Congratulations to Six Meat Buffet

By Dan Collins on April 19, 2010

on six years of awesome blogging.

Here’s to many more!

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“Honey, This Is Lord Vader”

By Dan Collins on April 18, 2010

“This is my wife, Marian.”
“Pleased to meet you. Please, call me Darth.”
“Oh, Roger’s told me all about you!”
“Ha! Remember that time when you said, I can’t do the voice, ‘I find you disturbing’?”
“I find your lack of faith . . . disturbing.”
“Exactly! I thought I was going to die!”
“Oh, my dear!”
“Well, I was . . . .”
“Where are my manners, eh? Can I get you a drink?”
“Roger mixes the most divine mojitos!”
“I’ll have a whiskey sour, if you don’t mind. With a . . . do you have any of those bendy straws?”
“Somewhere around here. Say, I’ve always wondered . . . how do you eat with that helmet thing on?”
“In fact, I . . . .”
“Oh, Rog, don’t you think that’s a little rude? Don’t you listen to him. He asks the most impertinent questions.”
“Honey, where’s the sour mix? Ah! Found it.”
“So, Mr., I mean, Lord Vader . . . .”
“Just Darth, please.”
“Well, then, Darth . . . are you married?”
“No.”
“Was there ever a Mrs. Vader?”
“She died, a long time ago.”
“Oh, how terribly sad.”
“Here you go. Cheers, Darthy!”
“Thank you. Cheers.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, what did she die of?”
“Bad acting.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I jest. She died in childbirth.”
“Heavens. How?”
“The plot required it.”
“Awful. I say it’s Federation health care. I hope you don’t mind my saying so, Darth.”
“Oh, not at all.”
“Dreadful business. As I recall, that was shortly before you got . . . er, melted.”
“Roger! Really, you say the most outlandish things!”

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Why Christians are Offensive

By Enoch_Root on April 18, 2010

Last year, my business partners and I purchased a small interactive company from a nice fellow – husband and father of 4 kids. He had accepted an offer to go full-time into the Army, having served in the Guard for many, many years. He is a Captain and a real solid guy. Salt of the earth type.

His wife, Karen, is likewise very cool. Exceedingly sharp. A one-time financial executive with NASA, she and Dan (not brother Dan) met, married, and decided to start a family. They moved back to Wisconsin, with Karen quitting her job and had their first child. Three more following in rapid succession.

Karen and Dan decided to home school their children. That responsibility fell to Karen. And they have stuck to the plan for some 10 years.

I have met their kids and they are wonderful, bright, and respectful children. Near as I can tell, they have done a great job.

But Dan continues to commute 1.5 hours to and from Madison – every day – for his job.

So when I asked Karen, who stopped in last week, how things were, she remarked that the commute is really a drag for Dan. I asked if they planned on moving closer to Madison. She laughed… “Are you kidding me? People like us aren’t really the ‘Madison Type,’ if you know what I mean.”

“Oh,” I said. I figured she was saying that because they are conservatives. Madison, like any other state capitol, is extremely liberal – being the hub of state government and packed with bureaucrats living at the trough of the tax-payers. But then she put in, “I mean, being Christians. They’re tolerant of Muslims, Hindus, Atheists, Jews, Pagans, etcetera. But Christians? Enoch, they hate us all. I mean hate… us… Once they find out you’re a believer, you’re as good as done.”

WOW. This got me to thinking about why Believers in peace, love, gentleness, forgiveness, and sacrifice are so reviled among the Bourgeoisie?

I have my own thoughts on the topic. What are yours?

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Billy Jeff Returns & O’s Poland Debacle

By Dan Collins on April 18, 2010

In concert with Rachel Maddow’s special on Tim McVeigh, Billy Jeff is doing the TV circuit, talking about how awful the Tea Party people are. After many years of demonizing talk radio and, more recently, protesters against big government, he’s saying that people shouldn’t demonize officeholders, but criticize them instead. These are the people who created the expression “vast right-wing conspiracy.”

InstaGlenn is having none of it:

THE NEW CURRENCY is obedience.

Meanwhile, remember how the left went crazy over Ari Fleischer’s advice to “watch what you say?” But now Bill Clinton is comparing Tea Partiers to Tim McVeigh and proffering rather Fleischeresque advice. Maybe Clinton should watch what he says, when it comes to branding large numbers of nonviolent Americans as terrorists. But this statement serves as a useful reminder to those who have come to think of Clinton as some sort of cuddly, not-so-bad figure. He was a demagogue who would say whatever he thought might work when he was President, and he still is.

Summers and Rubin gave me bad advice on derivatives, and I was wrong to take it, but the boundaries were already blurred, so . . . . At any rate, not on the Congressional agenda is a rigorous analysis of how Congress blew financial regulation, which is okay, I guess, because the MSM are letting them skate, which they have to, because to do otherwise would expose their own whistling past the graveyard.

When Obama assumed power, he was predicting a 40-year Progressive supremacy in the US, so naturally the idea that it could crater by November is galling. Also, he owed Obama big time for giving his wife a job that would guarantee that she was gone far away most of the time.

What McVeigh did was evil beyond all imagining. What Clinton and Reno did at Waco was also evil, and deserves its own retrospective.

Some of you will undoubtedly think that my criticism of Obama for not attending the state funerals in Poland is over the top. If Obama cared, though, he’d be able to go to his hometown and conduct a ceremony at the Polish Museum of America, an institution of which he must be almost as aware as he is of the players on the Chicago White Sox. The fact is, he doesn’t give a damn. The fact is that the Chicago Tribune doesn’t give a damn, either.

Related duplicity would be the Cohen of Silence. And read Marc Theissen’s lengthy demolition of Jane Mayer’s putrid courtiership for disaster.

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Neuter America’s Space Ambitions

By Dan Collins on April 17, 2010

We’re all going to have to sacrifice, but rather than cut back on bureaucrats, Obama would rather cut back on NASA. He’d promised to protect their jobs, but I guess they aren’t unionized or something, so he’s changed his mind.

And in case someone might call him on it, he made sure that not a single NASA worker was invited to his press event.

Change!

Thanks for restoring science to its rightful place, with Potemkin crocodile tears. Back in the day, we could put a man on the moon, but we can no longer even get this highly motivated President to Poland, because of the volcano that has erupted due to global warming.

At the same time, Eric Holder’s defending those wacky kidz whose sympathies lay with America’s enemies. Because real visionaries have visions that are better than yours, peasant.

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On Days Like These…

By Enoch_Root on April 17, 2010

Seems we’ve finally made it through Winter here in SE Wisconsin. A good thing too, as I couldn’t stand any more of it.

To those who don’t live in Wisconsin, please keep in mind that it is somewhat of a responsibility of Cheeseheads like me to complain about the weather. When it is too hot, we wish for Fall… when it is too cold, we wish for Spring. When it is too cool we wish for Summer… so forth and so on. But mostly, we look forward. Most of us wonder aloud whether we live here for the weather or the taxes. Even though the weather is out of our control, we as a state continue to embrace olde-world socialism by voting in the likes of Gov Doyle… oddly, these Dems usually win by a margin of 1-2% – when late-night vote tallies from the outlands of Wisconsin arrive at 1 or 2 in the AM. Nevertheless, we remain in Wisconsin. It is very common for Wisconsinites complain and remain. I don’t know if that is a reflection of ethic, commitment, or a desire for martyrdom.

Sorry for rambling.

It is on days like today, with the windows open and the cool breeze blowing through the house – so desperate are we for fresh air after being caged in our homes for 5 months during Winter – that I feel like being outside. I like to be outside, sitting in the sun, listening to the birds and wondering about things while I smoke.

James pretty much hated Wisconsin. He hated the weather. But also found the deeply-rooted Germanic culture cold too. He preferred New Mexico. He liked the mountains and the desert. He wanted to move back West as soon as possible. Having grown up in suburban Milwaukee… having moved out to the SW in his twenties, and then having moved back for work in his mid-thirties, James had cause to know which he preferred.

We talked about everything. We were in business together. Both of us were fascinated by the Cosmos and all of the mysterious therein. We would talk about stuff that others would surely take to mean we had lost our wits. But when we discussed crazy shit and outlandish ideas, there were no limits… no constraints. No fear of being accused. Everything was open to discussion. Nothing was off-limits. And even if years had passed us by, a tendril of a concept could be picked up right where we left it. And this meant that over the almost 30 years of our friendship, we had disagreed on very much. But we had also come to accord on many, many matters… having tested each of these under the scrutiny of extreme heat and repeated hammers. We were forging our friendship and helping each other grow spiritually.

James would probably be here today. Sitting on one of our patio chairs gifted from Jane his mother to Jennifer and I when she sold her house 15 years back. He would be shaking his head with disbelief as I challenged or asserted this or that. He had a habit of uncomfortably long pauses as he considered his words. He would be smirking, staring down at his pouch of tobacco, paper ready to be receive just enough. I would say, “What?” He would take his time, tamp down the tobacco, roll it like a million times before, put it up to the tip of his tongue like a typewriter return. Then, he would let it hang there and glance at me as if to say, “You’re such a dumb shit.” Then, he’d light his smoke, take a deep breath, lean back, exhale, and say, “Dude…” Which meant, “why are you being so daft?” Then he would argue how naive I was or purposefully dense. I would act like I was offended or confused about what he meant by being purposefully dense. He would laugh, knowing I was daring him to say what he was saying aloud. He would very rarely give me such satisfaction. Instead, he’d repeat, “Dude!” Which meant, “Seriously. You’re such a jack ass. You know what you’re doing. Fuck, I hate it when you do that.” I’d raise my eyebrows and look surprised, “Me? Purposefully daft to make you explain yourself and that shit logic?”

And this went on for years, whether over the phone, at the bar, at a restaurant, instant messaging, via text, voice mail, etc. .

On days like these I can see him. And I miss him very much. I will never have that again.

This is the pain we feel when we lose someone so close to us – so close that it is impossible to explain. When we reflect on that missing part. The tear in the mainsail of our soul. The wind blows right through it. Like a house with its windows wide open.

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American Identifies “His People”

By Enoch_Root on April 17, 2010

This uncle tom house ni^*er sell-out traitor to the race brainwashed uppity black man African American negro American is very brave… I mean to say these things on camera. What is this world coming to?

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Dear Poland

By Dan Collins on April 16, 2010

Keepers and Defenders of The Faith, Most Faithful, Most Beloved: We apologize for our President.

The many Catholics of the United States. What are we to think, brothers?

Among the many prayers, for Mike in NH, Ric Locke, Moxie’s dad, and now our own Rocketman. There are so many, Lord. And yet, you have reconciled us all.

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On Lucy’s impending demise

By Rocketman on April 16, 2010

Lucy

Just about everyone knows the old saying, “we all have our problems”, and admittedly mine are few, my life is blessed, and filled with many graces.  But the world today can be a difficult and complex environment to negotiate; each day bringing with it a new set of challenges to face, issues to contemplate, discussions to have, and decisions to take.  There are so many people quietly suffering, for a variety of reasons, whose lives interlock with each of ours, directly or virtually, and who need our support, advice, empathy, good wishes, and prayers.  So I am loathe to relate a matter that seems comparatively inconsequential in the scheme of things; one on which I seek neither your pity nor comfort, but only your thoughts.

Lucy is a little white dog, and our beloved pet.  A “rescue” dog my wife adopted nearly 9 years ago, when the best estimates were that she was already 4 or 5 years; a snow-white Maltese that is no bigger than either of our admittedly large housecats.  Tomorrow Lucy is scheduled to be euthanized…

When healthy, she was almost always loving, bouncy and happy, full of vigor and verve.  Incorrigible when I first moved here, following our marriage 5 years ago, she came to recognize me as the “alpha” in our home.  It never ceased to amaze my wife and mother-in-law that I was able to teach-the-old-girl-new-tricks such as not begging at the table, shamelessly, and to sit and behave when commanded   And I did it without ever striking or physically disciplining her; I mean, a man my size would feel like “two cents waiting for change” had I ever done so.

Lucy was ecstatic whenever my wife or I walked through the front door, hopping about madly on her hind legs in the manner of a performing circus dog; it was endearing as well as  heart wearming, and we used to say she was dancing for us.  And when any “unauthorized” persons came into our yard, she would act as though she were a 90 pound Rottweiler instead of the 9 pound pipsqueak she actually was; charging towards the door and barking like there was no tomorrow.

Unfortunately, there will be only one more tomorrow for her.

A couple of months ago we noticed her getting sick more often.  An imaging examination revealed an already large growth that had begun to insinuate her stomach and nearby intestine; one that, upon further analysis, the veterinarian determined would not be operable.  He couldn’t tell us how long she might survive at that time and attempted to treat her condition with very strong medicines.  However, the treatments were to no avail, and though her condition seemed to improve in the short term, the menacing growth had quickened and there was nothing we could do but pray.

In the past three weeks her condition has deteriorated rapidly.  Unable to eat much, what little she ingests passing through mercurially, Lucy’s weight has slowly dwindled to the 5 pounds she is now.  In spite of all this, she kept alternating between periods of energy and lethargy, still dancing when we came in the door; until 4 days ago.  Since then she has barely eaten, with precious little coming out the proper end; we called the vet and told him it was probably her time.

She won’t be dancing anymore…

I’ve been in this situation before in my life, several times in fact.  But what is especially trying about this episode is that I have to watch my lovely wife suffer through it.  It’s been very hard for her and she’s spoken of  feeling powerless to help Lucy.  It brings her to tears when she relates how she promised Lucy she’d always take care of her, and now can’t.  And I’m getting a taste of how she feels.  I know this is probably well traveled ground for those of you blessed with children, but it is something that she and I have never faced together.  And although I reflexively fix a stoic look upon my countenance, I must admit to the anxiety roiling underneath.

I think that the worst part for me has been the philosophical dilemma surrounding when to make the hard call.  The truth is, she could probably hold on for some time, and the vet has assured us she is in no physical pain, although most likely a continuous nausea of sorts.  And that brings me to the subject I’d like your opinions and insight on.

It occurs to me that there is a very fine line between terminating her life too soon, and waiting too long.  On either side of that line are bands of selfishness.  To euthanize her too soon in order to avoid having to clean up after her accidents, spare us watching her decline, and, frankly, to avoid the sudden jolt of waking up and finding her dead seems selfish on our part; that we would be doing it for our convenience.  But, to wait until the absolute bitter end seems selfish too; like we’re keeping her around solely for our benefit, so we can spend one more day with her in our lives.  It’s a fine line indeed…

But the bottom line is that after tomorrow, Lucy won’t be dancing here on Long Island anymore.  I just hope and pray that all dogs really do go to heaven, and that it will only be a metaphysical blink of her eye until my beloved wife, myself, Lucy, and all the folks we love will be together again.

Thanks for listening, and for your insight on toeing the fine line between convenience, mercy, and necessity.

So here’s to Lucy, Requiescat in pace et in amore…

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Want To Buy My Book?

By Dan Collins on April 16, 2010

Don’t care to pay shipping costs?

$3.99 towards your final shipping cost
Enter code FREEMAIL305

Disclaimer: Use coupon code FREEMAIL305 at checkout and receive $3.99 towards your final shipping cost. This amount is the US mail cost for a single book order. Please note: there will be a shipping total listed on your order receipt. This coupon code will reduce your final order total by $3.99, which is the US mail cost for a single book. Purchase must be 3rd party content. Self-purchases of your own content are not eligible. Discount cannot be used to pay for, nor shall be applied to applicable taxes or shipping and handling charges. Shipping destination must be a valid US address. Promotional codes cannot be applied to any previous order. No exchanges or substitutions allowed. Only one valid promotional code may be used per account. Coupon cannot be used in combination with other coupon codes. Offer expires on 5/1/10 at 11:59 PM. Lulu.com reserves the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime. Void where prohibited.

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