"Though I had no prior history of mental health issues, my 'hot girl summer' quickly spiraled into my 'hypomanic girl summer,'" writes Vivek Tanna. "Oops!"

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Today I have a message for the frosh, but also for the sophomores since they’re also children this year: GET OUT OF YOUR ROOMS (to make friends and get involved in a manner compliant with COVID-19 safety protocols)!

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Everyone’s actions matter, but Vivek Tanna has graciously volunteered to show you his own.

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It’s possible that queer men play our cards close to our chests, revealing ourselves strategically, to either communicate a lack of interest or mitigate the impact of possible rejection down the line, writes Vivek Tanna.

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I consider Grindr an interface between the internal and external, a touchpoint between myself and queer male community, writes Vivek Tanna.

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HUMOR: It is important to be aware of signs that your commitment to this “flavored” beverage has affected your personal relationships.

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With egregious voter suppression and now foreign interference in elections, America has been no stranger to caloric austerity. But this year, with a president creating confusion around a fair election and refusing to accept its results, millions of Americans have reached an unprecedented commitment to swerve away from thick, fattening Democracy. Instead, they’re flirting with a new product: Democracy Lite.

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SATIRE: The five new coaches suggested that they would bring a new, holistic coaching strategy. First, players would be instructed to take everything in their wardrobe, and burn it!

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SATIRE: “Only a few weeks after Global Mode launched, we were bombarded with complaints that there just weren’t enough eligible swipers,” commented one Tinder executive. “This was the only way we could keep the infinite scroll going.”

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SATIRE: “Oh for sure, I’m one of the good apples, and it’s totally fair to give me the responsibility of fixing the system,” said one cop. “I mean, I even think that murder is wrong!"

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The COVID-19 death toll makes death and the resulting absence of loved ones difficult to grasp.

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SATIRE: “It’s true, the phrase is catchy and gets the point across,” said the lead researcher of one recent trial. “However, its observed use skyrocketed so quickly that its effect has turned around markedly.”

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SATIRE: “It’s true,” commented one top administrator. “After a certain threshold for annual income, the federal government starts giving you insider information on the state of public health.”

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