March 12, 2016

Just hide in the bathtub till it’s over

AAPL -5.23%

Big Shiny Apple Merkins (AAPL): $418.37 (-$23.07) (-5.23%) Shares continued their steady decline as Silicon Valley investors continued to respond negatively to the iPhone maker’s bizarre, cumbersome new name.

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“Tu Stultus Es”

Hillary Clinton Appears Before Rally Completely Nude In Bid For Authenticity

‘Here I Am, A Mere Human Being,’ Says Naked Candidate

RALEIGH, NC—Flatly declaring to audience members that she stood on stage as no more than a human being with nothing to hide, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton reportedly appeared Friday before a campaign rally completely nude in a bid to once and for all prove her authenticity.

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Noam Chomsky Announces Las Vegas Residency

Political Critic To Make Nightly Speaking Appearances At Bellagio Resort Through 2019

LAS VEGAS—During a standing-room-only press event at the Bellagio hotel Thursday, renowned linguist, political commentator, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate Noam Chomsky announced an upcoming three-year residency at the luxury resort and casino that is scheduled to begin this April.

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