Healthy relationships with family, friends, partners and loved ones can be a great source of fulfillment, comfort and love. Still, healthy relationships don't necessarily happen by themselves.
The Early Stages of a Relationship
- Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and respect. Focus on all the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy couples make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say "thank you" to their partner, rather than focusing on mistakes their partner has made.
- Explore. Explore each other's interests so that you have a long list of things to enjoy together. Try new things together to expand mutual interests.
- Establish. Establish a pattern of apologizing if you make a mistake or hurt your partner's feelings. Saying "I'm sorry" may be hard in the moment, but it goes a long way towards healing a rift in a relationship. Your partner will trust you more if he or she knows that you will take responsibility for your own behavior.
As Time Passes
- Relationships change. Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you want and need from the relationship. Welcome change as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship.
- Check in periodically. Occasionally check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to drift into rocky waters without their noticing.
- Keep up the appreciation and gratitude! It’s healthy to deal with problems, and a healthy balance is the key. Research indicates that relationships thrive on three positive interactions for each difficult one.
- When conflict arises... Disagreements are normal and, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Interested in Learning More About Healthy Relationships?
Talk to your PHE, RA or CA to bring a customized, engaging workshop to your residence, center or student group. We will work with you to target your interests, whether graduate or undergraduate. Contact health@stanford.edu.
If You Are Feeling Distressed About a Relationship
- Consider individual or couples counseling. Counseling can help you identify problematic patterns in your current relationship and teach you more effective ways of relating. We encourage you to contact Counseling and Psychological Services.
- Are you questioning if you are in an abusive relationship or have a friend who may be? Consider consulting with the professional staff at the Office of Sexual Assault and Relationship Abuse Education and Response (SARA).
