Where are the parent volunteers in school? Do working mums volunteer more?
Oh yes, I am expecting (figuratively, I hope) to be lynched for this, but it's been on my mind, so I'm going to say it. Where are the school parent volunteers, why do so many mums and dads assume that "someone else" will always get involved, and why are most of the helpers parents who also have jobs?
Two calls have just come out from our class. One was for volunteers to be the class representatives for next year. The other was for people to volunteer to man the stall at the school fete (and not fate, as it was so brilliantly written on our last school missive). There was a short flurry of replies on the school fete front - all on "reply all" for some reason (why? so that we can see how brilliant they are to agree to give up half an hour of their time?). Only I volunteered to be class rep.
Our school has three parent volunteers per class. That means 9 parents have already been reps since we started in Reception. But with 30 children in a class, that leaves 21 parents (in fact, 42 if you include the dads, although we are still awaiting our first male volunteer) still to join in. So why was I the only person to put her head above the parapet? It's not as if I have masses of spare time. I simply think we should all get involved, and, as I'm just coming to the end of a two year stint as chair of my son's nursery, it seemed like a good time. I also don't get why so many parents think that someone else will pick up the slack if they remain quiet.
Oh yes, and this is the bit I'll get lynched for. Of all the parent reps we've had so far, only one didn't work. The others all worked either full or part-time. Is it true that, as a fellow parent said to me yesterday, if you want something done, ask someone busy because they'll just keep on taking on more stuff.
We were talking about the mothers in the class who have all their children at school but don't work. Two mums (who work but have done their fair share of school volunteering) said that they too had noticed that the mums who helped were usually the ones who worked. Why, we wondered (and yes, I am lumping a lot of people together here) don't the non-working mums seem to volunteer for school activities? Why don't they come and help set up events beforehand? Why are they so quiet when it comes to helping? And was it guilt which made the working ones get more involved?
Another mother (and good friend, who doesn't work) got irritated and said that we shouldn't assume that we know what's going on in someone's life. I agreed with her then - and didn't want her to get angrier - but actually I now wish I'd pressed her on what she actually meant. When I asked a couple of other mums to volunteer with me next year, I picked ones who worked, not ones who don't (I didn't want to make those assumptions). But I'm not sure why I did this. Was it because I assumed that the others, who never seem to get involved, would suddenly agree? Was it because I couldn't face them giving me an excuse which I might not really agree with? Was it because I find it irritating that they happily go along to all the (day-time) school activities and look down upon some of the working parents who can't do so, but don't actually take on any of the less appealing stuff?
There are some questions which seem unaskable. You can't ask a SAHM what she does all day - somehow it isn't acceptable. But I'd like to know - in case it just so happens that it really would preclude them from doing some of the less attractive school activities.
Read School Gate:
Should children be grouped by ability in class?
End of year events and working parent guilt
The majority of the helpers at our school are the stay at home mums (with older kids or kids at pre-school) or they work part-time. However, I know very few mums who work full-time anyway at our school. I am a school governor as this fits in with working FT, otherwise I have been into school to help with reading once this academic year and will do an hour on a stall at the school fayre.
Posted by: Helen | 25 Jun 2009 16:30:17
I just believe we should all do our share. It is not solely my responsibility to man a stall etc but if I get in there quick, at least I get the time I want! I decided a while ago not to worry about what anybody does and just do what my conscience dictates.
Posted by: Lena | 25 Jun 2009 16:29:38
For the first few years my children were at school, I was an SAHM and my first thought when considering how best to become involved in their education was to join the PTA. After a couple of years' service it was clear to me that while my help might have benefited the school in a very general way, it was of no direct benefit to my children, rather the reverse as I wasn't available to go round the school fetes etc. with them, but busy manning stalls etc. When we moved to another area I decided I would volunteer to help with reading and other classroom activities instead, so that my own children could actually see me helping. Neither form of service was possible once I became a lone parent, because I had to go back to paid work during the school day and couldn't go out in the evening without paying a babysitter.
Evening meetings are also a problem for those who do have partners who aren't at home for much of the evening, as mine wasn't.
Posted by: DS | 25 Jun 2009 16:02:15
Just for once, I'm going to be quite cautious in what I say here. At my son's (secondary) school, so far as I know, (so far as is visible to me) nearly all the volunteer requests come in through the PA. The PA has a culture of its own, and whilst it is a culture that (obviously) loads of parents are very happy with, there are some who are not. So, bottom line, if you don't like the culture of the PA, then you don't participate in it, so you either don't see the requests for volunteers or don't actually want to be part of that PA culture in the first place (ie, because all the volunteers will be PA members as well).
Ironically, as a SAHM, one of my problems with our PA is simply that it consists nearly all of working parents (loads of dads there - absolutely great in its way!), and so meetings are all in the evenings (which is my 'work time' - ie, I'm 'at home for my son') and not in the day time which is, as a SAHM, far more my own disposable time!
Apart from the timing issue above, I guess what I'm boiling down to is to endorse the point made already, that sometimes parents are put off volunteering by the ethos of those who do volunteer, and feel alienated from them.
Posted by: Whimsey | 25 Jun 2009 15:34:02
I dont understand how not volunteering, equals 'couldnt care less'. One of the hardest things i cope with being a mother, is the willingness of others to judge me, based on nothing. THere are many things I dont volunteer to do, I am a parent with a busy life- same as every other parent I know. So you have time to volunteer? Good. Others have time to volunteer= also good.
Volunteer= voluntary- as in additional to every thing else.
Also quick note- as an afterthought you amend the number of parents to include men- well am sorry, but would be more concerned at the fact that it appears only women should be 'expected'. This isnt an attack on fathers is it= just mothers.
I also wouldnt volunteer somewhere where my contribution to a school fate, was dismissed because it wasnt as many hours as someone else was able to volunteer.
Posted by: lisa ansell | 25 Jun 2009 15:26:48
It's a generalisation, but it's oh so true! It's frustrating when working parents who are already stretched also find themselves volunteering for the PTA and other school events...simply because many are the type who are used to multi-tasking, can't say no, and who feel a strong sense of responsibility towards supporting their children's school and generally 'doing their bit'. Conversely, stay at homers often (but not always) do very little and don't appear to feel bothered by the irony of it all. I guess it all comes down to personalities in the end and what each individual feels they owe their community and how much they are prepared to put in. There are always givers and takers in this world and the school playground is no exception...
Posted by: Kay | 25 Jun 2009 15:20:10
At our rural Canadian school, there's a good mix of working/SAH moms (and two dads). That said, I work F/T and am school council chair, and all the other council members work outside the home too.
Posted by: Denise Nielsen | 25 Jun 2009 14:11:38
I really have trouble with generalizations. Not all parents find schools to be welcoming places, especially if they themselves had a bad experience with school growing up. Some people volunteer at other places - church, for example, or the soup kitchen - and can't do it all. Maybe they have other children at home. Maybe they're just overwhelmed with life. Why are we so quick to judge each other's parenting ability or to categorize others? Some people need to be invited to volunteer. I've actually volunteered and not had anyone follow up. I've volunteered at school at some points and not others because my job or life became more challenging. If you are volunteering at school, be deservedly proud of your committment - it's an important contrbution, for sure- and move on.
Posted by: sharon | 25 Jun 2009 13:36:01
Maybe where you live is also relevant. I have 3 children, work (self employed, run my own business) and am a serial volunteer at school and elsewhere, being self employed gives me the flexibility to arrange my hours to suit my voluntary interests and family. I do sometimes wonder how I find the time to fit it all in and am not sure when I actually do the sleeping bit.
But the majority of those who volunteer at my children's school are actually stay home mums.
However there are clearly 2 types of mums at my children's school - the could cares and the couldn't care lesses - most of the couldn't care lesses are, or at least appear to be (you do never know everything about someone else's life), stay home mums. I suspect it's more about general lifestyle though, the could cares are interested in improving their lives and those of their children, they take an interest in their children, their friends, they are still willing to learn and grow themselves what ever their age. The couldn't care lesses have settled for the life they have and have no interest in improving it or the lifes of their children. I would go so far as to say many of them, though not all, take very little interest in their children at all.
Some of the could cares work, some don't. Those who don't generally have a partner who earns enough for them to stay home and live comfortably, not just adequately, and still strive to improve life for the whole family. The could cares who work are doing so with the same aim.
If people aren't interested in improving their own lifes or those of their children they they aren't going to be the ones to put them up and volunteer for anything to improve things for others. Those who are will.
Sadly at our school the couldn't care lesses make up at least 70% of the parents, leaving the other 30% who could care to do everything. All of the volunteers are in that 30%, a good chunk of them are stay home mums.
Posted by: Sharron | 25 Jun 2009 13:08:23
OHOHOH!!! You're in big trouble now.... My sister stood up during a class meeting and asked the same question.... Needless to say, all the stay at home mum's are EXTREMELY busy, and how dare she suggest they help as well? LOL! Obviously, in the end, the class rep is a working mum, and so on.....
Posted by: Juma | 25 Jun 2009 12:49:53