Prateek, a former editor-in-chief of Brown University’s satirical newspaper (The Brown Noser), signed with the Stanford Daily’s satire section in free agency. He also had one glorious month-long stint contributing headlines to The Onion, none of which were published. Feel free to send him article suggestions and harsh criticism at pjoshi2 ‘at’ stanford.edu. His favorite hobby is getting an M.S. in Civil and Environmental Engineering (Class of 2021), focusing on sustainable energy systems. When he’s not satirizing, he’s fervently searching for whoever had the nerve to claim the “pjoshi1” email username.
“We’ve found that the percentage of people who either understand nothing about basic science or who understand just enough to build a nuclear warhead are at all-time highs.”
HUMOR: “When it’s safe to open our doors to fans, I can promise you that the first 500 attendees at each game will be promptly given away to another team.”
HUMOR: The quarterback will surpass his previous record of nine Super Bowl commercials for the legendary tortilla chip brand produced by Frito-Lay, Inc.
SATIRE: “With our revolutionary 5G infrastructure that covers two and a half blocks of the SoMa neighborhood in San Francisco, the call will fail before you even hear a single ring. Now that is lighting fast.”
SATIRE: "Instead of just owning a cute little bakery in St. Louis like we told you, she was also a prominent leader of the Women's Ku Klux Klan throughout the 1920's."
SATIRE: “Look, we’ve been pretty slammed with the coronavirus stuff as of late, so instead of e-mailing me a bunch of questions about the romaine lettuce you bought, just give it a little sniff and if it smells fine then it’s probably okay to eat.”
SATIRE: RNC chairperson Ronna McDaniel is highly critical of states that waste taxpayer money to hire and train qualified individuals to count ballots in order to ensure a free and fair election.
SATIRE: Researchers are being cautious and still cannot determine with full confidence if this discovery was a complete fluke or the result of decades of diligent adherence to the principles of physics, chemistry, and biology.
SATIRE: Johnson, who arrived at his gate seven hours early after bypassing the X-ray machine altogether, was viewed by fellow passengers as a shining example of the virtues of planning ahead of time.
SATIRE: Average Americans are struggling to keep up with the rising costs of prescription drugs, especially the ones that give you a wild high and result in a damaging lifelong dependency.
SATIRE: Director Aurelia Skipwith unequivocally stated that fish were in fact separate from wildlife, and not just one subset of wildlife as scientists previously thought.
Expressing concern about how prepared the class of 2020 is for the real world, U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced that the overwhelming majority of high school graduates lack the skills to properly execute a pyramid scheme.
Warning that the rate of species extinction is accelerating at an unprecedented pace, the United Nations released an alarming intergovernmental report on Friday admitting that, despite this rapid decline in biodiversity, we probably don’t need hagfish anyways. “This man-made ‘sixth extinction’ will have disturbing ramifications across the entire planet because all species, except for the…
Proclaiming that the passion has slowly faded away, a local promiscuous ant reported feeling unfulfilled in its symbiotic relationship with the nearby tree.
Unveiling “phase 4” of a massive congressional COVID-19 stimulus package this week, Senate Republicans announced plans for sweeping discounts on every single roll of 1-ply toilet paper that has been hoarded.
SATIRE: Expressing their concern for the rover’s safety and well-being, NASA’s lonely scientists admitted Tuesday that they wished InSight would Skype home every now and then. The sophisticated machine, launched from Earth almost two years ago, has barely kept in touch with its home planet.
SATIRE: “It’s pretty intimidating to gallop around this country club-esque campus when you know these are hallowed fields steeped in generations of equine achievement,” said Jigsaw the horse.