Soliloquies of A Stranger

Because I Trust in Allah’s words: “…When you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust in Him. If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; if He forsakes you, who is – after that – that can help you? In Allah, then, let believers put their trust” (Surah Al-’lmran 3:159-160).

And remember the words of Allah: “And those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will certainly guide them to Our Paths, for verily Allah is with those who do right” (Surah al-Ankabut 29:69).

Jacquelyn Byrd was her name. We called her simply Jackie or J.B for short. Sometimes we teased her and called her Big Byrd. EVERYBODY loved her. seriously, out of all my friends she is the only one I know that didnt have an enemy or was always falling out with people.

I checked my email tonight and saw two back to back messages from two childhood friends, Charita and Tikki. I knew it was bad news before I even opened it. i knew somebody died. I prepared myself for the worse…thuinking it was my brother. These are the two friends who called to tell me that my step father died, after they read about it in the newspaper. If it were any other news they would have just said it openly on my FaceBook wall.

They said Jackie died. Complications of diabetes. I didnt even know she had diabetes. Not surprised. I recently reconnected with Jasckie on FaceBook. I even talked to her on the phone and was trying to assist her in getting some stability in her life. She confided in me how her life was since we were last in touch and requested my help. I even considered trying to bring her to Saudi as a nanny, because she is one of the ferw people I would allow to keep my kids.

The last time I saw Jackie was in Chicago around 1998. She was staying with me and I taught her about Islam. She took her shahadah, but never really cared to follow the Quran and Sunnah. I moved to Virginia and she moved to Atlanta. We talked a few times but I was always trying to get her to focus on Islam, but that was not her main concern. You see Jackie is a naturally good and decent person who fears God. She was also a free spirit and like to follow conjecture and feel good ways to be close to God. So Islam, she could accept as a theology but not as a way of life. She died a minister of christ.

However, that is not what I am thinking about most. I’m really thinking about the irony of her death. Ive known Jackie since my childhood. I knew her whole family. Her mother died over Chritmas or Thanksgiving break our second year of college. My friend Nicole’s mother had died the year before over a school break as well. Both of their mothers were the type that everybody could call ‘mom’. After the death of their mothers, I had a fear of school breaks and i was plagued with nightmares of my own mother dying. i never told anybody this, but I was a mess inside. At that age I had no idea how to live without my mother but my two friends did and they grew into responsible adults.

A few weeks ago, Jackie left Atlanta to visit her family in Kentucky. I believe this is where she died, I dont have all the details. Jackies Aunt Norma was dianoied with cancer and told she only had a few weeks to live. Jackie was devastated but preparing for her death and enjoying spending time with all her loved ones. it turns out that Jackie’s Aunt Norma outlived her and Jackie died surrounded by her family and not alone in Atlanta.

That is what I saw as the irony of her death. Actually, it shows just how Merciful and Compassionate God is. Those who spoke to J.B recently knew that she was struggling and her story could be made for tv special. It was shocking to me that I had a friend being tested the way she was. 

I think Jackie was tired and this was a good time for her to rest.

R.I.P J.B

Sorry guys, this post is a girly topic. Non-Muslim women, you can read it but you may not know what I’m talking about….lol! If you do please leave a comment, cuz that means you’ve done your homework!

Sugar RayRay is 15 months old now. Breastfeeds like there is no tomorrow. I started back praying two weeks after his birth and have not stopped since! 9 months of non-stop praying, when pregnant, and then a 2 week vacation instead of 40 days like normal people…lol…plus 15 months of waking up for fajr (currently 330am) even though I don’t get a full nights sleep like my husband who goes to bed right after Isha and doesn’t have to worry about changing diapers, rotating breast and keeps, waking 3 kids up 2x a night to go pottyu, and if you don’t wake them up on time you got to get everybody up to give them a bath, wash the bed and change the sheets and make a palate ion the floor to sleep on after somebody pees in the bed (kids gotta love em)!

Forget those femenist calling for equality. Let the men go to the masjid for every prayer…everyday. As long as I can sleep in a few days out of the month!

There have been indications that I may get to sleep past salatul fajr tomorrow insha’Allah! 

Takbeer!

…doing nothing of interest for my viewers.

It took all my energy just to come up with that. I want to update my tweeter, facebook status, and check on my business websites…but I’m just not motivated. My laptop still isnt fixed because as you all know…women dont drive here in Saudi Arabioa, so I need to depend on my husband to drop it off. He’s attempted to do so on several occassions. The first time he took it to the store I bought it from, but they redirected us to their main showroom where they collect the repair jobs. Thats across town so my dh waited till the weekend to do it and when he went, they informed him that there is no pick up on the weekend. I have my old pc…actuall about 5 useless pcs and laptops laying around, but the only time I can do anything relted to web 2.0 type stuff is on my dhs laptop that he takes to work. It’s the weekend now so this is my obligatory blog post.

Not to mention, we traveled for two weeks and have more pressing issues than getting my laptop fixed. All that has taken away my general interest in the internet. I dont want to abandon my business, because I had finally got it in the right direction, but my husband complains so much about the time I spend online and accuses me of neglicating other things that the only time I can get my work done is once everybody is sleep. Which means that I’m exhausted all day and cranky. Which means that he has all but ORDERED me to close down my websites.

But that’s ok because he has found other things to occupy my time.  I am his full time secretary and advisor. I’ve actually enjoyed helping him out, but often wonder is it fair at the expense of running my own business into the ground. I have come up with so many ways that I can make money while staying home, but he shoots them all down. I wonder what the real deal is. Is he really this manly man who wants to be the sole provider and maintainer, or is he a control freak, or does he have insecurities about me having my own money?

I haven’t figured it out yet, but alhamduillah he’s never let us down and ultimately Allah always provides for us. I guess the reason I dont complain is because I have commitment issues and he is my convieniet excuse for when or why I don’t want to do something.

Case in point. exam time is rolling around and I am getting bombarded with tutoring request. The money is actually pretty good, but my dh says no…no way…no how!!! I always see the money first and my dh says that is a fitnah for me, but in the end I’m glad he puts his foot down, because I know that after I bought whatever I had my eyes on for the time, I would not be interested in working anymore.

It’s funny because now that I think of it, I have always been like this even before him. Growing up my mother fobade me from working and going to school. She said school was my job and that she would provide for me. So the first time I worked was my senior year, a few months before graduation, so that  could have money for all the senior activities and for when i went away to college. That turned out to be a diaster! The first job was working for my father at DOCKS. Anybody from Chicago? Docks is a fastfood seafood restaurant known for its Fishwich sanwich and Dockberry shakes. Dockberry shakes are made with Omar Juice mixed with Vanilla IceCrame. Omar Juice was founded my brother Omar a pioneer in the Nation of Islam and Docks was founded my My father and two other brothers from the NOI. Anyway, my very first day working at DOCKS, I was sent to the store on 79th and Vincennes. If memory serves me correctly this was their first store and at the time they had about 10 in Chicago and 5 in Philly. Again, if memory serves me correctly they had that store for around 15 years and it had NEVER EVER Been robbed before. So Im sure you know where I am going with this…

It just so happened that Allah decreed that on my very first day of work at my very first job I WAS ROBBED!!! Thats right…this type of stuff only happens to me! I remember it like it was yesterday. I can still see the expression on my manegers face (did I blog about this already? I feel like I am repeating myself) when he walked past and saw me handing out all the money. He first looked like, “wth is she doing?!!!!” and he started approaching me fast and then he froze…just stoped in his place and stared at the gun that was plunged deep in my stomach.

So after that, I went to work with my Uncle at his insurance company. I blogged about how my coworker attempted to kidnap me here. Truth be told these made good excuses for me to quit. After that, there was the odd summer job from college. One summer I had a job as a telemarketer and I hated it. I hadnt been there for a week, before I quit. I hadn’t planned on it but I went on my lunch break and at that time I was only a fish and chicken eater…no red meat. I had Cod for lunch. Returned to my office and my eyes swoll shut, nose was running, I was wheezing, couldnt breath, and was just messed up. I kept getting up to go to the bathroom to wash my face. My lips were huge and numb. I looked horrible. My supervisor sent me home. Later my friend Charita and her now husband took me to the emergency room. I had an acute allergic reaction and my body went into shock. The hospital called my mother and told her to come quick because I wasnt responding. She got there and they would not even tell her if I were dead or alive. They just kept saying, wait to see her doctor. Then I heard her screaming and making bomb threats if they did not let her see my corpse…she was convinced I was dead. So I started screaming, “I’m back here Mama”…lol

So I never went back to that job. I did manage to work as a Social Worker after college for almost 4 years. I hated every day of it and envied all my married friends who didn’t have to work. Eventually, Allah decreed a series of unfortunate events that led my job to sending me on a PAID adminitrative leave. What had happened was…a girl resident of the Detention Center that I worked at some how got pregnant my a boy who was in there being trialed as an adult for murder. The boy was being transfered because he had either got sentenced or his 17th birthday was coming up and that’s when they take you to the adult facilities. Anyway, a staff member helped him ‘get some’ from a girl before he left. When she got pregnant in our care there was an investigation. To cover for the staff member that hooked this up all involved including the staff said that I hooked it up. Everybody knew it was a lie so they wanted to get me out of there and sent me on a paid leave. I left and moved to Virginia during that time and met and married my husband. When my leave was up andI didn’t return I was fired and paid another 6 months of unemployment, but by then I had already married Prince Charming and was pregnant with my little Princess.

And we all lived happily ever after….

Masha’Allah