We’ve come a long way from twee harmonies and admissions video prancing… Here’s “Love of the Dead,” a zombie-romance-horror short film from the minds of some truly depraved Yalies.

General plot outline: Boy meets girl. Girl becomes zombie. Boy imprisons and rapes zombie girlfriend. Boy poses as gay, trapping and killing enticed men in order to provide zombie girlfriend with food. Boy takes off shirt and works out. Boy rapes/kills different girl, feeds her to zombie girl. Zombie girl eats boy.

This is seriously horrifying:

Love of the Dead – the Yale Zombie Project from Yale zombie project on Vimeo.

Columbia Professor Eric Foner appeared on The Colbert Report last night to lay down the gauntlet against some down-home history-rewriting conservatives. (The Texas School Board recently axed apparently-too-liberal Thomas Jefferson from their textbooks.) Colbert had Foner “answer for his liberal crimes,” and in so doing, provide a lot of food for thought on the politicization of the classroom. Watch and laugh your Wednesday away:

Most are probably under the impression that Cornell is locked in some sort of traumatic stupor these days. It’s certainly been a rough semester for the students on Ithaca’s East Hill. Even looking past the awful, tragic deaths that have plagued the campus of late, Cornellians have had a rough time of it — especially in the court of pubic opinion, where they have suffered a rash of unfavorable media attention. Also, effing Andy Bernard.

Still, amidst all the badness, there’s at least been one unequivocal bright spot: the men’s varsity basketball team, who just received their third NCAA Tournament bid in as many years. The 12th-seeded Big Red are poised to face off against the Eastern region’s number five seed — the Temple University Owls — in Jacksonville this Friday. This to cap off a historic season that saw Cornell become the first Ivy League team to crack the national rankings in over a decade.

What’s been the secret to the Red’s success?

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HuffPo’s new college vertical just printed a great, sad article about the history of suicide at Cornell, “suicide capital of the combined Ivy League, Big Ten, Little Three, and Seven Sisters.” A staggering amount of research seems to have been involved — and to our mind, the saddest story is that of Shirley Slavin, in 1940:

Shirley Slavin arrived with her mother to enroll for freshman classes. After a few days on campus, she journeyed to the east side of Fall Creek, lingering for nearly an hour. In front of more than twenty witnesses, Slavin asked a passerby to hold her books and purse — and then leapt 125 feet to her death.

The article also delves into the history of suicide prevention at Cornell — including the shocking/wistfully sad rejection of “suicide bars”‘ construction on the gorges.

In 1977, such barriers had been added to the suspension bridge over Fall Creek, which one professor described as a “claustrophobic channel with a honky-tonk garishness worthy of Las Vegas [where] serried ranks of close-spaced bars make a prison corridor.”

The post is part of author Rob Fishman’s Masters’ thesis at Columbia School of Journalism — go read it, please!

No need for Red Bull, or Adderall, ever again, studiers! Harvard Professor David Edwards has developed a breathable coffee, sold for $3 for an individual “stick” that is as heavily caffeinated as a shot of espresso. According to his website, Dr. Edwards doesn’t solely limit himself to researching ways to make caffeine consumption even more gross:

David Edwards’ work includes new approaches to treating infectious diseases, as pioneered by the pharmaceutical company Pulmatrix, and the nonprofit MEND; it includes new ways of eating, such as Le Whif.

So, good for him for keeping busy! The New York Post reports that Dylan’s Candy Bar sold out of the “kooky coffee” within hours, although whether “Le Whif” is a short-term phenomenon or something with staying power is anyone’s guess, mainly because, gross, right?

Hey, remember those T-shirts making fun of Sept. 11 by comparing the Twin Towers to Leverett’s towers? Well, the Harvard Voice, which published an image of the t-shirt, at right, indicates they originated at the Harvard Lampoon. Which has, we guess, gone from making hit movies and spawning comedy legends to, um, silk-screening t-shirts.

Congratulations, Lampoon! You got the campus talking about you again! All it took was a tasteless prank that was foiled really quickly!

Everyone’s favorite Freddy Got Fingered star made a special appearance at Penn this past week for his comedy tour and ended up partying with Penn students. On his website, the actor — and famous ex-husband of Drew Barrymore — posted a video of himself tapping a keg in some unidentified coven of Penn students, all of whom look either ecstatic or bemused.

Where has Green’s career gone? The man used to make big[-ish] movies — now he’s partying at the most oppressively horrible party scene in the Ivy League [well, except for all the others]. With eighteen-year-olds. In the video, he looks quite old… but happy. Maybe the Ivy League is more fun than we think it is — or maybe he’s just collecting material.

Our Cornell frat hazing story has gotten the Internet all in a tizzy; it’s currently lighting up the front page at Huffington Post and enflaming the feisty Gawker-crowd (also, these nerds). Just to add to the fun/fuel the fire, look what we just stumbled on, right on the front-page of the Cornell ADPhi chapter website:

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Zero Tolerance for Hazing at Alpha Delta Phi

Several Cornell websites help visitors to learn about allegations of hazing at Cornell, report alleged hazing incidents, explore non-hazing group-building activities, and find out what they can do to prevent hazing. Take a look at: Hazing at Cornell and services for victims of hazing.

The best part? The links lead nowhere.

Yes; frats haze, no big deal. We think only an idiot would subject oneself to it, but to each his own.

But lying and hypocrisy? Didn’t know that was a brotherhood kind of thing… Ritual abuse, however “voluntary,” seems a little bit like Monica Lewinsky; you only get in trouble when you start fibbing about it.

You heard it here first: hipioneers and Wesleyanites, electronic duo MGMT, will be headlining Yale’s Spring Fling music and booze-spectacular. The name “Missy Elliot” has also been thrown around, though with less conviction. (Last year’s big names were GirlTalk and The Decemberists.)

The news comes to us from several well-connected sources, and if we’re wrong, we’ll eat our hip, hip hats.

The bros of “literary fraternity” Alpha Delta Phi (yeah, really…) may not be living up to their noble, stated aims. IvyGate has received an exclusive copy of an email sent to this year’s ADPhi pledges, detailing their hazing lineup. We’ve also gotten our hands on an anonymous report of the night’s disgusting, dehumanizing festivities.

The young pledges were:

• Forced to chug a slurry of dogfood, tabasco sauce, and sour cream;
• Run relay races, while blackout drunk, through the great halls of the ADPhi manor–filled with flour, beer, and water–while being pelted with dodgeballs;
• Jog naked laps outside the house in the below-freezing Ithaca winter;
• Stand outside in a “lineup” for two hours, with only a shirt, jacket, tie and slacks.

Brotherhood and ritual abuse FTW!

ADPhi bros: we hope you successfully vented all of your testosterone/closeted-homoeroticism/self-esteem-issues/meathead aggression on these defenseless freshmen. We don’t want to see exploding sweatpants in the back-row at lecture.

Defenseless freshmen: Remember when Pike–that other frat at your college–poisoned those other defenseless freshmen? Maybe a warning sign…? The experience sure doesn’t sound like, in the words of the ADPhi website, a

process [that] enhances individual self-respect as well as fostering responsibile concern for others within the chapter

I bet hypocrisy tastes even better mixed with dog-food and sour-cream.

Full ADPhi email (fun fact: from a kid I went to high school with!) after the jump:

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