Kara till now ...

Let me admit; like every other social science/liberal arts graduate, I am guilty of being fond of Indie films and obscure foreign cinema. Well everything in Pakistan is foreign cinema because we do not really produce any films so to speak, but by foreign films, I meant European, Latin American and Far Eastern films. Foreign cinema and Indie films make me feel special on many counts; for one, after auditing a couple of courses in visual anthropology at university and my brief stint as a television producer has me convinced that I have a film maker inside me and Indie flicks give me hope that one day, I may make it as a film maker. Secondly, they make me look/sound/appear to be sophisticated/cosmopolitan citizen of the world who can appreciate cinematic gems from across the globe.

As a result, I am one of those people who throng any film festival that happen to take place in their vicinity because film festivals are the places that show case odd ball comedies, gritty documentaries and quirky short films. To feed into my desire for the odd and wonderful, I am known to have braved a cold night at the train station at Düsseldorf to go attend Berlin Film Festival in 2005, managed to go to Glasgow film festival when my master’s dissertation was due and coaxed my boss to grant me a few days off so that I can attend the Dubai film festival last year. So it is but natural that I am a Kara Film Festival veteran as it happens to take place in my very own city – Karachi.

This year, Kara took place after a year’s gap and has been a sort of let down, at least on the local front. I am mostly interested in short films and documentaries and have seen a few really good ones such as Coffee & Allah, The Quiet Man, The Lost Lovers, Small Boxes and Shanti Plus to name a few. But the Pakistani shorts and documentaries I have seen so far left a lot to be desired. With the sole exception of Kiss of Life by Wayla Kayla Productions (A production of NCA students), the others are nothing to speak about. Two particularly bad films stood out the most. One was a short called Paint by Saba Khan which was trying to link real images with paintings. The quality of production was really bad with shoddy camera work and poor editing. The other film was beyond bad. It was titled Tumhara Zikr by Shahlalae Jamil. It looked as if someone had given a handy cam to a five year old and then grabbed the kid and started running. The result was out of focus and jarring cinematography. The camera moved so much that it actually gave me a headache. She captured images of all the old ladies in her family, he maid, her dogs, a few ladies praying with their prayer mats on beds, a dholki in the family, her dogs again, a few shrines. a couple of car rides to shrines, a man in kurta, a torn book in no particular order. To add insult to injury, she did not even bother to edit them to some coherence. The sound quality was really bad with background Sufi music over riding the voice over. After the film was over, just about everyone was badmouthing the film.

Initially I thought the film was made by some kid who wanted an experiment in vague film making and is related to someone influential in the film festival. I later found out that the director is a trained film maker and teaches film making at the department of Visual Studies at Karachi University (I feel really bad for her students). What stunned me most was the audacity of the festival organizers to showcase that film but also the audacity of the film maker to actually own that headache inducing sloppy piece of film making and put her name in the biggest possible font in the end credits. Kara needs to get its act together, seriously.



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You

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You are the authority, you are the culture, you are the past.

You are a postmodernist masterpiece of nature - the greatest artist of the universe!




PS: These are not my words.




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Of weddings and new(er) insults

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During the December Shadi (wedding) season, something strange happened. Quite a few people asked me about my academic qualifications, which I believe is totally unsuitable a topic of conversation at weddings. At weddings, you are supposed to ask extremely inappropriate questions with impunity. For instance, you may ask single people if they are getting married any time soon, if they have no such plans, you tell them to take the plunge and try and fix them up with first available person. You can ask the married ones if they plan to have any children and if they are not having children you tell them to procreate. You ask those who already have a child if they are having a second child and the minute they turn their back, you shake your head somberly and say that if they continue to breed like this, they would single handedly be responsible for the eventual dumbing down of the society. In short, you have the license to be as obnoxious as you can and you usually get away with it.

As I am eternally single and it has been discussed to death by every chachi, mami and khala, people have become more imaginative and developed a new set of insults and inappropriate questions to ask. One uncle asked me what I have done academically, when he found out that I have two post grad degrees in social sciences, he shook his head and said that if I had studied something worthwhile (preferably a business degree) I would be rolling in money and not wasting my time with the non profit non-sense. Still reeling from the shock that all my college education was deemed useless and my choice of career non sense, I ran into a twenty year old cousin who got engaged while she was still in school, got married at 18 after she finished her A levels and had a baby at the ripe old age of nineteen. She asked me how many degrees do I have. Now that was a first. I mean people usually ask what degree do you have but they certainly don't ask the number of degrees one has managed to accumulate over a period of time. When she found out that I have three degrees, her breathing became uneven and her pupils dilated and she asked if I still have all my marbles. As if that was not enough another aunty ji asked me – again – how many degrees do I have? When I told her that I have only three degrees, she was quite disappointed. She thought I would probably have more considering I was traveling all the time for some course or the other. When I tried telling her that professional development courses are nothing like getting a degree from a proper university, she tossed her hair and left while telling me that her son Munno in USA has 7 degrees and earns a lot more than I do. Munno, by the way, is a software professional and probably has more than a dozen certifications, but sadly no degree.

Yes, I am guilty of having three degrees (one undergrad and two post grad) and would not mind getting another one if someone is willing to pay for it. You see, I am not a careerist but I like to act intelligent and what better way of that is than staying in grad school eternally. I can do another master or start working on my doctorate and tell the world how smart I am. Being a student has a lot of advantages that most folks do not even understand. For instance, it gives you license to complain about things to no end. You hang out with younger and cooler people instead of old fuddy duddies that abound workplaces. You can stall growing up for far longer if you stay in school. You have long weekends almost every week, get time off every six months, if not more often and you can sleep in everyday. Last but not the least is that you are not judged for being unemployed because you are pursuing academic excellence. Who cannot fall in love with such charmed existence?


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The world is connected and I am loving it.

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OK people, I am officially very very happy.

Yesterday, I opened my inbox and there was an email from Mohammed Hanif (the writer) saying that he liked my take on Imran Khan. Being the unusually slow person that I am, it took me a good ten seconds to actually get it. Mohammed Hanif wrote to me!!! Not only did he write to me, he actually thanked me for saying nice things about his book on my blog.

I shrieked, jumped and called three friends straight away (you know who you are guys). My sister thought I won a lottery ticket or something and I had a stupid grin on my face for the next 6 hours.

I may sound like a demented groupie, but I don't really care. I mean I value everyone who reads my blog, but being appreciated by someone who is a celebrated writer and personal favourite is just super cool (I know, super cool is so teenage a phrase that I should not even go near it but cut me some slack people, I am really happy).

This is a public thank you to you Hanif Sahib, I am grateful for the kind words.

I guess I shouldn’t complain and bitch about all those Daily Times and Dawn editors and my former bosses at Geo who killed my stories, ideas and articles; the right people are reading what I am writing.

God, I just love internet.



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And we institutionally deny the existence of discriminatory laws?

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Everyone who denies that there are any discriminatory laws in Pakistan should hide their faces in shame and vow to shut up for the rest of their lives.

Five members of the Ahmadiyya community including four children were charged with blasphemy under Section 295-C of the Pakistan Penal Code in Layyah on Wednesday. The children, aged 16 and younger, were detained at about 8pm after a complaint by a local cleric. Police have registered a case Tahir Imran (Aged 16), Tahir Mahmood (Aged 14), Naseer Ahmad (Aged 14), Muhammad Irfan (Aged14), and Mubashar Ahmad (45).




According to the First Information Report (FIR), the boys are accused of writing blasphemous material in latrines of Kot Sultan's Gulzar-e-Madina mosque. The boys are students of grade nine and 10 at the Superior Academy in Chak 172/TDA of Layyah.

First of all, there is no proof if it is boys who had done it. Ahmaddiya community is a persecuted community in Pakistan and I don’t think they would do anything like this which would divert undue attention. If we assume that the boys have written something blasphemous on the walls of mosque latrines, should we not give them the benefit of being young lads who may have been carried away by something. In my opinion, it is way small a crime if compared with the crime of suicide bombings which have killed many people and blew places of worship in Pakistan.

According to Daily Times, The SHO has obtained a two-day remand of the boys which is in violation of Child Rights Convention which Pakistan signed in 1990.

A group of lawyers on Friday announced to argue the boys' case for free, while a press release by the Asian Human Rights Commission (AHRC) condemned the charges against the four boys. The AHRC urged President Asif Ali Zardari to immediately intervene and order the release of the detained people.

Imran Khan & I ...

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This is the story of Tazeen and Imran Khan. It tells us how some people grow up and realize things are not what they seem to be and how some other people regress and become abysmally dense.

1992

Tazeen is a super excited kid. She is one of those kids who will get the chance to meet one of her all time favourite heroes Imran Khan. Not only will she meet him, she will be awarded a badge (along with a goody bag with Imran Khan’s autographed poster) which says, ‘Imran's Tigers’ because Tazeen has raised sufficient amount of funds for the Shaukat Khanum Memorial Trust (a trust founded by Imran Khan) by selling raffle tickets. So determined was Tazeen to earn that 'Imran's Tigers' badge that she twisted the arm of her mother’s jeweler (a Memon Seth of all the people) and sold him a good 100 raffle tickets. Tazeen was ecstatic when she received her badge and shook hands with Imran Khan. Much to her mother’s chagrin, she plastered Imran Khan’s autographed poster in her room for next two years.

1996

Imran Khan launches a political party. Tazeen is no longer a child and is a bit skeptical about Imran Khan’s political future, but she has complete faith in the man. After all, Imran Khan is one of those very few Pakistanis who excelled at whatever they did (cricket, philanthropy, fund raising etc) and she thought politics would be the same.

2002

Tazeen is just out of school, a fresh faced journalist working for a newspaper, and is excited about being able to vote for the first time. She has plans about voting for Mr. Imran Khan’s party. Just before elections, she gets the chance to attend an event hosted in honor of Mr Imran Khan by some women in media group. Imran Khan spoke at length about the importance of justice and fair play. Tazeen is suitably impressed and asks Mr. Khan about his party’s stance on CEDAW. CEDAW is a UN Convention for Eradication of Discrimination Against Women which was signed by People’s Party government, but no further legislation was carried out at either national or provincial level to to modify the laws in accordance with CEDAW. Mr. Khan first asks his associate what CEDAW is. For a politician who is running an election campaign and is talking exclusively with women journalists, it is a gaffe of the highest order. The associate turns out to be just as clueless about CEDAW as Mr. Khan. When Tazeen explains what CEDAW is and asks Mr. Khan about his policy to redress the discriminatory laws, he refuses to acknowledge that there are any discriminatory laws against women in Pakistan. When Tazeen points out Hudood Ordinance, he says that Huddod laws are necessary to keep the morality of people in check. Tazeen is highly disturbed and a little sad at the degeneration of her childhood hero.


2003-04

Tazeen is in England, studying for her Masters degree. Imran Khan got divorced and the news is plastered all over, from respectable newspapers such as Guardian and Times to tabloids such as Sun and Daily Mirror. Everyone had an opinion about it, including Tazeen's Greek & Philippino flatmates. Someone said that Imran Khan mistreated his wife. Tazeen defended Imran Khan's honor and that of her country and refused to believe that Ms. Khan was mistreated by anyone in Pakistan, including her former husband.


2006

Tazeen has all but given up on Imran Khan. A man who once asked Junoon to come up with Ehtesab anthem (a song about accountability of politicians in Pakistan) which took pot shots at BB, Zardari and Nawaz Sharif now takes his political cues from the same Man of Steel (that’s Nawaz Sharif for the uninitiated) and follows an extremely right wing political ideology (if it can be called that).


2007

Tazeen visibly cringes every time Imran Khan appears on Hamid Mir’s talk show and says, “Hamad, tumhain naheen pata, main batata hoon.” (Hamid, you don’t know anything, let me tell you how it all goes).

2008

Tazeen is invited to present a paper at an International symposium on Democracy. Imran Khan is chairing a session. Although it had nothing to do with the session he was chairing, Imran Khan first regaled every one with tales of courage & valor of Justice Iftekhar Chaudhry and then about the impeccable justice system of jirga courts operated by tribes across the country. (Jirga is a council of influential and rich men of a certain tribe who settle disputes amongst themselves. Most often, these disputes are settled through cash payments or through marrying off young girls to men of inappropriate age and/or character as compensation for a crime committed).

Tazeen is neither a super excited kid, nor a fresh faced journalist who is easily impressed by a celebrity. Tazeen is now a cynic par excellence and asks Mr. Khan how can he support independent judiciary and an alternative justice system of jirga court. Aren’t they mutually exclusive? Imran Khan apparently mistook Tazeen for Hamid Mir (although she looks nothing like the infamous Hamid Mir and does not sport a moustache) and says, “Bibi apko kuch naheen pata, main batata hoon.” (bibi, you don’t know anything, let me tell you how it all goes). Tazeen has had enough of Imran Khan and his relentless support for jirga. She intercepts and says, “But Khan Sahib, how can you support a system which institutionally excludes women and poor men from the decision making process?” Imran Khan loses it at that and lashes out at Tazeen. He is red in his face and foaming at the corners of his mouth and says, “Bibi, you stopped me in mid sentence, that’s bad tameezi (bad manners) and I don’t talk to bad tameez (ill mannered) people.”


2009

Tazeen now thinks that Imran Khan is not even a real politician. He is a “Made for TV Politician” who is only good at riling other people in political discussion or telling Hamid Mir that is he is a nincompoop and does not know anything. Tazeen believes that Imran Khan would start doing hair implant infomercials in future which would go something like this:

Main pehlay buhat ganja tha jis ki wajah se kaafe pareshan rehta tha, meri biwi bhi mujhe chor ke chalee gayee, phir mujhe kisi ne Azmat Nai se baal lagwanay ka mashwara diya, bas main forun hi Azmat Nai ke paas gaya ……

Moral of the story: For better or for worse, everything changes.


This post has way too many Desi references and people outside Pakistan & India may not even get it. Many apologies for that.

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Reign of terror … continues

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According to New York Times, 70 police officers were beheaded, shot or otherwise slain in Swat last year. The police have become so afraid that many officers have put advertisements in newspapers renouncing their jobs so the Taliban will not kill them.

Al Jazeera English also laments the paradise lost in this piece.

The radical cleric uses FM radio to pass on his decrees to the local population. So effective is his grip on the valley, that the government's influence is now largely confined to just 36 square kilometres of territory in and around Mingora.
Fazalullah runs a self-styled judiciary, which hears cases and hands down verdicts.
A treasury collects ushr (the Islamic practice of collecting one-tenth of agricultural produce). Last month, they also collected animal hides worth millions of rupees on Eid Al Adha, the Muslim festival of sacrifice.

His feared - and well-equipped - rebel army reportedly takes its cue from Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan, an extremist organisation headed by Baitullah Masud, the commander suspected of authoring the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, a former prime minister, in 2007.

The NYT article also has a priceless quote by Maj. Gen. Athar Abbas, the chief military spokesman. He came up with this absolute gem:

“Just because they (The Taliban) come out at night and throw down four or five bodies in the square does not mean that militants control anything.”

I wonder how the families of those four or five bodies thrown in the square would react to such a cavalier response to the death of their loved ones.


PS: At times I do wonder if we deserve people like Mullah Fazlullah lording over us, after all, a group of people who actually gather to watch public lashings and beheadings deserve someone like him.


Image courtesy: European Pressphoto Agency via NYT

The oldest first time father !

He probably is the oldest first time father and it seems everyone is happy about it. In Wellington, New Zealand, an indigenous reptile regarded as one of the last living remnants of the dinosaurs has become a father for the first time at the age of 111, yeah that’s a hundred an eleven years.

Henry the tuatara and his younger mate Mildred produced a dozen eggs last year at the Southland Museum on New Zealand's South Island.

Tuatara curator Lindsay Hazley said Wednesday Henry has lived at the museum's special enclosure for Tuatara since 1970 and had shown no interest in sex until he recently had a cancerous growth removed from his genitals. He got caught enjoying the company of three females last year and one of them hatched the eggs.


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