Chen: An ode to Stanford football

From four straight BCS bowls to an unranked hole,
The demise of Cardinal football is a tale of woe.
Gone are the players that were the team’s heart and soul.
O, Stanford, how did thee manage to fall so low?

Whatever happened to our great leader Hogan?
So much has changed in the past two years.
“Our quarterback is clutch,” was once our slogan,
but now, his poor choices leave fans in tears.

The offense knows nothing but to stall,
While the power running game is all but gone.
The defense never fails to answer the call,
But they can’t be expected to always press on.

The two Andersons are virtually unblockable,
Trampling everyone in their relentless paths.
They make opponents look outright laughable,
When the duo comes to play with their fearsome wrath.

Stanford’s O-line is shy like a doe,
What use is five stars on the field?
Hogan needs much more time to throw,
The tiny halfbacks can only yield.

The offense no longer carries any urgency,
Nor do they play with much confidence.
There are no signs of resurgency,
For an offense ranked dead last in the conference.

“Don’t ever forget how hard it was to get there,”
Coach Shaw told his team after the Rose Bowl win.
That 2012 season now seems like a distant dream,
as the patience of Stanford fans begin to wear thin.

ASU gave Stanford a good ole’ spanking,
Out there in the desert right in front of Shaw.
Offense and special teams were badly failing,
Losing Shittu and Parry proved to be the last straw.

Stanford rushed for just five yards in the first half,
And you wondered how that could possibly be.
ESPN even made a cute bar graph,
O, did it capture the incompetency.

The play-calling was bland in the Arizona night,
Not until the fourth quarter did we see a zone read.
By the time the Cardinal showed up for the fight,
Nothing could be done to stop the bleed.

O, woe is Stanford football! O, woe is Stanford football!
Out of the AP poll the Cardinal have tumbled.
After 73 weeks, it’s an unexpected fall.
Perhaps at last, Nerd Nation has crumbled.

But fear not, Cardinal fans, fear not,
There is hope yet — our program will not implode.
Shaw must use what Harbaugh has taught,
“Chryst is the chosen one,” the prophecy has foretold.

Out of the ashes Stanford will soon emerge,
A team reunited under the power of our Chryst.
Next season we shall witness an unparalleled surge,
As Stanford rules once more with a hard iron fist.

“Hark!” quoth George Chen’s editor.
If this poem strikes a chord with you,
and you yearn for more words so pure,
contact him at gchen15 ‘at’ stanford.edu.