedule
Posted on September 2, 2020 5 Comments
This was the year I was meant to be the literary Guest of Honor at Dragon Con in Atlanta, but then the plague happened, so this weekend I will be at home. But! I will also be at Dragon Con! As literary Guest of Honor! Because it like every other convention has gone virtual this year, and I have done programming for it (along with hundreds of other writers, creators and celebrities) so you will have something fun to do with your Labor Day weekend. And yes, it is free to attend!
What’s on my schedule? In chronological order:, and all times Eastern:
Friday, 3:15am (yes, that’s am): DJ Scalzi! Yes, I’m DJing two hours of dance music in the deepest, deadest part of night! I’ve got an animated disco ball Zoom background and everything. Music includes big ol’ dance hits from the 70s, 80s, 90s and 21st century. If you’re up, come on over and get moving.
Saturday, 1pm: John Scalzi – Tour of an Author’s Life (and Kitchen): I’m interviewed by Brian Richardson about my life and career, in three locations in my house: My office, my basement music nook, and also my kitchen, where, yes, burritos are made. Be prepared for tortilla-wrapped greatness. This will also be rebroadcast at 5:30am Sunday.
Monday, 9am: Award Winning and Best-Selling Authors: I’m on a panel with Jody Lynn Nye, Bill Fawcett, Tamsin Silver and Robert J. Sawyer and we talk about, not surprisingly, awards and selling books.
Also: my book The Last Emperox is a finalist for the Dragon Award in the category of Best Science Fiction Novel. If you would like to vote for it, or indeed any other of the very fine finalists in that category and any other, go here and sign up to do so. You can do that through September 4.
Here’s the entire Dragon Con 2020 schedule (pdf link). And to see the events, head over to the Dragon Con site.
See you there this weekend!
— JS
The Big Idea: Tim Akers
Posted on September 2, 2020 10 Comments
There’s the book you’re meant to write, and then there’s the book you write because it just seems like it would be more fun. Guess which book Knight Watch is! Author Tim Akers is here to explain how it came to be.
TIM AKERS:
Knight Watch wasn’t the book I was supposed to be writing. I had just finished a massive epic fantasy trilogy and the expectation was that I would continue with something in line with that. Brand identity, and all that nonsense. So I produced a pitch document for my agent, and he passed it around the office, and after a little discussion we agreed on a slightly less massive and yet still epic fantasy novel that I had been kicking around in my drafts folder for the last four years.
That book is still in drafts. Someday I’ll finish it. Honest. Just not… today. Because about halfway through the first draft, Knight Watch fell into my head. Not fully formed, and certainly not in the form that will appear in bookstores today, but the beautiful, glimmering core of the novel just appeared in my head at four in the morning. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about it and when my wife finally woke up (seriously, woman, I have a book to tell you about, WAKE UP) I spilled the whole thing to her and she said “That sounds nice” and then rolled over and went back to sleep. And with this bold endorsement of my genius, I started to secretly write the book.
So what was that brilliant idea? Well, basically, it’s Men in Black but at the Ren Faire. That wasn’t how I thought of it at first, but people kept asking me about the book and I would produce all these complicated explanations and their eyes would glaze over, so I came up with the purest form of the idea. You’ve seen Men in Black? Yes? Well, that, but at the Ren Faire. Result.
As for the complicated explanation? We all have things that make us incredibly happy. For me, that’s some combination of my time in college when my friends and I made our own version of the Society for Creative Anachronism, late nights spent playing D&D (where I met my wife), and memories of my father reading PG Wodehouse to me when I was a child. So I threw all those things into a book. In a lot of ways, this book is the closest expression of my inner life I can imagine. It has knights, snark, Crossfit worshipping dragons, a bookstore in a mall (which might be stretching a reader’s willingness to suspend disbelief), a secret society that takes its brand identity very seriously, a fantasy novelist who works entirely in adjectives and detailed maps, and precisely one million dogs. What could be better?
The real trick in writing this book was that I didn’t want bad things to happen. Every time I got to a new section I would think “Well, if I was reading this, what would I want to happen here?” That’s how we got one million dogs. That’s how I ended up with a character whose best friend is a cartoon dragon in the real world, but in the Unreal world it becomes a violent, psychopathic dragon who tries to burn his castle down at every opportunity. And as any good writer will tell you, that’s a terrible way to write a book. There needs to be tension, and setbacks, and revelations that change the direction of the narrative, and… look, I’m not going to walk you through Syd Field’s Paradigm. The point is that bad things have to happen to people the reader likes, and when the writer is the Prime Reader, that kind of sucks. But you don’t get into the business of being a writer to be happy, you fool.
Or maybe you do. Because there was something about writing this book that was such a relief. It wasn’t the book I was supposed to write, but it was the book I had to write. It was the book I wanted to write more than anything, and the process of creating the world, meeting the characters… heck, just the act of writing it has been one of the most fun experiences in my *mumblemumble* long writing career. And maybe that was the real quest reward all along.
—-
Knight Watch: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Indiebound|Powell’s|Anderson Books
Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s site. Follow him on Twitter.
Occasional Reminder: Don’t Send Me Story and/or Collaboration Ideas
Posted on September 1, 2020 49 Comments
I’m getting an uptick of these recently, and apparently people don’t read the policy I have linked on every page of this site, so:
Hey, you have a great idea that you think I would be awesome if I wrote, either something new or as part of an existing series I write, and you want to tell me about it in detail? Or — perhaps — even collaborate with me on?
Congrats! And also, I don’t ever want to see it or hear it or read it, and if you send it to me, I will delete it the instant I’m on to you (which is usually in the header to your email) and I will probably permanently put your email into my spam block so I never see any notes from you ever again.
Why don’t I want you to send me your ideas?
One, I am literally booked for the next decade. Remember that big ass contract of mine? It still has nine books on it! I’m sort of obliged to do those. I don’t need to add anything else to my plate.
Two, if I do decide to add anything else onto my plate, it will be from my own proverbial storeroom of ideas. I have more ideas than I will ever have time to write in this life, and I keep coming up with new ones all on my own, all the time. I genuinely do not need yours.
Three, legal reasons. I could go into detail here, but I won’t. “Legal reasons” should be sufficient for any of you.
Why don’t I want to collaborate with you? See above.
Also, if I ever want collaborative partners, I will ask for them. If you don’t see me actively and unambiguously asking, please don’t volunteer. Also, to be clear, the chance that I will ask for a writing collaborator in an open cattle call rather than contacting that person directly or in some specific professional milieu is pretty damn slim.
But I have a million dollar idea! That’s awesome, and also, unless you’re bringing that million dollars with you as an opening bid on my writing services, I don’t want to hear it. Write it yourself and make that million with it! I believe in you!
Is there any way to get me to listen to your idea or offer of collaboration? Sure: If you’re part of a legitimate publishing or production entity with verifiable and successful credits to your corporate name, and you’re looking to engage my professional services, then you can contact my literary agent or film/TV manager and query them with regard to my potential interest and availability (this is covered here, because of course it is, I’ve been doing this for decades now so obviously I would have an established process). Other than that? Nope!
As an aside, I really do get exasperated when people don’t read the various policies that I have on the site, which, again, are linked to on literally every single page of the site as it’s currently constructed. I have made the titles unambiguous! The policies have been around for years! I am very clear in the policies! And yet, people don’t read (or assume that they will be different). And yes, sure, people don’t always come to the Web site (although they should), but, here’s the thing — I get most of these solicitations through email. Where is the easiest place on the whole Internet to find my email? Why, it’s here on the site (thanks to a link on every single page on the site). I feel reasonably certain that most of the folks soliciting me have been here. They should have seen the policies, and then followed them.
(That said, as I’m posting this I’m simultaneously updating the contact page to note to people not to send me ideas or offer to collaborate, because clearly we’ve come to that point.)
In any event. Don’t send me story ideas or offers to collaborate. They make me cranky. Thank you in advance for your co-operation.
— JS
The Big Idea: Alice James
Posted on September 1, 2020 1 Comment
How can someone without a heartbeat find true love? Take a walk between life and death with author Alice James’ latest novel, Grave Secrets, and find out what zombies have that living men just don’t.
ALICE JAMES:
What’s in the brain of a brain eater?
Why on earth did I write Grave Secrets? I had been focusing on my children’s fiction, my financial writing, my magazine work… The bills were getting paid. I had finally landed a gig as a travel writer. The trouble was that these milestones might look all very well on a CV – but I just have this thing about zombies.
It’s hard to express, even though expressing myself is the thing I’m meant to be good at, but let me try. I’m the one who moved into a chapel with gravestones in the garden. I’m the person who’s filled it with skulls – ceramic, glass, real – scattered where most people put seashells and vases. (I’m also the ex-Goth with the spider obsession and all the Sisters of Mercy posters who is still kind of wondering when Andrew Eldritch will ask me out, but that’s a tale for another day.) I feel this odd draw to the dead. In a graveyard, I feel moved by the stones and what lies beneath them. Their occupants feel bewilderingly real to me, close, almost tangibly so.
I wonder where it came from? I see it at work on my library shelves. Nothing makes a book more enthralling to me than the feeling that the casual darkness of the world that we see hides an even darker otherness, and that if you tug aside the fragile veil of reality, the numinousness of that unfathomable realm will begin to ooze inside…
And nothing achieves that better than a healthy – or unhealthy – dose of the undead.
It’s the idea that shuffling off this mortal coil could maybe have a reverse gear that does it for me. You know, the concept that the final curtain could be raised again for an uncanny encore that’s neither truly alive nor dead. That’s the core of the underlying horror in Dracula – that if you try to cheat death, you are cheated in return. You get back this amoral creature who can only survive by draining the living to sustain what should be resting peacefully six feet under.
The thing is that vampires have been slightly sanitized since Bram Stoker penned his masterpiece. They are sexy, cool, sparkling (wasn’t me!) and wear a lot of black leather. Now, there’s nothing wrong with vampires in black leather (James Marsters in his duster coat is high on my inappropriate fantasy list, as is Alyson Hannigan in That Corset Scene). But – with the exception of the exceptional Rob Thomas – no one’s got round to rehabilitating zombies very much.
And that’s what I wanted to do; I wanted to write from the perspective of the zombie. I wanted to explore what it might be like to leave death behind and be raised from your grave, hungry for brainzzz and wondering why you aren’t in a comfy coffin any longer. But to do that, your zombie apocalypse can’t be truly mindless. They must have an inner monologue with a broader vocabulary than: “Grr. Argh.” So I created Bredon, the most courteous, loyal and charmingly attired famished revenant ever to be summoned to a graveyard near you. I was going to write (wait for it) a short story about zombies.
I know, but that’s all that I planned. It was going to take a week. I had it all mapped out. There was a short story competition I had been eyeing up and it would be just the thing. But the words kept coming, the narrative was flowing, the short story deadline passed unnoticed, the heads were getting ripped off, Toni was falling in love, the shambling hoards were marching across my screen… So I just kept writing.
I mean, I had to! No man is an island, be he dead or alive, so I had to populate an entire landscape for my reanimated corpse to stride across. There needed to be plot – a whodunit and a romance as it turned out – and some metaphysics about what goes on when the souls of the living hang around rather longer than their use-by date. As it turned out, there also had to be some shagging scenes, because my attention span is short. But most importantly of all, let’s not forget that this is a book about zombies. And I know the rules…so there had to be a fair amount of gore. I won’t add spoilers by counting up how many heads get ripped off, or hearts torn out, but rest assured there are plenty. I mean, we might be into double figures, and the book is only three hundred pages long.
So there we are, the big idea. And it kind of worked. I love the book even though I never planned to write a book. I love the romance, even though I really never intended to write chick lit. I adore the cosy crime plot twists despite them sneaking in almost unbidden because they just worked out like that. And I treasure my zombie, the one element of the story that was always going to be written. I’m also stoked that it’s been published, because that was never, ever in the plan, even the director’s extended cut.
I didn’t answer my own question, though, as to why I am so beguiled by the undead. But I have a lot of sequels to work on, so maybe I will work that one out too.
—-
GRAVE SECRETS: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Indiebound
Visit the author’s site. Follow her on Twitter.
My Brain Is Empty So Here’s Some Flower Pictures
Posted on August 31, 2020 26 Comments
Howdy! I hope everyone had a nice weekend, and if you didn’t, I hope the next one is better. I don’t really have a lot going on in my head right now, so I thought I’d share some photos of mine for those of you who don’t have Instagram or don’t follow me (which, no hard feelings if you don’t). So here’s just a couple I think are pretty!
I took this at Stillwater Preserve, down the road from my house.
This one is actually over a year old! I took this at Cedar Point when I went with my friend last summer. Kind of funny I went to Cedar Point and the only picture I took was of leaves…
And here is the Atlantic Ocean! More specifically, Topsail Island in North Carolina.
I took this one over a year ago as well, while on a walk with my friend in the woods outside of Oxford.
It had just stopped raining when I took this one. I think raindrops on flower petals is just one of the most beautiful sights to behold.
Well anyways there’s your daily dose of nature pictures, if you hadn’t already gotten it today! Have a great day!
-AMS
Hey, Remember How I Pester You All About Voting? Guess What! I’m Doing It Again!
Posted on August 31, 2020 60 Comments
Oh, hello there! It’s the last day of August — I know, it only feels like a year since August first — and after this it’s two months and three days until Election Day here in the United States. Here’s what we know about that:
* The president and the GOP would be very happy for most of us not to vote.
* The president and the GOP are going out of their way to make it difficult for many of us to vote, especially by mail.
* If the election doesn’t go their way, the president and the GOP will make every effort to say that the vote they went out of their way to make difficult is somehow tainted.
Commensurately, to mitigate the points above, the following things need to happen:
1. If you’re a fully-enfranchised adult US citizen, you must register to vote, and if you are registered, you must check the current state of your registration to make sure you have not been purged from the voter rolls. Then you must encourage every other fully enfranchised adult US citizen you know to do the same thing. Do it today; registration deadlines are coming very soon.
2. You must have a plan to vote. Personally I recommend finding out if and when early voting is available in your state, and then showing up physically to vote early. Alternately, if you vote by mail, request your ballot today (or as early as possible), fill it out the day you receive it, and either deliver it physically to your local board of elections or mail it as soon as you have filled it out. Double-check it, sign it, make sure you use sufficient postage, and if your state has it, track the status of your ballot so you know it’s been received.
If you intend to vote on Election Day itself, look today to locate your polling place, know how to get there and how you will get there. Ask for help from friends, family or neighbors if you need it. If your state requires identification, know what ID is required, and if you don’t have it, use these two months and three days to acquire it. Again, ask for help if you need it. If you can, take the day off to vote; this year of all years you might have some vacation time you haven’t used (if you can’t take the day off, then see above, about voting early). Have a plan to stay in line for as long as it takes. If you are in line, you are allowed to vote.
The president and the GOP are hoping very much that you don’t have a plan to vote. It makes their job of keeping you from voting that much easier. So, today, make your plan to vote. Vote early if you can, but however you vote, make that plan and keep to that plan.
3. If you can vote, this year you must vote. You have two months and three days to learn about the candidates — local, state and federal — and the issues on the ballots. More than enough time to get informed and make informed choices and do your part for the country. This is not a year to sit out or to pretend that it doesn’t matter who you vote for. It matters. You must vote. Everyone you know who can vote must vote. All the people you don’t know who can vote must vote.
If we are all registered to vote, all have a plan to vote, and all vote, the harder it will be for anyone to (credibly) assert the election was not legitimate. It’s simple as that.
So: Are you registered to vote? Have you checked your registration? Do you have a plan to vote? And will you vote on or by November 3, 2020?
If the answer to any of the above is “no,” you have two months and three days to fix that.
Get to it.
— JS
My Top Five Love Death + Robots Episodes
Posted on August 29, 2020 22 Comments
Love Death + Robots came out eighteen months ago on Netflix, so if you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it. If you don’t know, it’s an eighteen episode anthology of science fiction and fantasy animated shorts. I was so excited for it that I watched it the night it came out, and have seen it several times since. Right away, I developed favorites, and those were the ones I rewatched the most. After it came out, I saw a bunch of people make lists ranking all eighteen of them in order of best to worst, but I figure I’d just tell you guys my top five for now. Slight spoilers ahead!
First up is Sonnie’s Edge. Not only is it the first episode on the list on Netflix, but it’s first in my ranking. In my opinion, they started off the anthology right with this one. It knocks your socks off right from the beginning, from the amazing visuals and insanely realistic art style, to the truly intriguing soundtrack, you’ll be entranced right from the get-go. I adore this one for so many reasons, interesting characters, pleasant on the eyes, and of course, the super cool monster fight scene. And that ending! Killer. I also like that it’s British for some reason.
Next on my list is The Secret War. Unlike Sonnie’s Edge, this one is actually the last one on the list of the eighteen. Though it is last, it is certainly not least. This one is horrifying, gory, full of cool fight scenes, and tells a super interesting story. The animation is superb too! That’s something that many of the episodes have in common, though.
Third on my list is Sucker of Souls. This one is spooky, fun, hilarious, and I love the drawing style! It has an interesting lore and I enjoy the characters. And I like the ending because it shows not everything has a happy ending, which I appreciate. This one feels like it takes itself less seriously than the others.
Next up is Beyond the Aquila Rift. I like this one a lot because of the mystery aspect of it, where something is off the whole time but you’re not sure what, and then you get that big shock at the end. It’s pretty quality. And why does everyone think that Greta (or whatever that alien thing pretending to be Greta is) is a bad guy?! Obviously it’s a kind creature trying to give the people that ended up there peace of mind in their final days before death. Why does everyone think it’s a monster?
Finally, one that’s a bit different from the rest and one I have never seen widely liked that much, Blindspot. I love this one for the wild bunch of characters, the fun style of animation, and the adorable main character newbie that you can’t help but root for. A cyborg heist gang? Who doesn’t love that? This one doesn’t get enough credit in my opinion!
Honorable mentions! Though these two aren’t in my top five, I thoroughly enjoy Good Hunting and Shape Shifters. In fact, there’s really only a couple of them that I don’t like, otherwise mostly of them are really great!
Oh, additionally, I decided not to put any of my father’s on this list, just because I don’t want to seem biased, not because I don’t like his.
Tell me about your favorites in the comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts, and I hope you have a great day!
-AMS
Movie Review: Bill & Ted Face the Music
Posted on August 29, 2020 40 Comments
I enjoyed Bill & Ted Face the Music quite a bit, which is utterly unsurprising as I am both Gen-X, i.e., the generation of Bill and/or Ted, and also I used to live in San Dimas, home of Bill and Ted and the town in which almost all of this film takes place (fictionally; it doesn’t look like they did a whole lot of filming in actual San Dimas this time around). Also I am the fan of the first two films, particularly Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, the first film in history to successfully reference both Ingmar Bergman and the glam band Poison. What was surprising to me was that I teared up a bit at the end of this one. I know why, and I’ll tell you in a bit.
But first let me talk a little bit about why the Bill & Ted films, including this one, work at all. It’s because, despite their silliness and Gen-X’s general reputation for being deeply saturated in irony, Bill and Ted are genuinely and guilelessly sincere. They’re happy when they’re happy, sad when they’re sad, they like who and what they like, and when they’re called upon to save the world, they square up their shoulders and get to it even when they’re aware that it’s improbable, and possibly irresponsible on the part of the universe, that they are the ones called upon to do it.
They’re holy fools, basically, second cousins to Chance the Gardener and Forrest Gump. They have to be; if they were any more self-aware than they are, these slender and conceptually fragile films wouldn’t fly. Bill and Ted would be too full of doubt and self-recrimination, especially by the time of the third film, when they have been trying to save the world through music for two and a half decades, and consistently failing. If they were more reflective, they wouldn’t still be at it. They’d be co-owners of a Pretzels & Cheese franchise since 2002.
Indeed, when the third film starts, Ted “Theodore” Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter), are as close to self-reflection as they have ever gotten; their moment as the hottest band in the world is long gone, their careers are over, and their marriages and personal relationships are precarious because they still keep trying to plug away at uniting the world through song, even when their songs are, well, discordant. After a disastrous wedding gig, the two of them are seriously considering packing it in.
Then of course someone arrives from the future, with a new mission for them: Put together the song that unites the world, or the universe collapses. Oh, and they have seventy seven minutes to do it. Go. Off they go in their physics-bending phone booth.
The story wrinkle this time: They’re not the only ones crossing the time streams. Their kids, Thea and Billi (Samara Weaving and Brigette Lundy-Paine), who appear as sweetly aimless and musically obsessed as their fathers, get hold of their own temporal conveyance to put together a most excellent backing band for their dads, so that when they show up with a song, there will be people to play it. Things go awry, as they do, which occasions a family reunion in Hell, as one does, on the way to an entirely unsurprising and yet emotionally satisfying climax.
Bill and Ted are not enormously self-aware, but the film is and its screenwriters (Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon) are, and one of the most important things they are aware of is that times do change, and time does change us. Holy fools though they are, Bill and Ted do some learning over the course of the film, in a way that allows them to grow up while still keeping to the core of who they are. I figured out a particular plot twist in the film early on, so for me the question was how Bill and Ted would both earn that twist and respond to it. I was pretty happy with the outcome.
And with the film. The film is, bluntly and baldy, optimistic at its core, which feel likes a radical thing here at the end of August in 2020. The idea that there could be one song that brings the whole world together is nothing but a wish, but when the film makes a run at it, it feels like a good wish, and it feels good that people who are decent and kind, as Bill and Ted, and Thea and Billie, and indeed the entire Preston Logan clan are, stand up to be the ones to take that run at it.
Kindness, decency, optimism and guilelessness: That’s why I teared up a bit at Bill & Ted Face the Music. Which was not what I was expecting to do. But I was fine with it when it happened. Turns out I needed it, and a little bit of Bill and Ted, right about now.
— JS
New Books and ARCs, 8/28/20
Posted on August 28, 2020 13 Comments
We’re rounding into the home stretch for August, and here are the new books and ARCs we’re talking along with us as we go. See anything here you’d like to bring into September with you? Share in the comments!
The Public Domain Will Not Make You Popular
Posted on August 28, 2020 94 Comments
Here’s an interesting assertion from the folks at SFFAudio, offered as part of a longer thread which I’ll not link directly to here, mostly because I want to focus on this particular point, but which you may find on their Twitter feed:
The reason HEINLEIN isn’t read more today is because almost all his stuff is still under copyright and being controlled by a trust that seems mostly uninterested in having HEINLEIN actually read
Drop it into the PUBLIC DOMAIN and u’d see interest fly sky high
That is a SURE BET
That is a set of intriguing assertions that I don’t think I agree with at all!
So, let’s unpack this a bit.
To begin, Heinlein isn’t in any danger of not being read; in particular his power trio of Starship Troopers, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and Stranger in a Strange Land chug along just fine, and will likely continue to do so for a nice long while. There’s a dropoff after that, but, so what? If you want your entire bibliography to be equally popular and acclaimed, write one book. Three Heinlein books keep selling well 32 years after his death and more than five decades after their initial publication; none of his books, so far as I know, is actually out of print. That’s a neat trick for an author.
What is true is that Heinlein is probably less generally relevant to newer science fiction readers and writers than he was to new SF readers and writers in earlier eras. I have essayed this at length before and therefore won’t go into it again now. I will say, however, that Heinlein’s work and the work of many of his contemporaries are at an awkward age: enough decades after publication that the underlying cultural assumptions of the work and the author are no longer consonant with contemporary times, but not enough decades out that the work can comfortably be considered a “period piece,” which means that consonance is no longer expected.
In other words: a lot of “Golden Age of Science Fiction” work currently lies in a sort of cultural uncanny valley, existing in a simultaneous state of being too distant from contemporary readers, and also not nearly distant enough. That’s not Heinlein’s fault, precisely; it’s a matter of time and culture. It’s going to happen to most creative work — well, most work that’s remembered at all.
(This literary uncanny valley is something I think about a lot and it’s something I want to write about at more length; I’ll get to it eventually. For now, just know I think it’s a thing, and that Heinlein and most of his Golden Age contemporaries are currently in it.)
Moving on to the issue of the Heinlein Prize Trust, which administers the Heinlein copyrights, snark aside, I strongly suspect that it is in fact very interested in having Heinlein read, inasmuch as the income from that helps to fuel the trust’s other interests. This is why among other things 2020 saw the publication of The Pursuit of the Pankera, a (mostly) new novel from him. One could argue whether the trust is being as effective as it could be in spreading the gospel of Heinlein to newer generations, and perhaps this is what the SFFAudio folks were getting at. But I don’t think the trust can be faulted for not making an effort to keep Heinlein relevant and in the public eye.
With all the above said, the assertion I find the most interesting is the “release Heinlein into the public domain and interest will explode” one. I am, shall we say, deeply skeptical of that assertion.
That skepticism is neither here nor there regarding how I personally feel about the concept of the public domain, which I support and believe to be an unmitigated public good. Moreover I think the current length of the term of copyright (life plus 70 years) is a bit much; my great-grandchildren do not need to be picking on the bones of my estate. The public domain! It’s good!
It’s also not a panacea for attention. Very few creators exist in the public domain with more fame and notability, or notoriety, than they had before their works entered it (or in the cases of the eras in which copyright was a much wilder field than it is now, while they were at least alive and still producing). Yes, occasionally a few — Emily Dickinson, please come forward to take your bow — but for every creator you could think to name, there are thousands, possibly tens of thousands, for whom the public domain has offered nothing but continued obscurity.
Heinlein would not likely suffer from public domain obscurity; he was arguably the most famous science fiction writer of his age, or at the very least on an elevated tier which also held Asimov, Clarke and Bradbury. But even in a world where Heinlein’s entire bibliography dropped into the public domain overnight, you would probably not see a massive upswing in interest for his work. You’d see some initially, I’m sure; an author of Heinlein’s stature (generally, and particularly among nerds) would cause a run at Project Gutenberg. But after that early rush to stuff his oeuvre into an ebook reader, I suspect you would see what’s already the case: a few of Heinlein’s works getting the largest percentage of the downloads and the rest more or less left to languish.
Nor would those currently popular works be any more popular than they are now. Look, Heinlein is already not hard to get for free — go to your public library, I pretty much guarantee you he’s on the shelf. Even my tiny local public library has a dozen titles ready to be checked out, and that’s without interlibrary loan. He’s not hard to get for cheap, either; go visit a secondhand bookstore sometime (wear your mask when you do, it’s 2020) and you can get an 80s edition paperback for $1.25. Go to a yard sale and you’ll find that paperback for a quarter. And, of course, all his books are in print, if you actually want to fund his estate. Heinlein is ubiquitous and accessible now; that ubiquity and accessibility is satisfying existing demand for his work quite sufficiently. Putting his work in the public domain isn’t going to unlock a pent-up demand; that pent-up demand doesn’t exist.
It’s not just Heinlein, of course. The demand for other golden age science fiction writers is equally being met by the market, and the public domain won’t explode their popularity, either. The golden age authors who are already in the public domain are testament to that. H. Beam Piper, of whose work I am fond (obviously), has most of his major works in the public domain. It has not been a notably huge boost to his reputation or his readership, here in the 21st century.
The public domain is a public good, not a promise of public awareness. It will not lead to a Heinlein renaissance (or an Asimov ascendance, or a Bradbury blooming, etc).
What would? As I’ve mentioned elsewhere before: a new movie or TV series based on a Heinlein novel would probably do the trick just fine. Asimov is about to get a boost from that upcoming Foundation series, and on a scope and scale that a release of the Foundation books into the public domain could never hope to have. The public domain does not have literally tens of millions of dollars in advertising budget to promote its new releases; Apple (in the case of the Foundation TV series) absolutely does, and that will drive interest in the books and do more to extend the reputation of Asimov and his work here in the 21st century than anything else. More than the public domain, certainly.
So, no. The public domain is not, in fact, a sure bet for the popularity of Heinlein and his work. Not now; possibly not ever. Should his work be in the public domain? Assuredly, and will be, in time (starting in 2058 at the very least). But the fame he has in the public domain will likely be what he had outside of it. If the Heinlein Trust wants that fame to be substantial, they should probably get to work on optioning his titles into other media as soon as possible.
— JS
Sunset Clouds, 8/27/20
Posted on August 27, 2020 7 Comments
Missed the actual sunset, but I think this is an acceptable substitute. Enjoy.
— JS
Showcasing My Collection: Enamel Pins, Volume One
Posted on August 27, 2020 27 Comments
Hello, everyone! I hope you’re all having a great Thursday, or whatever day it happens to be when you read this. Today I wanted to share with you something very important to me; my pin collection! However, since I have about eighty pins, I’m just showing you a couple of my favorites today, and save the rest for other days.
I don’t collect many things, but the things I do collect, I take very seriously. My enamel pins are some of favorite possessions, and I truly adore them. I don’t wear them on anything, though. I used to have them on my backpack for college when my collection was much smaller. Additional note before we begin, all these pins are enamel, I don’t really do button/safety pin type pins, just for aesthetic purposes.
This one is one of my most recent additions! I had wanted to buy something from this wonderful artist for a long time, and this pin was the straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back. I’m so glad I ended up getting it (I also got a tote bag that’s super cute). It’s just a clover, but I think it’s so dang pretty. You can find the artist’s shop where I bought this pin here! Also you can follow them on Twitter!
This pin was actually one of the first in my collection, and remains as one of my favorites. I got this one at Gem City Catfe, a coffee shop in Dayton where you can drink coffee, play with cats, and even adopt one! It was such a fun experience, and I hope to do it again sometime soon. They have so many cute cats to interact with, and such a nice setting inside. If you’re from the area, I recommend it!
When I was seventeen I played this dating sim on my phone called Mystic Messenger, and if you’ve ever played it you know what I mean when I say it’s absolutely bonkers. Just wild as fuck, honestly. But one thing I got out of it was the knowledge that there is a Korean snack called Honey Butter Chips, and they are so fucking good. I absolutely adore this chip, and when I saw this pin, I just had to get it (though I can’t remember where I got it and that’s a bummer). If you’ve never graced your tastebuds with Honey Butter Chips, I suggest you buy them immediately.
Another very recent addition to my collection! I’ve liked Studio Ghibli for a while now, and don’t really have any merch of it, which I thought was a bummer. So I decided to get this absolutely adorable No Face pin, since he’s like the coolest character from Spirited Away, and one of the most widely recognized Studio Ghibli symbols. You can check out the artist’s shop where I got it here, and their Twitter!
Last, but certainly not least, is this gorgeous Lunar Moth pin my mom got me for two Christmases ago. This is one of the largest in my collection; in fact it’s so big it has two sharp things in the back to make sure it stays stuck into whatever you put it on. It’s so pretty, I was so happy to get it as a gift. You can find this artist’s shop here, but I don’t think this particular pin is available anymore! And here is their Twitter.
So, there’s just a glimpse at my pin collection! I hope you enjoyed.
-AMS
In the US, 2020 is likely to be the most significant election in a generation. If you're an adult US citizen it's important that you (yes, you) register to vote and then vote by November 3, 2020. Several states are purging voters from their rolls, and efforts are being made to make voting by mail unreliable. It's important also to check your registration, and to have a plan to vote early. Don't let anyone take your right to vote!
Whatever Everyone Else is Saying