Concerned the unfortunate grade might be a “deal-breaker”, worried freshman Carson Nichols told reporters yesterday that he fears the C on his transcript—the first of his academic career—might ruin his romantic aspirations. “I just don’t know what I’ll say—should I be upfront about it, or should I just never bring […]
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9 Ways You Fucked Up An Otherwise Perfect Thanksgiving
Everything was going great this Thanksgiving, why did you have to fuck it up? What things could you possibly have ruined? Let’s take...
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Area Friend Not as Cool as Remembered
QUINCY, MA – This past week, the freshman class of 2019 returned to their home towns for the first time since the start of the school...
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Comm Major Lands Sweet Internship with Liberal Media Conspiracy
Despite fears that she would wind up spending another summer working for her local lamestream news rag, junior Stephanie Flores learned...
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Ted Cruz to Electorate: “Please, Forget About Me!”
Speaking to a crowd of assorted supporters in Monroe, LA, Texas Senator Ted Cruz revealed his unusual strategy on Friday for keeping...
Headlines
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Secondary Character Declares Fight ‘Not Worth It’
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Horny Toad Fucks Like Champ
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Local Funboy Buys Ice Cream
Stanford
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Worried Freshman Thinks of Ways to Explain C to Future Wife
Concerned the unfortunate grade might be a “deal-breaker”, worried freshman Carson Nichols told...
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Area Friend Not as Cool as Remembered
QUINCY, MA – This past week, the freshman class of 2019 returned to their home towns for the first...
-
Comm Major Lands Sweet Internship with Liberal Media Conspiracy
Despite fears that she would wind up spending another summer working for her local lamestream news...
- Lonely Student Gently Caresses Cat Figurine Between Thumb and Forefinger
- An Oral History of the Stanford Daily
- Gaieties To Feature Cameos From Cal’s Entire Starting Defense
Politics
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Comm Major Lands Sweet Internship with Liberal Media Conspiracy
Despite fears that she would wind up spending another summer working for her local lamestream news...
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Ted Cruz to Electorate: “Please, Forget About Me!”
Speaking to a crowd of assorted supporters in Monroe, LA, Texas Senator Ted Cruz revealed his unusual...
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Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing
When it was first revealed that the Republican party would be replacing its controversial debates...
- Recent Alum Happy to Have Left Activism Behind
- Jeb to Go Back in Time, Resurrect Entire Campaign
- Koch Brothers Redraft Proposal for “Keystone Smallish Pipeline”
Opinion
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9 Ways You Fucked Up An Otherwise Perfect Thanksgiving
Everything was going great this Thanksgiving, why did you have to fuck it up? What things could...
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Op Ed: This is how football works
Hi, I’m Rick Featherton and I’m going to explain how football works. The rules of football...
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Op-Ed: Hear Me Out, Black Stormtroopers Will Reduce Property Values
Look, I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking. I know it. You know it. Our real estate agents...
- Op-Ed: Your Face Makes More People Laugh Than My Comedy Ever Will, And That’s Okay
- Op-Ed: Help, I Drew into the Local Jail!
- Review: Soda Pop, the Masterful Fizzy Delight!
Technology
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New Charity Distributes Facebook Likes to Starving Children Around the World
In recent months, a new online charitable organization has exploded in popularity. Their mission:...
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LaIR Relocation Indicative of Greater CS Department Plan
Not content with simply housing the highest number of undergraduates and, starting this year, the...
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Student Poet Finds True Passion In Front-End Programming
From a young age, Stanford freshman Josh Douglas had always been on a fast track to spend his life...
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Lonely Student Gently Caresses Cat Figurine Between Thumb and Forefinger
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Report: It’s All Going to Shit and Area Man Totally Knows It
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Talking Fish That Replaced Republican Primary Will Not Stop Singing
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After Horrifying Events, Local Man Not Even Sure Who is Being “That Guy” Anymore
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An Oral History of the Stanford Daily
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Local Funboy Buys Ice Cream
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Op Ed: This is how football works
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Portugal Loses Government in High-Stakes Poker Game
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Frosh Formal Ravaged By Gators
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Superintendent Unsure of Responsibilities
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Fig Lame
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The Homo Froshicus Froshicus, A Wonder of Nature
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Taiwan Not Buying It That China “Forgot To Call” for 60 Years
