REAP researcher Xinrui Gao joins parent trainer Liu Xianju on several weekly sessions during the six-month pilot program and describes here a caretaker’s dramatic shift in attitude toward modern parenting.
SILVER FLOWER TOWN, SHANYANG COUNTY – Wang Junjie’s grandmother was outside feeding the pigs the first time we visited her home. She listened solemnly to us while continuing her chores but curtly stated that as long as her grandchild is clothed, obedient and not hungry, her job is complete. She then abruptly turned and left us standing there.
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Liu says, "Trust needs to be mutual. As long as you are sincere in your efforts and bring passion to what you are doing, your love and sincerity will touch others.” |
I was disappointed with her reaction and ready to give up, but Liu Xianju, a parenting trainer in our REAP project, told me to not worry.
“This is her first time exposed to modern ideas of parenting,” Liu said. “It is natural that she would react with some hostility. After all, the purpose of this project is to slowly change caretakers’ attitudes toward childrearing.”
Wang was one of four children Liu was responsible for in our parenting project. Because Wang’s parents work year-round as migrant laborers, the boy lives with his grandmother. My experience with this family left a deep impression.
During that first visit, Liu followed Grandma Wang as she moved about the house. Liu introduced our project and the week’s games, and explained how the activities would hone the 21-month-old boy’s language, emotional, cognitive, and motor abilities.
We were both disheartened, however, when our efforts were met with further silence and coldness from the grandmother.
Two months later, I joined Liu in another visit to Wang’s house. To my surprise, Grandma Wang greeted us with warmth and enthusiasm, offering us water and tea. She insisted we sit by the fire and even invited us to stay for dinner. The grandmother was grateful for Liu’s diligent and patient efforts in teaching her how to do different activities with the little boy.
“At the beginning,” Liu said, “Wang’s grandmother was dismissive and dissatisfied with me. She did not understand the purpose of these activities, and felt that I was wasting her time.”
Furthermore, Liu added, Grandma Wang, who is illiterate, could not read our print materials. So Liu started taking extra time to explain the importance of the activities for a child’s development. Slowly, the grandmother’s attitude changed.
According to Liu, Grandma Wang saw how hard Liu worked to teach and play with her grandchild – visiting her home each week despite harsh weather conditions. She also saw how Little Wang loved playing with our toys, and how the tailored activities encouraged him to become more outgoing and less temperamental. We had gained her acceptance with our persistence and sincerity.
“Now, rather than being left at the door like before,” Liu said, “Grandma Wang courteously walks us out at the end of each visit.”
In sharing her experiences as a parent trainer, Liu said, “Trust needs to be mutual. As long as you are sincere in your efforts and bring passion to what you are doing, your love and sincerity will touch others.”