neurotic Iraqi wife
March 07, 2010
The Blissful Eternal Journey...
To the Star that lit my skies
To the breeze that cooled me down
To my dearest beautiful Baba
As I walked on that desert sand passing by the numbers, the numbers that identify those who left this world, I saw you. I saw your name on that plaque, and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldnt help it baba. I really couldnt. How can it be, "Il marhoom ......"The words sent chills down my spine. I sat down on the bench, staring at your resting place. Read the Fat ha on your soul, and out of the blue a sudden serenity overcame me. I began to smile. Smile for I remembered a joke we shared together. Maybe it was you talking to me, telling me not to despair. Yes I finally managed to get away from my boys to get to see you. Im sorry I havent visited you in so so long, I hope you can forgive me.
Baba, the day you have been looking forward to finally came. The elections were today. And yes I know you are going to be upset with me, for I refused to go. Im sorry, but there is no one that I believe can bring a better life to the Iraqis. All the promises that these people claim to bring to Iraq are false. They entered the election race to satisfy their own egos. Their own egos and their own needs. I gave my voice a few years ago, but it was never heard. I lifted my purpe finger with pride, but it got broken. I had hopes, and big dreams, but now, now I no longer dream of a better Iraq. I may hope for a better Iraq, not for my sake, but for the Iraqi people's sake, but to dream it?No. I cant.
Yes Baba, I know you dont agree with me. I know that you always had hope. BIG hope. And thats what makes you a great man. You never give up. Even on your hospital bed, a few days before you were gone, you were so upset and angry by the bombings that took place in Baghdad. I was shocked. There we were, worried about you, and yet, you werent worried about yourself, but worried about your countrymen instead. Baba, there is no honest man out there, believe me. Their words stopped meaning anything to me. For I know, I know that the Iraq you have known will never come back. Not now, not in my children's lifetime, not ever. And no, Im not being a pessimist as you used to call me, but a realist.
Many people are calling this a historical moment. What history? Are we gonna call every election a historical moment?Thats something I dont understand. What kind of history are they making. What will my little ones read when they grow up?Iraq, the Shattered Dream? Hundreds of thousands of people are risking their lives because of Hope. And maybe Hope is the only thing they have right now. But for me this is nothing but a repeat of a definite failure. Sorry Baba, I dont want to upset you, but you always told us to speak our minds, and this is exactly whats on my mind.
I spent my day instead sniffing my boys' sweet feet, an addiction that I cant get enough of, for they have such yummy feet Baba. Speaking of the boys, they are growing so fast. I can tell already that they will be cheeky little munchkins. And Baba they are total opposites of each other in every way possible. From looks to behaviour to habbits, it just amazes me how can these two come from the same two people. There is one thing and one thing only they have in common though.
One day as I was playing with one of them, I could tell he was mesmerised by something. I look, and out of all the photos on that table, he was staring at yours. Staring and smiling. The exact same thing happened with his brother.Yes, can you believe it?It took me by a total surprise. So now, whenever they look at you, I say yes, yes this is your Jiddo, your amazing Jiddo. I dont want their first words to be mama or baba or even dada. No, I want their first word to be Jiddo. What do you say?
Offffffff ya baba, how much I miss you. Yella come back, come back, your grandsons are waiting for you. Your grandsons are waiting to hear that deep laughter of yours, are waiting for their Jiddo to play with them. Yella come on, this trip of yours is taking too long. Way too long. Nevertheless I hope youre enjoying the Journey. The Blissful Eternal Journey...
To the breeze that cooled me down
To my dearest beautiful Baba
As I walked on that desert sand passing by the numbers, the numbers that identify those who left this world, I saw you. I saw your name on that plaque, and the tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldnt help it baba. I really couldnt. How can it be, "Il marhoom ......"The words sent chills down my spine. I sat down on the bench, staring at your resting place. Read the Fat ha on your soul, and out of the blue a sudden serenity overcame me. I began to smile. Smile for I remembered a joke we shared together. Maybe it was you talking to me, telling me not to despair. Yes I finally managed to get away from my boys to get to see you. Im sorry I havent visited you in so so long, I hope you can forgive me.
Baba, the day you have been looking forward to finally came. The elections were today. And yes I know you are going to be upset with me, for I refused to go. Im sorry, but there is no one that I believe can bring a better life to the Iraqis. All the promises that these people claim to bring to Iraq are false. They entered the election race to satisfy their own egos. Their own egos and their own needs. I gave my voice a few years ago, but it was never heard. I lifted my purpe finger with pride, but it got broken. I had hopes, and big dreams, but now, now I no longer dream of a better Iraq. I may hope for a better Iraq, not for my sake, but for the Iraqi people's sake, but to dream it?No. I cant.
Yes Baba, I know you dont agree with me. I know that you always had hope. BIG hope. And thats what makes you a great man. You never give up. Even on your hospital bed, a few days before you were gone, you were so upset and angry by the bombings that took place in Baghdad. I was shocked. There we were, worried about you, and yet, you werent worried about yourself, but worried about your countrymen instead. Baba, there is no honest man out there, believe me. Their words stopped meaning anything to me. For I know, I know that the Iraq you have known will never come back. Not now, not in my children's lifetime, not ever. And no, Im not being a pessimist as you used to call me, but a realist.
Many people are calling this a historical moment. What history? Are we gonna call every election a historical moment?Thats something I dont understand. What kind of history are they making. What will my little ones read when they grow up?Iraq, the Shattered Dream? Hundreds of thousands of people are risking their lives because of Hope. And maybe Hope is the only thing they have right now. But for me this is nothing but a repeat of a definite failure. Sorry Baba, I dont want to upset you, but you always told us to speak our minds, and this is exactly whats on my mind.
I spent my day instead sniffing my boys' sweet feet, an addiction that I cant get enough of, for they have such yummy feet Baba. Speaking of the boys, they are growing so fast. I can tell already that they will be cheeky little munchkins. And Baba they are total opposites of each other in every way possible. From looks to behaviour to habbits, it just amazes me how can these two come from the same two people. There is one thing and one thing only they have in common though.
One day as I was playing with one of them, I could tell he was mesmerised by something. I look, and out of all the photos on that table, he was staring at yours. Staring and smiling. The exact same thing happened with his brother.Yes, can you believe it?It took me by a total surprise. So now, whenever they look at you, I say yes, yes this is your Jiddo, your amazing Jiddo. I dont want their first words to be mama or baba or even dada. No, I want their first word to be Jiddo. What do you say?
Offffffff ya baba, how much I miss you. Yella come back, come back, your grandsons are waiting for you. Your grandsons are waiting to hear that deep laughter of yours, are waiting for their Jiddo to play with them. Yella come on, this trip of yours is taking too long. Way too long. Nevertheless I hope youre enjoying the Journey. The Blissful Eternal Journey...
February 25, 2010
My Guardian Angel....
To the sun that brightened my days
To the moon that calmed my nights
To my dearest beloved Baba
I do apologize for not writing to you in so long, I know, I know that I have promised to write everyday, but everytime I hold that pen and flip that page, I realize that I have so much to tell you, yet the words never come out. Its been a tough six months Baba, very tough. Since you left life has just become so bitter, bitter and dull. All of us became like robots, trying to go on with our daily lives, but in reality a huge chunk of our hearts died with you.
Im not sure where to start Baba. What do I tell you about my life?Your grandsons were born on the 1st of Oct, just six weeks after you were gone. Aaaaakh if only you waited. If only god gave you a few more weeks, but what can I say. For I have been very angry with God, so angry that at times I just felt faithless. He took away the one person in this world that truly loved me, the one person in this world that truly cared for me, so why should I love him back? Why should I be that faithful slave, WHY? But then again Im far too weak to stay faithless, for God did bless me with you and my 2 beautiful boys.
You cant believe Baba how one of them is such a photocopy of you. He has your sparkling blue eyes (the only grandchild who managed it), he has your fair skin. He even has that smile of yours, and you know what, we actually named him after you. Yes I know, I had another name for him, but once you passed, I did not hesitate one bit that one of my boys will have your name. And he was the lucky one. Oh Baba, if only you can see them. There are times where I imagine you sitting with me in the room while I play with them, and you'd be talking to them, scaring them with your deep voice like you used to with the other grandkids. Id start laughing so much until my tears become that of sadness. Oh how I wish you were here.
You will be proud of me Baba, very proud. I have endured situations where I would never have thought I can. But I did. Everytime I want to give up, I feel that light pat on my shoulder, the one that tells me, all will be ok, just be patient. And aaaaah what patience do I really have. Im sure if it was someone else in my place, they would have definitely given up a long long time ago. Two weeks after I delivered, Mama discovered she was very ill and had to leave for treatment. Once my siblings and I found out the news, we just went numb. How could this happen?First you, and now Mama. Now you see why I was faithless for awhile. Can you blame me Baba?
The slight happiness that my boys brought to our lives was again gone. But Il hamdilla, things are ok now, as you already know. For you came in my dream to welcome Mama back home. I loved seeing you and felt your extreme relief for her return to her own place. I wonder, do my kids see you when they sleep? Is it you that make them giggle uncontrollably and once you wave goodbye they start crying inconsolably?Im sure its you, It must be you.
People kept soothing me, time is the best healer they said. Funny enough, as the days pass, the yearning for you becomes even more and more. And who told those people I want to be healed?I never want to be healed from your pain.How dare they even suggest a thing like that. I dont want time to pass by, no I dont. I convinced myself that you are on a very long business trip and that you will be coming back any time. Any time now, you will open that door and come and say hi to me and the kids. You will love them for sure. For they are such smart cookies Baba. But oh what a handful. Im exhausted, Im exhausted and drained both physically and mentally.
One of the boys (surprisingly the one named after you) has so many problems. One of them is reflux, and a few times he actually choked to the point he turned blue and stopped breathing. Baba, I thought I was gonna lose him, lose him for good. You cant imagine the fear I was living in, and still live in for that guy. I just wish that this is just a short phase he is going through.
I have so much more to tell you, but I think I will keep it for another day. And Baba, before I leave you in peace, I want to let you know, that I truly love you and miss you and want you back. I want you back so badly, you were my backbone, you were the only person in this whole universe that I could rely on and you were the only person in this whole universe that understood me. Im sorry, very sorry for all the pain I have caused you, and all the heartache that my immature self had bestowed on you many many years back...Baba you are my angel. My Guardian Angel...
September 12, 2009
A Heavenly Peace...
Yes its been long. Very long. But tragedy has hit home. When I was in my twenties, I had vowed to never go to a funeral or a gathering of women mourning. NEVER. My heart couldnt take it after witnessing my fifty year old cousin pass away. Yet 3 weeks ago I see myself in the middle of it all. Three weeks ago, I was the one wailing. The one pulling my hair. Three weeks ago, I was the one falling to the ground begging people to bring my father back. Back to me. On the 21st of Aug my father passed. Passed to the other world.
As I write these words, my heart wrenches for him. My heart aches for him. Aches for his touch, for his beautiful luminous smile. Aches for his soothing words. My heart aches for his eyes, his deep blue sea eyes. The love of my life is gone. GONE. Yet my mind still doesnt want to believe it. I honestly dont believe that I will never see him again. I dont believe that his index finger will never circle my swelling belly again. I dont believe that he will never hug me, will never squish me between his arms. I dont believe that he wont meet my babies. The babies that he was so eager to meet, to hold, to touch, to play with. My dad left us but I know he fought really hard to stay for us.
Till this day we dont know what exactly happened. He was diagnosed with advanced cancer back in late June. And in less than 2 months he was gone. Some doctors said he was doing very well, others said he only had a few weeks. A FEW WEEKS starting from end of Aug. WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FEW WEEKS!!!WHERE??? We know something went wrong somewhere. We know it in our hearts. They did a mistake, and my dad was the victim. I have so much anger inside, so much hatred towards these ignorant doctors. But whats the point. It will never bring my father back. It will never heal our bleeding hearts. NEVER.
Yes I vowed a long time ago, yet here I am, in the middle of all of this, wailing, begging strangers to bring my dad back. We visited him a few times, and every time I go, I cant believe how can such a strong man end up under the ground, under the ground with the scorching sun above him, and the ants crawling all over. HOW?How and Why?It was his birthday on the 9th. We took a cake, sang for him Happy Birthday, but as I started to say the words Happy, my voice cracked and my tears kept flowing over the dirt. I couldnt continue. I just couldnt. I so wanted my dad to be the one singing with us, I so wanted him to blow his own candles.
At night I stay awake thinking, if only he waited. If only he waited a few more weeks. If only he waited to see my babies. My babies that are due soon. If Only...Who is gonna pamper them now? Who is gonna tease them? Oh how much I miss my dad. How much I crave for his tenderness. For his vision. His vision of a better Iraq. A unified Iraq. As we were going through his papers, we found so many charities he was giving to, so many donations he had made, yet he never ever uttered a word. So many families he helped, so many children he fed and paid for their education. How can we live upto such a man. How can we be like him? But I know that its our duty to continue his legacy. Its our responsibility to continue in his footsteps.
Dad, you are always here, here with us. Here in our hearts, our hearts and minds. I know you will be there smiling over me, smiling over me, when Im having your grandsons. I know you will bless them with your kindness. Yes dad, I will be waiting for you. Waiting for your scent to pass by me, by us just like it did the other day. I know you are here. And I know you are in heaven. Rest in Peace...A Heavenly Peace...
As I write these words, my heart wrenches for him. My heart aches for him. Aches for his touch, for his beautiful luminous smile. Aches for his soothing words. My heart aches for his eyes, his deep blue sea eyes. The love of my life is gone. GONE. Yet my mind still doesnt want to believe it. I honestly dont believe that I will never see him again. I dont believe that his index finger will never circle my swelling belly again. I dont believe that he will never hug me, will never squish me between his arms. I dont believe that he wont meet my babies. The babies that he was so eager to meet, to hold, to touch, to play with. My dad left us but I know he fought really hard to stay for us.
Till this day we dont know what exactly happened. He was diagnosed with advanced cancer back in late June. And in less than 2 months he was gone. Some doctors said he was doing very well, others said he only had a few weeks. A FEW WEEKS starting from end of Aug. WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FEW WEEKS!!!WHERE??? We know something went wrong somewhere. We know it in our hearts. They did a mistake, and my dad was the victim. I have so much anger inside, so much hatred towards these ignorant doctors. But whats the point. It will never bring my father back. It will never heal our bleeding hearts. NEVER.
Yes I vowed a long time ago, yet here I am, in the middle of all of this, wailing, begging strangers to bring my dad back. We visited him a few times, and every time I go, I cant believe how can such a strong man end up under the ground, under the ground with the scorching sun above him, and the ants crawling all over. HOW?How and Why?It was his birthday on the 9th. We took a cake, sang for him Happy Birthday, but as I started to say the words Happy, my voice cracked and my tears kept flowing over the dirt. I couldnt continue. I just couldnt. I so wanted my dad to be the one singing with us, I so wanted him to blow his own candles.
At night I stay awake thinking, if only he waited. If only he waited a few more weeks. If only he waited to see my babies. My babies that are due soon. If Only...Who is gonna pamper them now? Who is gonna tease them? Oh how much I miss my dad. How much I crave for his tenderness. For his vision. His vision of a better Iraq. A unified Iraq. As we were going through his papers, we found so many charities he was giving to, so many donations he had made, yet he never ever uttered a word. So many families he helped, so many children he fed and paid for their education. How can we live upto such a man. How can we be like him? But I know that its our duty to continue his legacy. Its our responsibility to continue in his footsteps.
Dad, you are always here, here with us. Here in our hearts, our hearts and minds. I know you will be there smiling over me, smiling over me, when Im having your grandsons. I know you will bless them with your kindness. Yes dad, I will be waiting for you. Waiting for your scent to pass by me, by us just like it did the other day. I know you are here. And I know you are in heaven. Rest in Peace...A Heavenly Peace...
May 08, 2009
The Neurotic Iraqi Mom...
The cries of that lady startled me. I so wanted to go and talk to her. Talk to her and tell her all is gonna be ok. All is gonna be fine, but I just couldnt. I couldnt move. I was stuck. Stuck on that hard bed wired to that heavy IV drip. I couldnt muster the energy. I looked around me and I too began to cry. I was lying there immobile, in that morbid place, ALONE. Separating us was a curtain. A dull patterned curtain. Everything in that place smelt sterile, felt sterile. How many cries did these walls witness. How many whimpers did these curtains see.
I touched my belly ever so softly, "tell me youre gonna be just fine" I whispered. I repeated the words but this time with urgency, "Please tell me youre gonna be fine" I begged. But I know theyre fighters. Theyre my fighters. Theyre fighters just like their mom. I prayed for I dont know how long until I guess I dozed off. Then the mobile rang. I woke up with a jolt, Its HUBBY. Oh how I wished he was here with me, with us.
I wanted time to pass. I wanted to get out of there. Whenever they brought in those food trays I just pushed it away. I didnt feel like eating. But then I remembered. Its not just me now. I have 2 more mouths to feed. Theyve probably been traumatized as well. So I picked on those boiled carrots and shoved them in my mouth. Then I took a bite from that piece of broiled fish. I wanted to spit it out so badly, but I chewed it so fast and gulped it down. Its not just me now. I have two more mouths to feed, I reminded myself.
They day I was released was like a dream. Wow, I can actually see the daylight. I can see the sun. No more pale dull curtains isolating me from the world. No more painful IV tubes stuck in my veins. No more lonely cries. The relief, the relief I tell you is beyond any I have known. At the same time, the worry is still there. "You have a high risk pregnancy" Words that keep resonating in my ears. "You can lose them anytime" Ughhh I so despise these words. I so despise the constant fear Im in. But again, I know. I know theyre fighters. I know that God is watching over them. God is guarding them.
And no this isnt just a story Im telling, nor a dream. Nor is it a nightmare that my subconsious mind has made up. This is a reality. Here I am sitting typing this post, and looking at my cute rounded belly. And yes it is cute, for I never thought EVER after all these years of dreaming, of hoping, that I will finally have my own children. My own beautiful kids. And yes, inside there is not just one, but two. Two little munchkins waiting for their time to come to be released into this world, into my arms. And my arms are so ready to have them, to hold them, to embrace them.
Im no longer just a wife. The Neurotic Iraqi Wife. Im now a Mom. The Neurotic Iraqi Mom....
I touched my belly ever so softly, "tell me youre gonna be just fine" I whispered. I repeated the words but this time with urgency, "Please tell me youre gonna be fine" I begged. But I know theyre fighters. Theyre my fighters. Theyre fighters just like their mom. I prayed for I dont know how long until I guess I dozed off. Then the mobile rang. I woke up with a jolt, Its HUBBY. Oh how I wished he was here with me, with us.
I wanted time to pass. I wanted to get out of there. Whenever they brought in those food trays I just pushed it away. I didnt feel like eating. But then I remembered. Its not just me now. I have 2 more mouths to feed. Theyve probably been traumatized as well. So I picked on those boiled carrots and shoved them in my mouth. Then I took a bite from that piece of broiled fish. I wanted to spit it out so badly, but I chewed it so fast and gulped it down. Its not just me now. I have two more mouths to feed, I reminded myself.
They day I was released was like a dream. Wow, I can actually see the daylight. I can see the sun. No more pale dull curtains isolating me from the world. No more painful IV tubes stuck in my veins. No more lonely cries. The relief, the relief I tell you is beyond any I have known. At the same time, the worry is still there. "You have a high risk pregnancy" Words that keep resonating in my ears. "You can lose them anytime" Ughhh I so despise these words. I so despise the constant fear Im in. But again, I know. I know theyre fighters. I know that God is watching over them. God is guarding them.
And no this isnt just a story Im telling, nor a dream. Nor is it a nightmare that my subconsious mind has made up. This is a reality. Here I am sitting typing this post, and looking at my cute rounded belly. And yes it is cute, for I never thought EVER after all these years of dreaming, of hoping, that I will finally have my own children. My own beautiful kids. And yes, inside there is not just one, but two. Two little munchkins waiting for their time to come to be released into this world, into my arms. And my arms are so ready to have them, to hold them, to embrace them.
Im no longer just a wife. The Neurotic Iraqi Wife. Im now a Mom. The Neurotic Iraqi Mom....
March 26, 2009
The Best All Around Soldier...
Wow, its been ages hasn’t it!!! I do apologize to all my loyal readers, never thought I’d find so many comments, cant even catch up. Did not think I would be missed, its nice to know, thank you! Don’t worry I havent died yet, lol.
Well I did get my eye back, and managed to squirm away from an operation that the Dr wanted to carry out on me. There was no way in hell I would allow a scalpel near my eye. I know Im crazy, but umm not THAT crazy. So here I am disobeying doctor’s orders and wearing my lenses again. I think the infection or whatever I had subsided and I no longer have the valkyrie eye, yaaaaaaaaaaay.
So what happened in the last 2 months. Lets see, nothing too interesting. People mentioned the octo mum, and actually I was enthralled with that story. Not sure how I feel about it but I was shocked to see how she was attacked by the public. Cmon, if someone wants a big family then let it be. Whats the big deal? I have read so much about IVF, and the chances of all embryos implanted turning into babies is really slim, she took the chance, and she was lucky enough to have what she wanted. So don’t give her slack.
I don’t remember anyone giving our forefathers slack when they had 10 or 11 kids. Almost all the old families in Iraq had over 10 or 11 children, never once did I hear my mom tell me that authorities got involved with them, or people were angered, so why this? Is it because much of the money will come from tax payers money? Hell, its better to pay for new lives, than paying for all the darn wars and the millions of children that got killed in them, don’t you agree? That’s just my 2 pence on this.
As for my own personal life, going to Doctors has become the norm. Having blood tests done and check ups became part of my daily life, isn’t it fun? Ofcourse everytime I go in to have my blood drawn, I have my cliché words ready “Hi, Im scared from needles, can you please be gentle and use the butterfly needle” One guy, just didn’t seem to understand these words, he simply threw the needle like a dart right in my vein. OH MY GOD. I was soooooooo going to kill him. I still remember his name, marlow. Thank god HUBBY was with me, or else I would have stuck that needle in his eye! I felt my eyes welling up, the a******. Ughhhh
Apart from my medical issues which aren’t really life threatening, Im doing fine. Needed to take a break from many things including blogging. I felt I was sounding like an old broken record with all my ailments taking place, infact I sounded like an old hag and Im only 34!!! As for Iraqi news, I stopped watching it and reading about it. Ever since I saw the result of the elections which were so predictable, I gave up. I dislike the govt, and will never change my mind. But a new phenomena is taking place due to the improved security.
Many Iraqis from all over the world, who havent been to Iraq yet, have started this strange exodus back. I don’t mean moving back there, but just going and visiting. A few relatives of mine have gone back and thought Baghdad was just amazing. They loved every minute of their 2 week stay. A woman who lived in California for almost all her life visited Najaf and called it the Paris of the Middle east. Umm, not sure how can Najaf one of the holiest cities in the world be compared to Paris, but those were her own words. How can women in abbayas be compared to women in mini joup? Maybe too much excitement just disillusioned her.
Many of those who are going back have been suffering from the horrid economical crisis and are there to sell off whatever they have there. You can still get millions of dollars for land and properties, so it’s a good savior if you are in desperate need. My own father refuses to sell anything. He says he wants to keep his ties in his country. Umm, what ties dad? We barely have anyone left there. But I guess for my dad it’s a different story. His land was inherited from his own father, and I think by selling he feels he is betraying that trust.
The economic crisis has finally hit AD. Ofcourse no media is allowed to mention it, and the govt keeps calming people down by telling them everything is ok. Everything is NOT ok. In Dubai they already have let go of so many expats, and from what my friend tells me, the streets aren’t as busy as they used to be. The malls are empty and real estate prices have gone so low, people who have cash to play with are taking the opportunity, while those who were caught up with the buying fever last year, are stuck with no means of repaying back and have no choice but to sell real low or just wait it out. Others have left long ago, leaving behind their newly purchased cars that they cant payback at the airport parking. Its so so sad.
As for AD, its catching up. Many are being let go and are waiting for the schools to end so they can leave. Property prices are still high in AD, and everyone is waiting for the summer, rumour has it rents will also go down drastically so everyone is waiting for that moment. I thank god that I still have my job. My boss did me an amazing favour, and I am ever so grateful.
I did get an email from one of my bosses in Baghdad asking me to go over there for a few weeks, but I refused. Maybe if this was back in Dec or Jan I would have gone, but now things have changed, and with all my medical mishaps Id rather be in a place where they can tend to me, there is no way Im taking that chance. What a pity though, would have loved to go back and see my friends and coworkers for I still do miss a few of them. But major changes are also taking place over there.
The buildings we are in which are based in the GZ are now going back to the Iraqi Govt. Everyone needs to be evacuated and gone to some base by the next coming months. I got an email saying that many will be forced to stay in trailers shared with 2 others, plus there isn’t going to be the luxury of having ones bathroom, instead its going to be a communal one. YUCK. Thank god I left when I did. First off, there is no way Id share a room with anyone, secondly, there is no way in hell Id use a bathroom that’s been used by 30 or 50 others. NO WAY! Yeah call me spoilt, but that’s just me.
On a final note, do you guys remember the “vibrator” girl I once wrote about? (Sorry have to find the link of that post) Well, she has been in the States for over a year now after getting her special immigration visa. I got an email from a frined of mine that said : Hey guys...remember L??? She has joined the Army and will be going back to Iraq as an interpreter. I heard she graduated from Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Jackson, SC and was awarded as "The Best All Around Soldier."
Wow, isn’t that great news? She used to be one of those lost souls who just couldn’t feel free in her own country. Was harassed by her countrymen and threatened by the militia. Her family boycotted her because she was working in the GZ, yet harassed her with phonecalls to pay them money. Ughhh. Im so happy for her. Here’s to L, L, The Best All Around Soldier!
Well I did get my eye back, and managed to squirm away from an operation that the Dr wanted to carry out on me. There was no way in hell I would allow a scalpel near my eye. I know Im crazy, but umm not THAT crazy. So here I am disobeying doctor’s orders and wearing my lenses again. I think the infection or whatever I had subsided and I no longer have the valkyrie eye, yaaaaaaaaaaay.
So what happened in the last 2 months. Lets see, nothing too interesting. People mentioned the octo mum, and actually I was enthralled with that story. Not sure how I feel about it but I was shocked to see how she was attacked by the public. Cmon, if someone wants a big family then let it be. Whats the big deal? I have read so much about IVF, and the chances of all embryos implanted turning into babies is really slim, she took the chance, and she was lucky enough to have what she wanted. So don’t give her slack.
I don’t remember anyone giving our forefathers slack when they had 10 or 11 kids. Almost all the old families in Iraq had over 10 or 11 children, never once did I hear my mom tell me that authorities got involved with them, or people were angered, so why this? Is it because much of the money will come from tax payers money? Hell, its better to pay for new lives, than paying for all the darn wars and the millions of children that got killed in them, don’t you agree? That’s just my 2 pence on this.
As for my own personal life, going to Doctors has become the norm. Having blood tests done and check ups became part of my daily life, isn’t it fun? Ofcourse everytime I go in to have my blood drawn, I have my cliché words ready “Hi, Im scared from needles, can you please be gentle and use the butterfly needle” One guy, just didn’t seem to understand these words, he simply threw the needle like a dart right in my vein. OH MY GOD. I was soooooooo going to kill him. I still remember his name, marlow. Thank god HUBBY was with me, or else I would have stuck that needle in his eye! I felt my eyes welling up, the a******. Ughhhh
Apart from my medical issues which aren’t really life threatening, Im doing fine. Needed to take a break from many things including blogging. I felt I was sounding like an old broken record with all my ailments taking place, infact I sounded like an old hag and Im only 34!!! As for Iraqi news, I stopped watching it and reading about it. Ever since I saw the result of the elections which were so predictable, I gave up. I dislike the govt, and will never change my mind. But a new phenomena is taking place due to the improved security.
Many Iraqis from all over the world, who havent been to Iraq yet, have started this strange exodus back. I don’t mean moving back there, but just going and visiting. A few relatives of mine have gone back and thought Baghdad was just amazing. They loved every minute of their 2 week stay. A woman who lived in California for almost all her life visited Najaf and called it the Paris of the Middle east. Umm, not sure how can Najaf one of the holiest cities in the world be compared to Paris, but those were her own words. How can women in abbayas be compared to women in mini joup? Maybe too much excitement just disillusioned her.
Many of those who are going back have been suffering from the horrid economical crisis and are there to sell off whatever they have there. You can still get millions of dollars for land and properties, so it’s a good savior if you are in desperate need. My own father refuses to sell anything. He says he wants to keep his ties in his country. Umm, what ties dad? We barely have anyone left there. But I guess for my dad it’s a different story. His land was inherited from his own father, and I think by selling he feels he is betraying that trust.
The economic crisis has finally hit AD. Ofcourse no media is allowed to mention it, and the govt keeps calming people down by telling them everything is ok. Everything is NOT ok. In Dubai they already have let go of so many expats, and from what my friend tells me, the streets aren’t as busy as they used to be. The malls are empty and real estate prices have gone so low, people who have cash to play with are taking the opportunity, while those who were caught up with the buying fever last year, are stuck with no means of repaying back and have no choice but to sell real low or just wait it out. Others have left long ago, leaving behind their newly purchased cars that they cant payback at the airport parking. Its so so sad.
As for AD, its catching up. Many are being let go and are waiting for the schools to end so they can leave. Property prices are still high in AD, and everyone is waiting for the summer, rumour has it rents will also go down drastically so everyone is waiting for that moment. I thank god that I still have my job. My boss did me an amazing favour, and I am ever so grateful.
I did get an email from one of my bosses in Baghdad asking me to go over there for a few weeks, but I refused. Maybe if this was back in Dec or Jan I would have gone, but now things have changed, and with all my medical mishaps Id rather be in a place where they can tend to me, there is no way Im taking that chance. What a pity though, would have loved to go back and see my friends and coworkers for I still do miss a few of them. But major changes are also taking place over there.
The buildings we are in which are based in the GZ are now going back to the Iraqi Govt. Everyone needs to be evacuated and gone to some base by the next coming months. I got an email saying that many will be forced to stay in trailers shared with 2 others, plus there isn’t going to be the luxury of having ones bathroom, instead its going to be a communal one. YUCK. Thank god I left when I did. First off, there is no way Id share a room with anyone, secondly, there is no way in hell Id use a bathroom that’s been used by 30 or 50 others. NO WAY! Yeah call me spoilt, but that’s just me.
On a final note, do you guys remember the “vibrator” girl I once wrote about? (Sorry have to find the link of that post) Well, she has been in the States for over a year now after getting her special immigration visa. I got an email from a frined of mine that said : Hey guys...remember L??? She has joined the Army and will be going back to Iraq as an interpreter. I heard she graduated from Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Jackson, SC and was awarded as "The Best All Around Soldier."
Wow, isn’t that great news? She used to be one of those lost souls who just couldn’t feel free in her own country. Was harassed by her countrymen and threatened by the militia. Her family boycotted her because she was working in the GZ, yet harassed her with phonecalls to pay them money. Ughhh. Im so happy for her. Here’s to L, L, The Best All Around Soldier!
January 26, 2009
The Valkyrie Eye…
Im taking a break from politics, hence look elsewhere for juicy stuff. Right now Im typing and reading with one eye. Yup one eye. I feel like Im taking Tom Cruise’s part in his latest movie Valkyrie sans the black eye patch. I still don’t know what the optician called it, but umm the minute he stared at my eyes through his machine, the first words he uttered were “OH SHIT” I mean how professional can one be.
I sat there with my chin sticking out flickering my eyes. “What is it Dr? Is it THAT bad?” He didn’t even bother replying, instead he ushered my HUBBY and asked him to take a look. Hmmm, is this some kinda male conspiracy? HELLOOOOO this is my eye youre staring at, and I need to know. My HUBBY was far more polite and instead of the “Oh shit” he was like “Oh wow”. Ok great, thanks for making me feel at ease.
After that fiasco I was told that I had an extreme phase of some kinda contact lens infection, had I waited one more day, I woulda gone blind (Doctor’s exact words). Hmmm, that’s extremely re-assuring Dr. That’s what I love about Middle Eastern Doctors, they have such a way with words, it truly amazes me.
So yeah right now Im on killer antibiotics and some weird gel that I have to stick in my eye every five hours. Wooohoooo. Oh and to top it all off, I cant wear my contacts for weeks to come, thank god I have trendy glasses on. All this got me thinking. Ever since I left Baghdad things have gone down hill. Hmmm, maybe I should think of going back. Actually there’s something that is kinda worrying me, and relaying it here will probably make people think Im crazy. Did I say Crazy? Whats new, I am Neurotic after all. So here goes.
Ever since I was young and even now, everytime I had my coffee cup read, I was told I had evil eyes (il 3ain) on me. Hence my obsession with wearing the evil eye to ward off any evil. I wear a bunch of bracelates with cute coloured eye crystals, I wear a choker like necklace that my eldest sister gave me on my birthday, I have a blue stone along with the word Allah dangling from my watch, everything I can find with the eye on it, I just use it. On our last trip to Turkey, I bought a cute ceramic fridge magnet, yup an eye. It lasted on the fridge four months, UNTIL. Until the day before I traveled to Amman. Out of the blue without even touching the fridge, the eye fell and broke in two halves!!! Can you believe this shit? I just stood there, my mouth agape, staring at the broken pieces in disbelief.
I freaked out. Freaked out big time and called both my mom and my sister. You see, evil eyes and envy is written in our Quran and some hadiths and I really do believe in it. My mom and sis freaked out as well, lol. Didn’t really make things easier on me, as I wanted them to say positive stuff. My mom, the pious woman she is, asked me to recite a specific verse many times and hope for the best. This is exactly what I did and I forgot about the whole thing.
But with all the mis-haps that’s taking place with me right now, my operation (long story, some other time), my blasting headaches, my eye infection, my hair going all weird on me, all within a month from the eye breaking, I do believe that someone, somewhere is casting the evil eye spell on me. My question is, why? Why me? Theres nothing to envy me about. Nothing to be jealous from. A BIG FAT NOTHING. Ughhhhh
Sorry, just needed to vent as HUBBY doesn’t believe in this stuff. He thinks Im crazy and that I take things into extremes. Umm HUBBY, Im sorry, but an eye breaking out of the blue is no joke. I did google it though second it happened (Don’t you just love Google). Some articles said that an eye breaking means it did all it can do to ward off the evil. Oh great. What about the rest of the evil? Now what?
Oh well, evil or no evil, for now, I just have one functioning eye :(, The Valkyrie Eye…
I sat there with my chin sticking out flickering my eyes. “What is it Dr? Is it THAT bad?” He didn’t even bother replying, instead he ushered my HUBBY and asked him to take a look. Hmmm, is this some kinda male conspiracy? HELLOOOOO this is my eye youre staring at, and I need to know. My HUBBY was far more polite and instead of the “Oh shit” he was like “Oh wow”. Ok great, thanks for making me feel at ease.
After that fiasco I was told that I had an extreme phase of some kinda contact lens infection, had I waited one more day, I woulda gone blind (Doctor’s exact words). Hmmm, that’s extremely re-assuring Dr. That’s what I love about Middle Eastern Doctors, they have such a way with words, it truly amazes me.
So yeah right now Im on killer antibiotics and some weird gel that I have to stick in my eye every five hours. Wooohoooo. Oh and to top it all off, I cant wear my contacts for weeks to come, thank god I have trendy glasses on. All this got me thinking. Ever since I left Baghdad things have gone down hill. Hmmm, maybe I should think of going back. Actually there’s something that is kinda worrying me, and relaying it here will probably make people think Im crazy. Did I say Crazy? Whats new, I am Neurotic after all. So here goes.
Ever since I was young and even now, everytime I had my coffee cup read, I was told I had evil eyes (il 3ain) on me. Hence my obsession with wearing the evil eye to ward off any evil. I wear a bunch of bracelates with cute coloured eye crystals, I wear a choker like necklace that my eldest sister gave me on my birthday, I have a blue stone along with the word Allah dangling from my watch, everything I can find with the eye on it, I just use it. On our last trip to Turkey, I bought a cute ceramic fridge magnet, yup an eye. It lasted on the fridge four months, UNTIL. Until the day before I traveled to Amman. Out of the blue without even touching the fridge, the eye fell and broke in two halves!!! Can you believe this shit? I just stood there, my mouth agape, staring at the broken pieces in disbelief.
I freaked out. Freaked out big time and called both my mom and my sister. You see, evil eyes and envy is written in our Quran and some hadiths and I really do believe in it. My mom and sis freaked out as well, lol. Didn’t really make things easier on me, as I wanted them to say positive stuff. My mom, the pious woman she is, asked me to recite a specific verse many times and hope for the best. This is exactly what I did and I forgot about the whole thing.
But with all the mis-haps that’s taking place with me right now, my operation (long story, some other time), my blasting headaches, my eye infection, my hair going all weird on me, all within a month from the eye breaking, I do believe that someone, somewhere is casting the evil eye spell on me. My question is, why? Why me? Theres nothing to envy me about. Nothing to be jealous from. A BIG FAT NOTHING. Ughhhhh
Sorry, just needed to vent as HUBBY doesn’t believe in this stuff. He thinks Im crazy and that I take things into extremes. Umm HUBBY, Im sorry, but an eye breaking out of the blue is no joke. I did google it though second it happened (Don’t you just love Google). Some articles said that an eye breaking means it did all it can do to ward off the evil. Oh great. What about the rest of the evil? Now what?
Oh well, evil or no evil, for now, I just have one functioning eye :(, The Valkyrie Eye…
January 20, 2009
An Obama Day...
Yes, Im watching it. Isnt it amazing. I was bummed out when he stammered on his oath. Funny enough just before he started repeating the oath, I turned to HUBBY and said, watch how perfect he will say the words, he probably trained for this day a million times. Ummm, I guess I was wrong and HUBBY just rolled his eyes... :)
The speech though was just amazing. I liked it and dont really care what others might think. Im sure today many Americans are really proud to be Americans. About time too. On my personal facebook, many of my Iraqi ex-Coworkers who got their special Immigration Visas and have long been settled in the US, set their statuses a few days ago by thanking Bush for the life changing opportunity. Others though had "Hoping Obama will bring sunshine back to Iraq" on theirs.
Yeah I guess many are hopeful while others arent too optimistic. Im just keeping my fingers crossed. Lets see what he will bring on. I chatted with a few of my work colleagues back in Iraq. I was told many changes are taking place at work, and there are plans for many to leave and work on reachback just like me with one exception, they will have an office to work from and not imprisoned in a flat 24/7. Im not so sure how long they will keep me doing what Im doing. I think my time will be up pretty soon. Are the changes a direct result of Obama winning?
Oh and me being the financial analyst that I am, decided to give HUBBY some advice and said, "hey HUBBY, why dont you buy some shares, I bet you on inaugaration day everything will go green" Umm, just an hour ago he told me he is down big time. Oooooops, hehe. I guess I may have to take my masters degree again. Atleast he was smiling when he said it, someone else would have probably strangled me. But it did seem logical for shares to go up wonder why it didnt...Does anyone know?
I better get going, I dont feel like writing a long post today. I wanna continue watching Obama and just enjoy the scenes afore me. Today is a nice day. An Obama Day...
The speech though was just amazing. I liked it and dont really care what others might think. Im sure today many Americans are really proud to be Americans. About time too. On my personal facebook, many of my Iraqi ex-Coworkers who got their special Immigration Visas and have long been settled in the US, set their statuses a few days ago by thanking Bush for the life changing opportunity. Others though had "Hoping Obama will bring sunshine back to Iraq" on theirs.
Yeah I guess many are hopeful while others arent too optimistic. Im just keeping my fingers crossed. Lets see what he will bring on. I chatted with a few of my work colleagues back in Iraq. I was told many changes are taking place at work, and there are plans for many to leave and work on reachback just like me with one exception, they will have an office to work from and not imprisoned in a flat 24/7. Im not so sure how long they will keep me doing what Im doing. I think my time will be up pretty soon. Are the changes a direct result of Obama winning?
Oh and me being the financial analyst that I am, decided to give HUBBY some advice and said, "hey HUBBY, why dont you buy some shares, I bet you on inaugaration day everything will go green" Umm, just an hour ago he told me he is down big time. Oooooops, hehe. I guess I may have to take my masters degree again. Atleast he was smiling when he said it, someone else would have probably strangled me. But it did seem logical for shares to go up wonder why it didnt...Does anyone know?
I better get going, I dont feel like writing a long post today. I wanna continue watching Obama and just enjoy the scenes afore me. Today is a nice day. An Obama Day...
