Dilemma: what to do when your child is a bad loser
In our house, the Monopoly board is the equivalent of a loaded gun. After the popular reign of Uno, the board game has hooked us and we've been playing a lot. But it's unearthed a dark side - the sore loser. Tantrums, tears, whingeing. And for once that's not the adults.
It's a common problem. Young children have trouble losing the way they have trouble sharing. But by the time they're in school, you hope they are on the way to taking to the rough with the smooth.
This article links being a sore loser with a host of other problems, such as an inability with forming and maintaining friendships, which makes sense because nobody likes that kid who threatens to quit everytime someone else scores.
I'm particularly eager to root out the issue since I spent several years as a bad loser during childhood, consumed by the need to win. The root of bad loser-ness is the fear that you won't be loved or respected without winning. So what can parents do?
The article above lists some advice, including:
* Emphasize the effort as much as the result. Don't just celebrate when kids win the race, but also when they take part.
* BUT, don't ask "Did you do your best?" Ironically it can make kids feel like their best isn't good enough and, if they slacked off, they can feel like they're a disappointment.
* Talk about your own failures (oh where to begin?), not just at games but in life. Letting them know that life goes on helps them understand that it's ok to try and fall short.
* Help them verbalise their disappointment while stressing that nobody wins all the time.
* Point out teams or people in sport, say, on TV, who didn't win and talk about how they handled it.
* Lead by example. That means not yelling, "For *(@~'s sake!" when during ten-pin bowling you throw your fifth gutter ball. That's just a "for instance."
* Use a loss to teach your child strategy so they can cream the other kid improve for next time. Which leads into the next hurdle:
How to teach your child not to be a sore winner...