Joke Of The Day

This one was sent to me by my budy Pres.

So it seems that a couple of weeks ago, Lucifer himself
was walking around Hell, observing all the suffering. He
was on a mission to be sure everyone was enduring the
maximum pain when he noticed a chubby old guy with white
hair sweating and shoveling coal.

The guy was obviously in great distress, but the Devil
decided he just wasn't suffering sufficiently. So, he
walked up to the perspiring old fellow and whispered
in his ear, "Hey, Teddy... Have I told you a Republican
got your Senate seat?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Earthquake In Hawaii

Who knew?

Can you imagine how the LSM would have reacted if Chimpy McHalliburton Bushitler had said that there was an earthquake in Hawaii? Yeah. Me too. Bush is out of touch. Bush is a moron. Maybe he meant Haiti and counted that country as one of his "57 states", another gaffe that the LSM ignored.

Common Sense

Or maybe I should say lack of common sense. You may wonder why I haven't been ranting more on the gummint takeover of health care. Make no mistake about it, that is the goal of the rat bastard commies in Congress and our rat bastard commie in the White House. Anyone with the intelligence of a third grade pissant can see what this will do to us and our economy and why it is a bad idea.

Right now, the Dims are cooking the books to try to bring this monstrosity in under one trillion dollars. Some thoughts.

Even if the CBO scores this bill to cost one trillion dollars think of this. Can you name one gummint program that has come in under budget? Me neither.

Medicare is broke. It cost a lot more than Lyndon Johnson said it would. I'm shocked! So where is Jug Hussein Ears and the Dims gonna get money for JHEcare? From Medicare, which is broke. Makes perfect sense to me.

Medicaid is broke. It is killing the states.

Our gummint is broke. Social Security is now paying out more money than it is bringing in. It's time to hit the ol' trust fund. Guess what? There ain't no money in the "trust fund". It's all gone. The politicians of both parties have spent it. All that's in the "trust fund" is some IOU's from the federal gummint.

Dear Social Security:

We owe you a shitload of money.

Signed: Congress

So we're in debt, it is increasing daily, and we're in the midst of the worst recession in my lifetime, and our politicians have decided to initiate a multi-trillion dollar entitlement that we cannot afford. Are they truly that stupid? I know Maxine Waters and Barbara Boxer are but what is going through the minds of these idiots? Don't they realize the state our country is in? We are on our way to becoming Greece.

Common sense. It is what is really lacking in our elected leaders. It looks like it is what is lacking in our electorate as well since they put these buttheads in office.

Don't blame me. My congresscritter is a Republican and I voted for the old white guy. At least I showed some common sense unlike the 53% who voted for JHE.

A Puzzle

My friend Pat sent me this puzzle.

Which number completes the following series: SCOTLAND 27186453, LOTS 7293, LOAN 8367, AND _____.
271
453
786
675

Put your guess answer in the comments. Cryptologists and computer programmers should be able to answer this. Yes, I solved it. I'll put up the answer and how I found it tomorrow.

Well, I see that most of you got the correct answer. Some of you even showed your work. For those of you who didn't get the correct answer, or didn't have a clue, the solution follows.

Site Problems

You may have noticed some site problems. My hosting service is doing server migrations.

Deemed Passed

My elder bro' Jimbo explains deemed pass.

Another Vent

I read this one in this morning's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.

Memo to you with private health care: You can keep it. It is called a public option because it is optional.

Memo to the person who wrote this vent: You are an idiot! The goal of Jug Hussein Ears and the rat bastard commie Dimocrats in Congress is a single payer health care system. How long do you think it will take for private businesses to dump their health care plans if there is a public option available? And I can guarantee that the public option will be priced cheaper than private plans. Don't believe that? Look at our debt. Then, when it has forced all of the private plans out of business, the tax increases will really hit us.

"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see how much it costs when it is free." - P. J. O'rourke

Caribou Barbie

Called to my attention by Bill.

Obatello Descending

I'm dealing with some issues so I'm turning it over to Ron who has managed to combine Othello with the Orpheus myth.

Sitting around waiting for some responses on various irons in the fire, I let my imagination wander around through stuff in my mind. After it tripped over Othello and stumbled into both versions of the Orpheus myth (both classic Greek and American black), it took over my fingers and cranked out this plotsum:

Obatello Descending takes place in a corrupt city built on an ancient swamp inhabited by parasites and deadbeats. Murder, double-dealing, equivocation, and theft from the public treasury occupy most of the primary inhabitants' time and energies. Scattered around the city are luxury palaces, Dionysian retreats, and offices of scammers, flim-flammers, corrupt lawyers, lobbyists, and other of Satan's spawn.

When not actively engaged in stealing from the general public, most of the major players in the city (all of whom come from other cities and regions and pretend to be important lawmakers) improve their skills at drinking, copulating, finger-pointing, pontificating, and balderdashing. Obatello, the main character, is the half-breed offspring of a profligate African reprobate and a clueless Midwestern brain donor. He holds advanced degrees in Plagiarism, Circumlocution, and Pretension.

Obatello is married to a failed Black Panther who graduated from Victimhood University with a master's degree in Whining, a product of the Sekund-Sitty slums, whose father was an orangutan and mother was a professional welfare dependent. The other main female character is a dangerous unindicted felon with tenuous but long-standing ties to a lying, cheating, randy, pasty-faced ex-politician. She is an aging, vicious, accomplished posturer smoldering with disappointment stemming from uppity blacks, transgressed class boundaries, infrequent and unfulfilling sex, betrayal, an ugly kid, and a serious case of cankles.

For reasons unknown to virtually everyone, Obatello has ascended sans bona fides or credentials to the seat of central power in the land and surrounded himself with a group of henchmen whose experiences have focused on thuggery, deception, vacillation, fraud, and treachery. His front men are practiced carnival barkers skilled in duplicity and obfuscation who act as though they are descendants of classical Greek chorus. Obatello's appearance in the national awareness was facilitated by a misplaced religious wingnut with visions of huge reparations for all descendants of African slaves and a gossip-mongering, self-appointed moral compass for drifty housewives.

Brother Jeralmighty, a husky-voiced, anti-Caucasian, vitriol-spitting, black "conjure man" inculcated in the young Obatello a permanent mistrust for all white people, including his white mother's parents, the people who raised him and tried to give him wholesome values. Mix in the beguiling influence of the witchy woman, Whorepa, and what results is a willing, if naïve, rock-star persona based loosely on the Black Orpheus myth, with echoes of spellbinding rhetoric, teflon birds that sleep on the wind, and snakes that leave their shed skins behind as manna for groupies to feast and fantasize on. Then add to all that a Marxist agenda and a bottomless pit of money to fund it from a billionaire whose goal is total eradication of justice, liberty, and freedom for the average citizen.

That said, one would anticipate a three-act 3-hour play complete with intrigue, hypocrisy, suspicion, murder, sex, gunplay, arson, drug addiction, and mounting economic disaster. However, as soon as the audience receives, in classic Tennessee-Williams fashion, the full introduction of characters and background, Obatello strides onto the stage amidst his full complement of flunkies and yes-men, stands between matching teleprompters, and announces his plans for improving the lives of everyone in the entire country through pure fucking magic.

At that moment, he is struck by the second stage booster of a Chinese rocket launching a death-ray satellite and transformed into a gray spot of grease on the basement floor of the theater. The standing ovation lasts for nearly an hour, and all in attendance agree that Obatello Descending is the most uplifting, inspiring, and satisfying comedy of the century.

I give it 5 stars and a resounding "Allllll-Righty, Then!"

I hope Ron doesn't ever start his own blog.

Monday Pun 3-15-2010

Sent to me by Mike.

Moishe Plotnik's Laundry

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners......

When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.'

'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. 'How does that belong in Chinatown?'

He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking drycleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry.'

The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, 'Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?''

The old man answered, 'Ah..Evleebody ask me dat. It name of owner.'

Looking around, the tourist asked, 'Is he here now?'

'It me, Me him!' replied the old man.

'Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a Jewish name like Moishe Plotnik?'

'It simple' said the old man. 'Many, many year ago I come to thes country. I standing in line at 'Documentation Center of Immiglation. Man in front of me was Jewish man from Poland.Lady at counter look at him and say to him, 'What your name?'

He say to her, 'Moishe Plotnik.'

Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?'

I say, ...

The Great Reneger

From Woody.

And before you start, reneger is not racist. It is a bridge term.

Cards. to play a card that is not of the suit led when one can follow suit; break a rule of play.

From there it became to go back on one's word: He has reneged on his promise.

A lot of people are not seeing the change they thought they believed in.

Saturday Blonde Joke

From Dave.

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 98 mph.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah, looks like it"

"Are his flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again...... Lemme see....

"Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup..."

Saturday Boobage 3-13-2010

AOTW 3-12-2010

Oh geez! Decisions. Decisions. I was thinking of giving it to Massa. After all, he did break the solemn US Navy Code by telling the world about tickling parties and snorkling. Sure, we did that all the time when out at sea but we all took a solemn oath not to ever talk about it to civilians. Keelhaul him!

But, no, there was a bigger asshole this week. Once again, I have to give it to Speaker Blinky. She said earlier this week that the Dims needed to pass the health care bill so they could find out what was in it.

It has come to this. We have politicians voting for bills sight unseen. The Founders would be weeping if they could witness what has become of our great republic. They would weep even more to see what a disgrace we have for Speaker of the House. They would shake their heads in wonder and shame at our affirmative action president.

I am at a loss for words other than saying, "Here's your award Speaker Blinky."

The Toyota Simulator

Go here.

From Tiger.